How to not look middle aged

[Justtakeatowel]

I've seen a few pictures of my recently and I look frumpy. I don't mind looking my age (mid 40s) but I just look uurgh.

I've started curly girl and I think curly hair ages me loads! Where do I need to buy from to make myself a bit more with it? I've a tendency to buy cheap supermarket stuff which I think isn't always cut the best and I'm willing to spend a bit more.

I'm 5 ft 7 and 9 stone 9 if that makes a difference but a definite apple and have a bit of a belly which I think adds to the frumpiness

Thanks!

More so than describing someone as frumpy or art teacher (or architect)? She just doesn’t dress in a way to bring any attention (good or bad) to herself. You’ve heard of people saying women over 50 are invisible? That’s the phrase I’m borrowing.

OP I think some decent jewellery can elevate your look. Not in a Teresa May statement necklace way, but something that shows a bit of personality.

I was looking at Daniella Draper's (jeweller) Instagram yesterday, her mum is pushing 60 and absolutely stunning. She's wearing a plain pink sweater and some layered necklaces plus lots of rings.

I agree with previous comments that spending a bit more on basics pays off. I wear cheap jeans every day for dog walking, a lady who sees me most days remarked the other day how nice I looked. I was still wearing my 'uniform' but expensive jeans and top plus jewellery.

Yes I've heard it as a general thing but 'an invisible relative' of mine seems unkind. However as I said earlier I do need to shake up to feel good about myself and want clothes that suit me but turning heads is not a priority.

I’m currently y working g through the thread but am sad to see dress/leather jacket/trainers is ageing?!?
I’m 46 and love AllSaints style. I wear a lot of dresses/boots/leather jacket combos in winter and dress/trainers/fitted denim jacket (or throw a sweater or blazer over the dress on cooler summer days)

It’s not ageing in the slightest Bluesky. Bear in mind that was from someone who watches Escape to the Country - enough said.

@Railingsohno

Funnily enough I always search Sexane by mistake - subliminal message

After an inner struggle I just bought the jacket as I do love it despite the model! My excuse is I live in Wales, so it will get plenty of wear.

Looking at your photos I think your hair colour needs adjusting (I'd go lighter with two or three blondes put through it since it's currently neither one thing nor another). I'm also not a fan of curly hair that length since I agree that it's really ageing. Curly hair is lovely but it needs to be longer

Im mid 30s and totally agree with the the above, lighten your hair, lengthen it too a little and while others have said they like your wavy hair, at that length is it ageing so growing it would really make you look even more fab!

@Blueskysunsout

I’m currently y working g through the thread but am sad to see dress/leather jacket/trainers is ageing?!? I’m 46 and love AllSaints style. I wear a lot of dresses/boots/leather jacket combos in winter and dress/trainers/fitted denim jacket (or throw a sweater or blazer over the dress on cooler summer days)

Ignore! That sounds gorgeous! I also have an All Saints biker jacket it just doesn’t suit me. I feel a bit of an imposter in it.

I bet you look fantastic.

@Alsohuman

Agree they’re not ageing. Of course a leather jacket/midi dress/trainers could be ageing if you happened to pick really dated versions of those items. It’s all about the particular style of jacket/dress/trainers you choose.
But I see plenty of stylish people, young and old, wearing that combo and looking great!

Every time there’s one of these threads someone always has to pick the most commonly worn items at the moment be that skinny jeans, white trainers, midi skirts whatever and say they’re frumpy. I think it’s mostly just to provoke a reaction so just ignore it.

That leather jacket very cool, well wear! I couldn't pull it off. I have however bought a stupidly priced dress from Ba&sh in a gorgeous blue.

@Bagelsandbrie

I am reading this with interest. I think if anything it just shows how we all have such different ideas of what looks good / frumpy etc! I think the whole idea of clothes that are more expensive and “fit well” to the point of being almost tailored in appearance makes someone look much older, mostly simply because younger people just wouldn’t spend money on those things (unless for work).

I am nearly 40, I have a lot of health conditions and I’m in early menopause. I don’t want to wear things that are tight round my middle - it’s uncomfortable. I don’t want to wear a bra that is tight round my rib cage. I’ve been measured at Bravissimo etc and I’m a 32H so I have pretty big boobs but my days of trying to hoist them up within an inch of their life is over. I couldn’t care less. I wear stretchy crop tops because they’re comfortable.

I have a lot of hot flushes - despite being on HRT, and yes I’ve not been on it long so I’m hoping these go but like I imagine a lot of older women (older than me) feel I can’t imagine anything worse than being stuck in restrictive or remotely tight anything. It’s almost like you can’t bear anything touching your skin in menopause. I suspect that’s why a lot of women end up in stretchy, supermarket type stuff.

I do want to look nice - and contrary to how I probably sound from all that I do make an effort! I wear oversized tops, plain t shirts, wide leg loose flowing trousers, trendy trainers - I have a 17 year old dd who tells me if I look good or not. And she’s pretty honest.

I do take care of my skin - always wear high spf and used to work as a consultant for Clinique for many, many years so I think skincare is really important.

But I do think when you reach 40 plus it’s hard to feel comfortable - yet alone stylish at times. My 17 year old wears almost top to toe polyester skin tight clothes, as I used to and my body just winces at the thought of all that plastic and heat!

