I want to dress upper middle class

[ConfusedWife1234]

I actually am upper middle class, live in an upper middle class neighborhood and because of this I would like to dress more upper middle class.

A woman I know told me she thought I was desperately poor first time we met... and I am really not happy with the way I dress.

Can you help me?

Buy a new barbour and. Find a friendly farmer with cattle. Throw your barbour, wellies into the cattle shed, let cattle walk all over it for a week at least. Retrieve and wear.

OP you sound so sad.

I can only echo what others have said here. Somehow or other you need to accept what you are. If you are ‘UMC’, then you are, regardless of clothing. That woman you met is plain nasty. Try and ignore what she said.

By all means find a decent stylist and get ‘done’. The forget the clothes, find a good psychotherapist and get your own therapy. You will benefit and therefore your kids will benefit too. And btw, your husbands ptsd does not define you. It’s his.

I don’t think a lot of the ‘class’ system that is an inherent part of English society doesn’t really apply to other countries so don’t stress about it!

Buy a new barbour and. Find a friendly farmer with cattle. Throw your barbour, wellies into the cattle shed, let cattle walk all over it for a week at least. Retrieve and wear.

I have a shortcut. Wear Barbour on a muddy dog walk, take off, put in boot of car with dogs and wellies. Repeat as necessary. Wear.

No fake tan, umc don't work outdoors nor do they lie on the beach on holiday so they don't look tanned, fake or otherwise.

OK I live in England, always have but had a German father.

Well cut simple clothes
Good shoes.
Well cut/oloured hair
Be understated
Nothing flash

What money can't buy. Confidence.

Am just off to Sainsburys.

Navy jeggings, long black boots, navy tunic with a bit of pale blue and red in it. Basler coat, black crossover handbag.

No idea what that style is abd don't really care about clothes but we have the trappings of a very upper mc life.

German people I know in the UK are generally better dressed than Englush people. Quality tailoring and well cut - lots of woollen fabrics and v good jewellery but they tend to be bankers wives.

If that's where you live then surely you are surrounded by the people you want to be like.. just copy their style. Really though isn't it better to be yourself?

A lot of German middle class women have impeccable style and grooming- there is a lot of Jil Sanderesque going on and they wear the best fabrics they can afford. Many have a pared back look but are very groomed ( not overgroomed though).

You can begin to emulate this quite easily on the cheap. Uniqlo merino crew and v necks with a nice pair of jeans, belt and some good leather brogues, Chelsea boots or even trainers would help.

A lovely coat is a non-negotiable and Weekend Maxmara have sales on all over Europe now. Get in to a store and try on loads - the classic camel probably wouldn't work with your colouring but there are many others.

Hair and skin must be prioritised - a simple, easy to wear and style cut and colour if you want, is important.

This should be an enjoyable process and hopefully give you a bit of a confidence boost OP.

The pearls, must be inherited, ditto any other jewellery.

Sitranced

No fake tan, umc don't work outdoors nor do they lie on the beach on holiday so they don't look tanned, fake or otherwise.

I know.

Tanned well, they do not shoot indoors, so a good natural tan from exposure is expected.

Joules.! As if that were UMC. It’s as naff as anything. (I’m not UMC obviously. I went to a comp and everything).

I have taken winter sun package holidays in the Canaries where there tended to be lots of retired Germans.

What I noticed was that they dressed in a smart casual way at all times in the hotel, as if they were going to an outdoor summer business meeting, if that makes sense. Pastel or white jackets, plain blouses, and pencil skirts, or knee-length black linen shorts and a lighter top, for the women during the day. Classic cuts.

The fabrics were always natural. No sandals worn at breakfast. Closed toe pumps with a bit of texture were worn, but no sequins, glitter, etc.

All this was combined with an unhurried air when moving around the hotel.

I’ve started wearing more natural fabrics myself since because I feel more confident in them. Someone else might find them boring.

OP - ignore that rude unclassy woman. I’m sure you would never be as rude yourself about someone’s appearance.

Maybe get your colours and style ID done by e.g. the House of Colour. This will give you some ‘rules’ to help you feel more confident in yourself.

Confused you are getting such a hard time on here! As a previous poster said, do a search for the ‘how to look expensive’ threads on here. If you’re not sure if black will suit you, do you know what colour season you are ie Winter, Summer etc? Maybe search for that too. You can learn this stuff even if it’s important to you. Good luck!

You can learn this stuff* Not sure where the even came from!

Tanned well, they do not shoot indoors, so a good natural tan from exposure is expected.
Shooting season is Sept to Feb.

"Joules is in no way upper middle class!"

What is it then? It's not lower middle class or working class.
That is actually what I picture for upper middle class clothes - lots of colour. Ordinary people wear a lot more black and dark blue, but upped middle class people more likely to wear colours and patterns. Men in red trousers, women in flowery and patterned dresses.

