How to not look middle aged

[Justtakeatowel]

I've seen a few pictures of my recently and I look frumpy. I don't mind looking my age (mid 40s) but I just look uurgh.

I've started curly girl and I think curly hair ages me loads! Where do I need to buy from to make myself a bit more with it? I've a tendency to buy cheap supermarket stuff which I think isn't always cut the best and I'm willing to spend a bit more.

I'm 5 ft 7 and 9 stone 9 if that makes a difference but a definite apple and have a bit of a belly which I think adds to the frumpiness

Thanks!

Posture, suppleness and strength will keep middle age at bay best. At 64, after 15 years of Pilates and/or walking, I stay about the same size as I was at 40. Eat well but sparingly, use SPF, have proper bra fittings when replacing underwear, and... whatever you like wearing and wear most is where you should prioritise your spending.

Uniqlo T shirts and cashmere from M&S or Uniqlo represent about 50% of my clothes. Coats, jeans and shoes are mostly high-end bought in the sales, or practical (workout kit, wellies); bags are often pre-loved (but the first-owner spent a lot.) Occasion wear is vintage ballgowns (inherited) or cheap, because I don't need it often so it goes on forever, plus I share fancy androgynous items with DS. Cost per wear is the Holy Grail. (And I almost never throw anything out that isn't worn, except if it's now too revealing of my wrinkly decolletage.)

Clothes trends are popular for a reason though- breton tops, camel coats and dark blue jeans are universally flattering. I don't get too worried about my clothes being a 'cliche'. If you want your clothes to be expression of yourself then you have to wear clothes that nobody else is wearing, and then they become 'weird' and more about the clothes than you. I want my clothes to just look nice, not to stand out from a crowd or be attention seeking, I want them to make me look good so people just see me as a person , not look at what I'm wearing as a curiosity. That's why I wear colours that harmonise with my my colouring, not clash with me. I like neutrals and blues and greens which flatter me. Bright yellows, oranges and reds shout out and overpower my looks so I avoid them.

Regarding established ideas of chic - The Breton tops are fine but not for my G cup boobs especially not with that high neckline I'd look massive.
I suit v necks, wrap tops, Bardot tops, just lower necklines generally in a darker colour.

I also don't suit the long camel coats; I prefer parka style or puffa jackets as they are shorter (I'm short) & have a hood which is useful as I can't drive & it's too windy for umbrellas mostly when it rains.
I also like denim jackets & biker jackets & change them regularly as styles change.

I wear trainers mostly white leather ones eg Adidas a lot.
Also I like my River Island sandals which look pretty, are comfy & flat; & my Havianas.
In the autumn I'll be back in my ankle boots probably biker style, as well.
On nights out I sometimes wear heels.

I like skinny jeans but I'm looking at other styles now too; I looked on the River Island site last night and there were some nice Slim Leg, Mom style & Straight Leg among the skinnies & jeggings.
The problem is all the changing rooms are shut!!

I know midi length is in fashion but my elderly patients tend to go in for flared midi length skirts so that puts me off.
I have got one midi dress but it's straight not flared with a split so still shows some leg ha!

I think colour does help actually. I know not everyone want to do that, and one can look very stylish in neutrals. But for me I know that wearing something bright in a colour that suits me makes me feel good and therefore I look better, this is true of any age of course, but particularly now I am older it does also indicate that I am not trying to fade into the background. And people smile at me more when I wear something bright!
Fabrics with some weight are important, and fit, fit, fit. I am always altering the waist and shoulders of things.

Yes, I agree, it is about what makes you confident and happy rather than a prescriptive "wear this" and "avoid this". Fashion is very subjective, look at some of the ridiculous trends that are cool one minute then deemed hideous the next. Or how many different opinions there can be on one item of clothing.

For me the #1 thing that brings me confidence is doing my hair properly. I have thick, dry and frizzy hair which looks like Hermione Granger from Book 1 if I leave it natural. When I can be bothered to straighten it properly, I feel about 5x better.

I'm loving this whole thread, and as one well past my forties, I'd say two things:

• Don't keep harking back to the past: that'll always make you seem old

and most importantly:

• posture - not you, OP, at least not yet. But you can have all the trendy/sophisticated stuff you like, but if you have bad posture you'll look loads older whatever you do. Walk/stand with pride and confidence!