Apologise for thread hijack but I can’t PM directly -

I read your comment with interest as I went into early menopause, or rather perimenopause at 39. HRT actually made everything worse, particularly my hot flushes and sweats - at one point was experiencing 60+ a day. In the end, it got so bad, that I went to see a specialist on Harley Street as unfortunately, as my GP would not refer me to the Menopause Clinic. It transpired that I was totally on the wrong kind of HRT and needed a very different balance of hormones. Within a few days of my new HRT prescription, every single symptom had vanished. Most importantly, having spent almost 3 years of feeling invisible and frumpy, I started to feel like myself again.

Anyway, I hope you don’t think I am speaking out of term but hot flushes are something that is a sign of your vasomotor system is not functioning properly. The correct HRT will sort this out. As you’re still having issues, it suggests to me you’re not on the correct type of HRT. Talk to your GP and if they won’t help, go see a specialist.

Apologies once again for thread hijack.

Here is me in my All Saints leather jacket.

I think it looks edgy, other than the silly pose!

Loving this thread! Here's my contribution:

• good haircut from someone stylish and close to your age (not a teen who would think a woman who is 30/40 is old"
• eyebrows - can't see yours but over plucked ones from the 00s/90s are aging. Lots of people microblading but it is expensive and can look a bit overdone too. Mac has a great shape n shade pen and boy brow ja good too
• teeth - again can't see yours but if they're going dull whitening helps loads
• moisturiser (no need to be expensive)
• touch of colour in the face - tan drops or drunk elephants sunshine drops (that you mix with your moisturiser) - only around £25 and the best thing I've bought recently
• touch of blush always looks youthful
• agree re the more expensive clothes and some colour: whistles, & other stories, sezanne, rouje. Great online boutiques that have sales - mercantile london, the dressing room. The owner of the dressing room looks 40s and does great style vids
• get some ideas off insta - not all these will appeal to you but they've each found their look and it works for them:

Doesmybumlook40 Wearsmymoney Dresslikeamum Graceghanem Pollyvsayer - young but except for a few crop tops has a very modern any age vibe And etc

I am 54 and sometimes I choose to dress to be invisible, and sometimes I choose to dress to try to turn heads.

Sometimes you just want to melt into the background and not be bothered by anyone, and other times you want everyone to notice you and remember you, so you dress accordingly, no?

Sometimes people who are used to seeing one version of me don't recognise me as the other.

I also love the leather or denim jacket, dress and boots/trainers look. I don't care if people think I am too old for it or that I look mumsy or whatever. Being post menopausal I have a bigger tummy than I would like and dresses are just so much easier to wear.

Maybe it's just me

@WingBingo

Here is me in my All Saints leather jacket.

I think it looks edgy, other than the silly pose!

You look great

To be fair, there are brands that a bigger up on MN but have become a bit of a uniform and, as a result, are not edgy at all. The All Saints leather jacket being the prime culprit!

Look at Massimo Dutti for alternatives! In fact look at MD for everything. Also &OtherStories. It’s very easy to follow a uniform trend such as All Saints and Mint Velvet snd Boden. It doesn’t show much individuality. You can up the look with accessories. That’s why handbags are are big thing. They dress up the black jeans and All Saints leather jacket. If you want to find an individual style I would start with fashion magazines. Style in the Sunday Times is quite good too. Experiment a bit. But there’s no need to look the same as everyone else in an over 40s uniform.

Oh by the way! I’m in my 60s and wear jeans and a leather jacket. I’m definitely not edgy. My 25 year old DD who designs fashion is edgy! She’s a leader. Not a follower.

Every time there’s one of these threads someone always has to pick the most commonly worn items at the moment be that skinny jeans, white trainers, midi skirts whatever and say they’re frumpy. I think it’s mostly just to provoke a reaction so just ignore it.

I don’t think this is true @Kitty2018. One of the things about being middle aged or looking it is forgetting how fast trends move. Biker jackets might have been all the thing in 2014 but that was over half a decade ago. Skinny jeans most definitely.

It isn’t to provoke a reaction but to help the OP start from Summer 2020. Why go backwards? No one is saying these things look dreadful or that everyone wearing them should be ashamed of not being bang up to the minute, insta-ready now now hot.

But the OP wants to up date to avoid looking out of date. So, at least start from today.

You've got lovely skin OP

@WingBingo

Here is me in my All Saints leather jacket.

I think it looks edgy, other than the silly pose!

Wingo you look fab. Are the trousers jeans or something else?

I had my first biker jacket when I was 15! In 1970. Honestly, they just get recycled as a go to fashion item. That doesn’t make them wrong but it’s an easy solution.

An interesting thread...
I was definitely feeling really frumpy a couple of years ago and have really worked on becoming more 'me' again. I have to say that losing 3 stones and getting into exercise has made the biggest difference, mostly because I carry myself more confidently and my posture is better. You clearly don't need to lose any weight though OP !
I'm obviously totally gorgeous now! But, there are 2 issues that I continue to find really limiting:

• I have wavy hair. I don't particularly like the straightened within an inch of its life look, so go with encouraging the natural wave. But, it definitely leans towards messy and is really hard to make look groomed. I've got it in a chin length messy bob at the moment and I hope that looks reasonably stylish in a French sort of insouciant way.
• My clothes need to be reasonably practical as I cycle everywhere (don't have a car) and have a dog to walk etc... I'm not saying it's impossible, but it certainly makes it harder to look put together, especially when you combine the wavy, messy hair and the need for practicality!

Biker jackets have been around since the 50s, they’re outside fashion like striped tops. Fashion is transient, style is eternal. Beige anoraks will never be stylish, leathers bikers always will be. I think the older you get, the more important style becomes and the less fashion matters.

Nice to see you here hounds! Your weight loss in incredible and your hair sounds lovely. Mine is poker straight but an overnight French plait gives me those messy waves that I think are lovely.