I have nothing I like to wear 😭 .. size 16

[Adollop]

I dislike the way I look, but am struggling to lose weight, I think partly due to menopause and partly due to various health problems.

I have nothing I look good in In winter it's not so bad, I live in leggings and long tops/ jumpers. But in summer I look awful. I can't find tops that don't emphasise my spare tyre , that are long enough to cover my bum, that don't make my 36g chest look matronly ...

I just bought a dress on eBay (where I mostly shop for financial reasons), it's a loose footing hankie hem, I right it would be better than fitted, but it looks awful .

Please, please help me. I feel so down.

I have a few things I like - a short denim skirt and a short black linen skirt, because my legs aren't bad, I like long loose shirts, but am struggling to find ones that cover my bum.

Any ideas appreciated. Links would be great too. I can't get to a personal shopper service and mostly shop online, as all I have nearby is M&S, Debenhams, New Look, Peacocks, bon marche ...

@Adollop if it rubbed under your arms then you were mis measured, I had this once and wore the bra back to the store I bought it from showed them the sore bits and demanded another bra and to be remeasured. A correct fitting bra shouldn't rub like that.

Thank you Buster. Yes, it's difficult. I've been measured before at M&S and Debenhams and then Bravissimo, the first two were completely wrong. Bravissimo were much better, but I can't get to them easily these days. However, I think you're right, I'll have to plan an outing to the nearest city.

I think I'm just fed up at the moment. I went shopping and couldn't really find anything I liked. The necklines weren't flattering, mainly too high. I was overwhelmed by shops full of clothes I wouldn't normally buy and didn't know where to start. And I'm hampered by not being able to afford much - which is why I usually shop on eBay, but recently everything I've bought hasn't fitted.

I think I'd be happy if I could just find one skirt and style of top I like and then buy the top in a few colours. Plus a well fitting bra.

Forget m&s for bra measuring they are rubbish!
If you are buying in eBay then research one shop, find out what size you are in that one shop and stick to it! For me the best tops are stretchy ones, then I know they will fit over my boobs! I like Oasis for stretchy dresses (tshirt material), I'm a size 14-16 with 34FF boobs and their large fits me with plenary of spare room! If the item isn't stretchy then even a 16 may not fit over my boobs. I try to steer clear of brands I don't know as it's anyone's guess if they fit!

That's the problem I've had recently, I bought a couple of summer dresses and tops, and they weren't stretchy and nowhere near fitted me!

Cotton 99% of the time never fits my boobs, so jersey dresses are my go to!
I have had some luck with Dorothy Perkins lately, I've bought a few linen cotton mix dresses and a viscose dress in a 14 and it just about fits my boobs! I'm really pleased, you can see a slight gape from the size but nothing that you'd think it doesn't fit properly.
Stripy jersey dresses seem to flatter me for some reason, I hardly ever wear skirts and tops, skirts can make me look grumpy but jeans are good as my lower half is a lot slimmer.

Frumpy not grumpy! Ha ha. So for me it's mainly dresses and jeans and tops.

Yes, I can't wear anything without stretch on my upper half.

Can you recommend some stripy jersey dresses you've bought or seen?

You say that you have a local M&S. Have you tried signing up to Try Tuesday? This is their online styling & inspiration service. I signed up last year when I was in a mid-life style rut & have had some good suggestions from them, including things I wouldn't normally consider trying on. If you like anything you could order it for delivery to your local store & then go & try it on with a trusted friend for feedback. Then if you don't like it you can return it immediately while in store.

I also have tried personal shopping at John Lewis & Debenhams. JL was very good but I was very disappointed with Debenhams. The personal stylist was very young & her suggestions bore no relation to what I'd asked for. She tried to style me in clothes my elderly mother would wear. Obvs I looked very old to her!

There’s a YouTube series called Ladylike. One of the women who hosts it would is a plus-size woman called Kristin. I watch her because she’s really charming, interested in clothes and wears them well. She’d be worth watching to see the kinds of things she wears - she’s not hiding in baggy things. :-)

Try these:

Thanks Pink! I didn't know about M&S Tuesday, I've just signed up for it.

I really really want a personal shopping experience, but I'm afraid I won't be able to afford their suggestions.

Thanks you Dance. I followed a few plus size accounts on Insta for a while, but they're nothing like me - much bigger and bolder. I'm just ordinary, casual, not brave, and I don't have the money for most of the brands worn. I'll take a look though.

One of the videos is Kristin reviewing sites which make clothes to fit your measurements - that might be worth a try. I think I have a link somewhere. A handful of comfortable and flattering basics might help you upgrade your look and utilise the rest of your wardrobe.

Here you go. www.eshakti.com

Something like this, it's not ground breaking fashion but it looks nice and is smart casual. I like thicker striped, I have a navy and white one from Sugarhill boutique and a white one with thin navy stripes and bows on the sleeves from Esprit and I have a bright yellow, black and red one form Benetton which is thin stripes, which I like because it's not my usual thing, oh and I've got another Benetton one which is ribbed and white and navy with silver threaded through. This one has a bit of a skater dress shape to it so it's a bit more dressy. I never thought I'd suit stripes as I'm not petite but actually I think the suit me more as they accentuate my boobs and kind of hide my tummy a bit. I do have slim hips and a decent bottom so maybe that's why?

Doh....here's the picture!

Here's my navy, white and silver Benetton one and my Dorothy Perkins one, which in real life isn't a pencil shape but a typical short dress shape at the bottom.

Typical shirt dress shape, as in it goes in at the belted waist then flares out at the bottom. I like it, and actually I do wear it over leggings I know that's a fashion no but I live somewhere so hot and the leggings are so much more comfier then jeans on a hairy leg day! 😂

I am LIVING in this top at the moment! What you can't really tell is it has a flared shape from under armpits to the hem and therefore not clingy!
Black top

Also, I have These dress/tops from H&M in every conceivable pattern and colour. They come out every year and sell out quick, from plain black to patterned. I've got 12 of them, all different!

I knew it'll be that dress @BigusBumus I have 4 of them BUT I have to say they do hide the figure rather than make it look good, I'm only saying as my husband hates them as he thinks they make me look fatter than I am. To be fair, anything that goes straight down from my boobs does make me look huge! I need to give the illusion of a waist!

I love that H&M dress/top, but it does go against what people have been saying about not hiding in clothes I guess.

I've been steering clear of shirt dresses, because I have no waist and think a belt would just make that more obvious??

I love charity shops, sadly don't live in a great area, so seldom find things I like, but I keep looking.

Good idea, I'll have a think.

Ihave no waist either but love shirt dresses!

Bigus Bumus - I had to laugh when I clicked the link. It is amazing how reviews differ! One said the material was very poor, anohter said it was good! I am surprised, I did not think Lipsy did up to an 18.