Anal bleaching

[poobag]

Right, I'm looking for a product to lighten up the skin around my anus and vulva. Approaching 40 and had 3 kids - I couldn't look less like a porn star down there if I tried. But try I will.
Any recommendations?

Got distracted from my original point hwich was: wouldn't pineapple skin work? Inside out obviously . Like trying to bring on labour by pineappling your nips.

Portia, great time saver that- do the loo while you are there!

@picklemepopcorn I've made myself laugh by thinking about pineapple rings.

And me.

MN is cooking on gas these days, (oops, sorry). So many hilarious threads, so little time.

FFS people, I have a MILLION things to do and I'm doing none of those things as I'm caught between the glorious-ness of this thread and wondering about the state of my own dear arsehole.

Ok I caved and googled.
Apparently we should be doing our nipples too whilst men should be brightening their plums for our viewing pleasure.

Looks like DH needs a cardi too

A puckered bumhole is a puckered bumhole whichever shade of Farrow and Ball it is

Oh gawd, just as I was perusing what shade of paint for the landing.....☹️😟
Perhaps wallpaper might be better.

@WilburIsSomePig you need a had mirror. No more wondering.

I'm supposed to be at Tesco buying toothpaste, but now I need to pineapple rings to my list.

There does seem to be some confusion with the op.

Op, to help clarify,

Your anus is not classified as your genitalia.
Having a bleached anus is not the normal definition of a "nice arse". Do you really think if someone says he's got a nice arse it's in relation to the persons anus?
Your anus being bleached has no correlation to the size of your vagina.

You may need to use google some more,,,,or start another thread to address the confusion.

We all need to catch the look on our DP/DH's faces when we tell them we have bought pineapple to lighten their plums.

@WilburIsSomePig you need a had mirror. No more wondering.

I'm not sure I want to know. What if it's worse than I fear, the shock might prompt me to break out the Flash bleach.

There once was a lady on Mumsnet
Who wondered, “how white can my arse get?”
Bleaching, tippex or bling,
Or pineapple rings,
And there’s no end to the farce yet.

@Backenette

PMSL

Any of you ladies got a knitting pattern for an arran jumper with nipple holes? I'm in Scotland and it's freezing here.

I'm imagining the advertising for the product:

Typical porn male holding the tub / bottle : whatever:

Laydeez

'If your anus looks like boiled bush tucker
And you can't even get off with a trucker
Then buy 'Ring O' Sparkle'
I hear it's used by Meg Markle
Cos Harry's a sucker for a gleaming white pucker'

iklboo 😆

I’ve got the answer! Combine the doily with the bleach! Think of the patterns! This could be like a new tattoo craze.
And special patterns for Christmas etc

For all of those googling, just think what your ads on fb etc are going to be like....

I couldn't look less like a porn star down there if I tried. But try I will.

Yes, I try to look less like a porn star too. I'm probably more prawn star really.......or prawn ring.....

Ive only just found this thread and read the 1st two pages and im dying😂😂😂😂😂

Jeez who the fuck wants to look like a porn star? The have arse holes like buckets.

Just shows this to DH and he is 🤮 at the thought of bleach down there,

SeniorRita

This thread is comedy gold!

Am thinking of the Farrow and Ball paint chart. Maybe a range of colours, going from 'Georgian Polo' at the 'white-with-a-hint-of-pink' end of the range, grading all the way up to '70s Puckered Puce' at the more vibrant end of the spectrum.

I can almost see the man in the shop earnestly discussing the pros and cons of each shade.

Furrow and Balls, our new range....

I started typing Meghan Markle into google....

Jeez who the fuck wants to look like a porn star? The have arse holes like buckets.

😂😂😂😂😂😂

Also who sees it. Your arse cheeks hide it unless you bend over and seperate them. Or you're super skinny.