This thread has some great advice. Thanks OP for starting it. I am in a similar situation.

A thought for anyone who needs glasses. They don't have to be safe. In fact, whatever your age, they should be the most fashion-forward style that suits you, because it's what the world sees first. So try on a lot, in a good independent optician in preference to SpecSavers or Boots if you have one. Buying high fashion frames makes everything else you wear (no matter how classic) look instantly contemporary. Google images of Linda Rodin for proof.

Poor art teachers! They don’t all look zany. In fact two individuals I knew were fond of black. Interestingly, both had nice bobs. And yet another was an old lady who always wore bright red lipstick!

Esme on the sewing programme looks a bit stuck in a time warp and wants the world to know she worked / works in fashion.

I love Lucy Worsley’s look:

breton tops, camel coats and dark blue jeans are universally flattering.

I disagree. It's all subjective isn't it. I don't look good in breton tops at all and I hate the colour camel. I'd be much more likely to wear a white shirt or tee shirt and navy or grey coat. We all suit different things.

www.lucyworsley.com/in-the-closet-with-lucy-worsley-i-let-the-express-poke-around-in-my-wardrobe/

Her colours are a bit bright but she looks fabulous.

Problem with these threads is it’s just personal opinion, one persons idea of young and stylish is another persons frumpsville as that picture of the woman in the striped top and scarf proved. I think it’s better to find someone on instagram, fashion blogger or a particular celebrity who’s look you like and reflects your own style and go from there.

Esme is presumably in her 70s. Her dresses suit her! It’s all about style and I don’t think her clothes shout any era at all because they are classic.

I agree with clock. Im your age bracket, same height and was The same weight.
I felt old and invisible.
I lost 10lbs but gained muscle tone ( this was shockingly easy, try some online equipment free workouts, stick with it...it only took a couple if weeks to start seeing real results and I'm happy with my body for the first time since kids were born) , dyed my hair and completely overhauled my wardrobe.
I feel 10 years younger and am sooo much more confident!

I like wearsmymoney too. Although the veja look is also somewhat middle aged.

Have you read the Curated Closet OP? It's about getting a capsule wardrobe based on pieces that really suit you, and the look you want to achieve. I'm going through it - one of the stages is collecting images (from insta, magazines, pinterest etc) of styles you admire. I find most of mine are Emmanuel Alt or Giovanna Battaglia or random scandi models. It's a useful way of working out what looks you admire. The next stage is trying things on, which is slightly more challenging at the moment.

Lucy Worsley

As an aside I had a boyfriend who really fancied her - liked the whole slide in the hair, coy look.

Ooh I love my Mom jeans - whenever I wear them people always ask where they are from (new look)

Best face cream is hands down Nivea Q10

Love it and what a bargain

Fantastic thread, thank you!

I love it when threads in S&B take off, they so often don’t.

Some great tips here, I’m 44 and really into clothes, I’m trying to learn to stick to quality purchases rather than loads of tat.

Some greats tips, thank you all.

Camel looks dreadful on some people - it all depends on your colouring. Give me a navy coat any day, or even better a dark charcoal grey.

I don't agree with a lot of what this blog says www.theviviennefiles.com/a-common-wardrobe/ , but her opening remarks, about a 'common wardrobe' of about 15 garments worn by a lot of creative people are interesting. As she says, it's the details that count (and presumably avoid frumpyness). And her 'playing' with colour (devising outfits based on the colours of a painting or a scarf etc) is imaginative. Sometimes it works (IMHO), sometimes definitely not ...

I think that shape, proportion and balance of a outfit are often underestimated - although a few posters have already mentioned how small alterations in eg length can make a big difference.

I can think of very, very few people who look good in heels.

I agree with @boatsbookswalks re posture.

The woman doctors at work always have an air of confidence that I've always envied & I think it's their upright posture & expressive body language that helps.
From their speech I suspect most have learnt these skills at public school.
My mum had a scholarship to a local private school & they actually taught good posture in their lessons!!
So she's always been on at me to 'stand up straight! Don't slouch! ' and it's worked.

It's actually really hard to hold your shoulders straight & your head high when you feel nervous, but it can help you put on an air of confidence as well as youth.

I love
Lucy Worsley’s look too.
I think she has her clothes made as they don’t look like anything else in the shops that I’ve seen.