I think I'm becoming middle aged 'invisible' woman. Can anything be done?

[ProperLavs]

I turn 50 this month and have noticed, or perhaps I am choosing to notice , that when I am in shops sales assistants appear not to see me anymore. Not that long ago I would be pounced on and hassled, which although incredibly annoying I would rather that than be ignored.
I have heard that woman start to become 'invisible' as they age.
I think I look younger than my years, dress in a trendy but not silly way, certainly don't look frumpy, but something is happening.
Can anything be done?(Apart from wearing oversized sparkly glasses and a clown outfit).
if this has happened to you did you find a way round it?

I am 52 and happened when I went to a new cosmetics shop with lots trendy brands. It was awful. I walked out and haven't been back.

I love being invisible in middle age, it's wonderful. It's so nice not be peripherally conscious of being looked at all the time. I feel like I can say, do and wear what I like now.

I haven't noticed any change in customer service in shops though, that varies wildly from shop to shop depending on their strategy and how well each one is managed. Some have always been rubbish, even when I was younger. I don't think that's an age thing, it might just be because you're in different shops now?

Whom would you like attention from? What kind of attention?

I think there's an element of change in serving style as well so you are less likely to get hassled because some shoppers find it off putting (like restaurant service is more informal even in top restaurants these days).

But find your inner headmistress voice and demand attention if you want it (politely of course). The staff are there to sell clothes and If you need help they should provide it.

Today I was in the niche section of Selfridges perfume hall. Normally you can't walk near a stall before you are set upon with a sales pitch.
Today, nada. Even when I was obviously interested, nada.

I was wondering whether middle aged women invisibility is something that happens or something that we imagine.

I don't 'get' this. Why can't you just ask for some help? Make yourself visible, if you want to be.

remus, I can do that, that's not the point of my initial post though, I might not have explained myself clearly, my fault.
It's about becoming invisible when once I was noticed, it's about becoming an older woman when I suspect I no longer have the same status that I once had as a younger woman
It's depressing..

I find that I'm not looked by men anymore at in a way that makes me feel like "prey", and I welcome it!

I hated being whistled at and having blokes tell me to "smile luv, it might not happen", or for them just to look at my norks/ legs/ whatever.

I've never been invisible to retail staff as I smile at them. Mostly everyone working in a shop is bored, so I'm always up for a chat.

I think if you used to be very beautiful, it's harder to grow old and accept the ravages of time. I'm lucky in that way, as I was never a leggy stunner.

I mean I was ok, but now I know the lure of youthful perky beauty out shines anything I have, and I'm happy to pass the baton on. Delighted actually. I hated the constant harassment, and the constant feeling of being watched and appraised.

I'm even going grey and have not coloured my hair for months, and have found it surprisingly liberating. I'm not very grey, but the fussing about "roots" was interfering in my happiness! I've also stopped wearing a lot of make up: bare faced cheek is also very liberating

OP you need to embrace your "second spring" as the menopause is called in China. This is 'you' time, and for the rest of your life- concentrate on pleasing yourself now and achieving things for yourself.

Pop over to the menopause boards here- I've found the support over there very helpful.

thanks Dorje. i will pop over. I just feel like I need some tips. I hated the hassle but i would like to feel that I looked good still, not sure about that though!

Apparently there's an upside....

I'm 51 and I have been invisible in pubs/bars since I can remember , I refuse to order now, CBA with trying to get served , holding my money there at an empty bar then ANOther walks up and the barstaff are all over them. I am here y'know

I went into Mac (not my choice of shop, I was buying for someone else) , even though there is a Security man , the staff outnumbered customers and I was the only older customer , I couldn't got arrested easier than served.

But mainly invisible if I'm with my beautiful, tall slim 15yo DD. She gets second glances (from females and males) and wafts totally unfazed like a ship in full sail

could;ve got arrested -sigh

Just start doing what my toddler does when she feels like she needs some attention and throw yourself down on the floor and scream.

If you want attention you have to be nice
No shop assistant will want to really be attentive if you are demanding or in anyway off putting

Nope, still don't 'get' it. Unless previously your 'status' (or sense of your own 'status') was entirely to do with looks/attention.

I don't for a second believe that shop assistants in Selfridges only want to serve people who 'look good'. I suspect it's more to do with shop assistants often being more interested in talking to each other than to customers, however good looking or not, or middle aged or not, they are.

I find this interesting. I'm still young enough that I shouldn't become "invisible" for a long time. I really like how I look (my face anyway- when it comes to clothes I can be a bit of a victim) but I honestly don't see anyone giving me a second glance, and I never have done. I'm a size 12 with boobs and a face full of makeup. Women say they don't get attention and men stop checking them out - I'm baffled. I've never noticed a man checking me out in my life. Once I tried to catch their eyes just to check, and they were definitely looking at the ground. I don't get compliments or people noticing my appearance either. Even on my wedding day,nobody complimented me

I very much suspect I'm on the spectrum, to be honest, so I wonder if I don't pick up on body language or something

It's real - my friends and I joke about it all the time. Not sure when I first noticed it but probably mid 50s. People genuinely don't see you so whether or not you are nice is irrelevant. I try not to take it personally and remind myself I was just as bad myself once.

It takes some getting used to but, as some posters have said, it can be quite liberating. I've become much less self conscious and more adventurous in how I dress as I figure no-one's looking at me so I may as well have some fun.

And it's not just men.

I find putting menopausal weight on has made me invisible. Mind you its probably a confidence thing as l feel sooo frumpy carrying this extra stone or so and they say confidence is the sexiest dress you can wear.

I'm not quite there yet but it's such a common experience that it must be real.

I've noticed this too although it doesn't really bother me too much. Strangely I have found that the cashiers in Waitrose and M&S (who tend to be young adults) are the worst offenders and I've changed my shopping habits accordingly. Their loss!

I haven't noticed any ignoring in shops, in fact, the opposite. I wouldn't say staff have ever fallen over themselves to help, but I have noticed I've been given more attention. The other kind of attention a younger woman gets has definitely disppeared, but I had plenty of that when young, that's just life.

But...but...why would you want to be 'noticed' by cashiers in Waitrose and M&S anyway?

Maybe I've just always been invisible.

I'm older than you, OP, and not invisible. Ffs, what was wrong with people today, staring all the time?