I hate posting this because it makes me sound absolutely awful but where we live Joules is only worn by the so-called by others “chavvy lot” - who wear it because they want to seem middle class as it’s such an identifiable middle class brand- or so people think- and ironically here it’s become the opposite.. My sil kits herself and her kids out in top to toe Joules, she lives on a very rough estate and her and her friends spend all their money on clothes from a Boden and Joules and yet penny pinch in every single other aspect of their lives.... it makes me laugh because we all have different priorities. We are a low income family ourselves - disabled child, dh working full time min wage etc - but I would rather put the kids in cheap stuff and spend the money on experiences and days out. I find it all very interesting!

I would never look at someone in Joules clothes and think they were middle or upper class.

But then maybe the whole thing is nonsense anyway, maybe no one can tell anything about anyone anymore!

Joules is pure frump, dreadful stuff

Thank you for all the answers. I am going to answer your questions.

How do I look? I have ginger hair (but I colour it brown), shoulderlength, milky skin, people over here say I have an English look , very skinny, skinny long face with high cheekbones, wish my face would look fuller, unfortunately I do not have good skin, when I am nervous I get red spots. I am very skinny and flatchested. 30, but look younger.

What kind of houses are in the neighborhood - old or new ones? Actually both types. We live in an old one... but there is also a lot of new ones because people got priced out of a nearby big city and build houses here.

How do the people whose looks I like dress? Much black, very minimalistic, polished, often bright red lipstick, no makeup on eyes. Hard to describe.

How does dh treat me? Typically he treats me kindly. He is a nice and friendly man... but sometimes when he is unwell he acts snobby and superior. I think this is just how he copes with feeling unwell.
Then he does complain about shabby clothes too (he does complain about just everything then)... and I let him do it. He had thoughts of suicide. He asked me to be gentle with him and says he knows he can be a pita sometimes.
Dh sometimes says he would love me to be a bit more welldressed and told me to just take some money buy something.

OP, honestly, wear what YOU feel good in.

I am in your class bracket, but have dogs, chickens and a big draghty house. I wear the same leggings or jeans, thick sweaters and wellies or walking boots. My barbpur is shit up to high heaven and my hair has not been cut or styled for a couple of years.
I am a scruff. But I am a happy scruff.
My best friend lives in the town in a small flat. She is IMMACULATE. Her nails, hair, everything. She wears makeup everyday ffs. She is bloody wonderful.
She would hate to be me and I would hate to be her.

Dont try and emulate, just be yourself😁

I am the only person who thinks what you really need is counselling for the bullying.

Money, clothes, make-up, cars etc no matter how expensive will never make you comfortable in your own life.

You should embrace the ginger OP! If you feel you can't wear black, you could uniform dress in navy or grey and achieve a similar result. Being flat-chested really suits the minimal look so you're lucky.

You sound very striking but often us very pale-skinned types need to wear foundation often to cancel out redness.

I do think your DH needs to get some help and it's something you both need to discuss.

Do you have any friends to chat to/go shopping with?

One of my best friends is umc. She wears a lot of Joules & Crew Clothing mixed in with cheap clothes & a scruffy leather mulberry bag.
Her usual style is über casual - knee high boots with skinny jeans, a Breton top or stripy jumper & a gilet. No earrings & minimal jewellery. She's 34.

I'm definitely working class but now own a couple of crew jumpers from the sale.
But I never look umc because I'm just not!

Rich umc women just look umc in my opinion because they went to a good public school which teaches them how to be confident with the right deportment & body language, how to mix with other people confidently & to talk 'properly'.
Through my friend I now know several umc people & they are nice, not arrogant or snobby. They never give me the feeling that they look down on me.

The reason they don't look down on me is that despite being wc care assistant with a local accent I'm polite, nice & kind & confident in what I am & proud of my background.

OP you have to be proud of what you are - be proud of your roots & expect people to take you as you are. If people dislike that then they are really not worth knowing!!

By the way I worked with an umc German medical student. She had the right look, the clothes & an expensive watch.
But you know what? She had just got over anorexia & an unhappy breakup.
So I didn't envy her at all.

Next time a person says you're not umc just say proudly no actually I'm not but it doesn't matter to me!!

Sitranced Sun 30-Dec-18 16:33:44
Tanned well, they do not shoot indoors, so a good natural tan from exposure is expected.
Shooting season is Sept to Feb......................................................

Actually if you wish to be accurate the glorious 12th. Then pheasants from October 1st to February 1 (but only cock birds on that last day). If you wish to be pedantic. You do get a really good tan shooting through the winter. Then of course skiing to keep it topped up.