How to not look middle aged

[Justtakeatowel]

I've seen a few pictures of my recently and I look frumpy. I don't mind looking my age (mid 40s) but I just look uurgh.

I've started curly girl and I think curly hair ages me loads! Where do I need to buy from to make myself a bit more with it? I've a tendency to buy cheap supermarket stuff which I think isn't always cut the best and I'm willing to spend a bit more.

I'm 5 ft 7 and 9 stone 9 if that makes a difference but a definite apple and have a bit of a belly which I think adds to the frumpiness

Thanks!

Omg have just ordered my first set of heated rollers ever !

Been YouTubing and it’s the way to go if you want loose stylish smooth curls
(Apparently !)

I think you look great OP!

I'm a bit older than you and the things I would recommend are to take time for exercise, some weights and toning / stretching exercise like Pilates. Be mindful of your posture . I think that poor posture is far more ageing than wearing 'uncool' clothes.

Be mindful of your diet, particularly try to cut down sugar, eat plenty of fruit and veg, and healthy fats (but not too much). And drink plenty of water and not too much alcohol.

Agree also with taking care of your teeth.

I actually like your clothing style, it's understated and classic. Although it's true that better quality fabrics hang better, if money isn't an issue for you, and investing in some better fitting underwear will also help your posture .

Unless you enjoy wearing high heels then don't.

I love your post @AltogetherAndrews, I couldn’t agree with you more. I bet you look incredible, not least because you obviously don’t give a shit what anyone else thinks and I honestly believe that’s the key.

Gosh - some of the responses really shocked me!

I think you you should focus on strength/posture. Kettlebells and yoga would do a lot of good. Absolutely will not bulk you up. The weight falls off me when I do them. I’m 5,10’ and ten stone and also a slight tendency to tummy weight now.

A sharp haircut. A bit shorter?

Facial yoga.

Eat well. As little alcohol and refined fat as possible. Coconut and olive oils. I use a little collagen powder.

I’m often told I have aged well and look good for my age. I’m an absolute slob, dress pretty badly and zero maintenance. But I do that above, my skin is firm and plump, I have defined muscles and don’t carry excess weight. You can get away with a lot of you do these basics!

I think sugar is a killer. Literally. It is responsible for a lot of ageing . Refined carbs, trans fats, sugar and processed foods generally are so so bad for the skin and ages a person quickly.

@candilemon

It can be wet and windy but hoods are not attractive.

This has a hood and it's pretty nice?

@candilemon

It can be wet and windy but hoods are not attractive.

And windblown 61 year old thinning hair is even less attractive. What do you suggest instead when an umbrella is not a practical option?

Interesting thread.
What shoes is everyone wearing given heels are not acceptable any more?!

Does anyone really care about looking good on a wet dog walk? I’m pretty vain but even I don’t go that far, although I do wear always red lipstick!

@Alsohuman

Does anyone really care about looking good on a wet dog walk? I’m pretty vain but even I don’t go that far, although I do wear always red lipstick!

Not really. But when you’re doing it every day and then going on somewhere afterwards it’s nice not to look too bad!

On the red lipstick front- I think that looks amazing on people. Red lipstick elevates any outfit. However, it never stays on me for more than around half an hour. Any tips?

@Calledyoulastnightfromglasgow good point on the muscle. I lift and I think as long as you don’t lose too much body fat it can make you appear more youthful.

@bibbitybobbitycats I like that. Where’s it from?

@Railingsohno, application is key, I apply a coat, blot and then add another coat and blot again. A lipliner helps too.

Lucy Worsley always looks fabulous.

OP, the only thing that stuck out to me in your photos at the start of the thread was the lack of bra in the beach shot. I never wear anything I can't wear a good bra with!

[quote Railingsohno]@bibbitybobbitycats I like that. Where’s it from?[/quote]
Sezane, 'tis a little pricey!

www.sezane.com/en/product/collection-printemps-all/alfred-coat?cou_Id=1735

I do like Sezane clothes but my eyes bleed sometimes at the soft porn pictures.

Funnily enough I always search Sexane by mistake - subliminal message

I'd echo some of the previous posters about getting on to Pinterest and making notes of what you like.
Get a uniform worked out for yourself too.

I've no new advice really but I went through this a couple of years ago. I'm 47 and suddenly realised that my long scruffy hair and clothes no longer looked good. I just looked a bit crap. I treated myself to a new style, a graduated bob and some colours done professionally (always out of a box before) with a few highlights. I can't afford really expensive clothes but I got measured and bought new fitted underwear. Those women know their stuff! I found good jeans in Next that suited me and went shopping for some new tops and dresses. Until lock down happened, I was feeling pretty good. I do work out but I'm not skinny at all. I think when I felt good, I looked good. I'm happy to look 47 but frumpy is bad at any age.
My 72 year old MIL is stunning. She wears youngish clothes, has really nice hair, and wears light subtle make up and is smiley and happy.My sons 50 something teacher gets all shy around her. She's still turning heads. A lot of it is attitude. Good luck.

Curly hair is not aging if done right, just as any other kind of hair.

*Fantastic thread, thank you!

I love it when threads in S&B take off, they so often don’t.*

Completely agree. I think it always helps when posters add photographs like the OP has done, it really helps everyone knowing how to advise.

I think frumpy is more about how you feel about yourself, I felt frumpy at end of year, so changed my style, dusted off my heels and did make up each day. Until lock down felt much better

There seems to be some really opposing views on this thread. I’ve come to the conclusion that there must be multiple types of frumpy! Mumsy being one type, invisible being another? Any advances on that?

A mumsy friend of mine is always turned out lovely - hair perfectly done, neatly pressed clothes in the right colours, nice makeup, but her overall looks is just plain Jane despite the attention to detail. My DH also described her as mumsy but couldn’t say why exactly it was just her overall look. I think she’d look less mumsy with hair like you OP actually.

An invisible relative wears clothes that make her disappear. She always says a certain type of clothing shop is for ‘younger women’ but never went in them herself as a younger woman? It seems to be an ever moving target that she’s always been just too old for. Rather randomly she enquires if I want any lilac jumpers like hers picking up from Edinburgh wooden mill despite being 30 years younger and, as far as I’m aware, not owning anything remotely similar? Maybe she thinks I’m not invisible enough with my choices

@PhoneLock what weights exactly will give me your body please? I believe I do have your legs hiding somewhere under a little padding but maybe also need them stretching a touch!

I am reading this with interest. I think if anything it just shows how we all have such different ideas of what looks good / frumpy etc! I think the whole idea of clothes that are more expensive and “fit well” to the point of being almost tailored in appearance makes someone look much older, mostly simply because younger people just wouldn’t spend money on those things (unless for work).

I am nearly 40, I have a lot of health conditions and I’m in early menopause. I don’t want to wear things that are tight round my middle - it’s uncomfortable. I don’t want to wear a bra that is tight round my rib cage. I’ve been measured at Bravissimo etc and I’m a 32H so I have pretty big boobs but my days of trying to hoist them up within an inch of their life is over. I couldn’t care less. I wear stretchy crop tops because they’re comfortable.

I have a lot of hot flushes - despite being on HRT, and yes I’ve not been on it long so I’m hoping these go but like I imagine a lot of older women (older than me) feel I can’t imagine anything worse than being stuck in restrictive or remotely tight anything. It’s almost like you can’t bear anything touching your skin in menopause. I suspect that’s why a lot of women end up in stretchy, supermarket type stuff.

I do want to look nice - and contrary to how I probably sound from all that I do make an effort! I wear oversized tops, plain t shirts, wide leg loose flowing trousers, trendy trainers - I have a 17 year old dd who tells me if I look good or not. And she’s pretty honest.

I do take care of my skin - always wear high spf and used to work as a consultant for Clinique for many, many years so I think skincare is really important.

But I do think when you reach 40 plus it’s hard to feel comfortable - yet alone stylish at times. My 17 year old wears almost top to toe polyester skin tight clothes, as I used to and my body just winces at the thought of all that plastic and heat!

I think it's pretty sad you describe your relative as invisible