I think I'm becoming middle aged 'invisible' woman. Can anything be done?

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I turn 50 this month and have noticed, or perhaps I am choosing to notice , that when I am in shops sales assistants appear not to see me anymore. Not that long ago I would be pounced on and hassled, which although incredibly annoying I would rather that than be ignored.
I have heard that woman start to become 'invisible' as they age.
I think I look younger than my years, dress in a trendy but not silly way, certainly don't look frumpy, but something is happening.
Can anything be done?(Apart from wearing oversized sparkly glasses and a clown outfit).
if this has happened to you did you find a way round it?

I also feel that I am reasonably attractive. I am slim, well toned, good skin, all that, but it's about other people's perceptions of what I am.
Since I started this I have been making an effort to acknowledge older women. A look and a smile that says ' I see you' makes a big difference.

Me too op, it's made me question whether I'm sometimes guilty myself of not noticing old people (i.e older than me). It's one reason why I don't think confirmation bias explains it.

no, confirmation bias doesn't explain it.

Fair enough.

People are different and if you want to see intermittent rudeness as an ageist phenomenon, then that's how you'll see it. Even a little run of substandard behaviour around you is entirely normal (in the sense of what random actually means, where you can get quite a run of events).

auntie you don't get it. it's not about intermittent rudeness. fgs.

I do 'get it'

I just disagree with you about the significance.

I post regularly about ageism, btw.

You see it isn't about being people rude to me. They're not being rude, they simply don't notice that I'm there, there's a big difference. They aren't deliberately passing me over, it's not a conscious thing, they just don't register me.

You could equally argue that if you don't want to see it as age related then you won't.

I think confirmation bias is always worth considering and I don't think you can prove or disprove it on a thread like this but firstly, as I've said, I recognise the behaviour in myself. Besides I don't even perceive it as rudeness - I think it's a genuine not seeing me and sometimes it has advantages, e.g. these days I can watch people at close range (I'm nosey) and never worry any more about accidentally catching their eye because I know they won't notice me.

You only have to read a few threads on here about how middle aged women should dress or wear their hair - as if we all suit the same things - to get the distinct impression that some posters think everyone over 50 looks the same.

Sorry, posted before I'd finished - the reason they think we all look the same is, in my opinion, because they don't see us. Why do I think so? Because I know what I was like when I was young.

I am not actually allowed to disagree because that is making your personal experience disappear. So i will just say once more that it is different for me. I felt uncomfortably pounced upon and leered upon as a teenager. I was very self conscious.

Now I feel that I can be friendly to everyone - male or female. I feel confident and I feel attractive. I am 50 years' old.

Maybe because we are all different, it is something that happens to some people and not to others. Please do not think I am blaming the victim here! It really is just not something I recognise, and as well as knowing a lot of people around my own age, I know a lot far older, who really are noticed, in a good way, for their personalities and looks. Although I don't think in a general way, as objects of male sexual focus.

Or perhaps it depends where you live: how hurried and professional and youth focussed the area is?

friendly there is not point talking about not being allowed to disagree. The point of the thread was for me to get ideas about how I could become more visible.
You enjoy being less visible then that's good, but you still are less visible aren't you? You still feel attractive and confident even though you are less visible, that's good.
However, I am also less visible and feel differently about it.

I think youth attracts attention. That's the simple bottom line. It's kind of hard wired in. (If you're young AND beautiful - even more attention).

Once a person ages you have to start factoring in appearance and attitude and put it within the context of how much attention they used to get too. No one will be having the exact same experience of aging as the next person and we must accept other peoples experiences as real.

Personally don't think i'm treated any differently in shops. When it comes to male attention however that's dropped off a lot since i got to my late 30s. (And before that when ever i was pregnant )

Interesting about how you hold yourself when out and about. I find if i'm feeling really good about myself these days then people (men and women) do still make eye contact and initiate chat. If i go out with the hump and feeling 100 years old then i think i give off very strong 'bugger off' vibes. And they work. That plus my age = invisible. That's my personal experience.

I am not invisible though. Or any less visible to shop assistants and the public generally. Just not to work men on building sites. I still get picked up by older blokes.

I get stopped and told I look nice. I get served in shops. I dress well, I hold myself well and I am still attractive.

More important I think is that I smile and am friendly and jokey.

good for you friendly that doesn't help me though.

I notice this, and I'm single which makes it horrendous. Not desperate for attention or a relationship but I'm a warm friendly people person and it sometimes makes me sad that even if I connect with somebody, feel attracted to them, they just don't view me in that way. Have had too many men recently just wanting to be friends. And they do want to be friends.

I get it. It's a subtle thing and some people here seem to be missing the point. Maybe it doesn't happen to everyone but I've definitely felt it. Its not about being loud or asking for service. It's being seen as just another middle aged woman who blends into a sea of middle aged women.

If I am truthful, I don't notice the vast majority of people unless I am speaking directly to an individual, and then only for as long as the interaction lasts. Young, old, male, female, black, white, straight, gay makes no difference; I am more likely to recall someone if I think they were noticeably well-presented in some way. I often notice the clothes rather than the wearer, which probably makes me shallow but seems reasonable in S&B.

This has been a really interesting convocation for me. I started it in s&B because I was looking for ways to up my game in the hope of not becoming beige an invisible.
As is often the way of threads I haven't got an tips but have had some interesting discussions.
Perhaps this was a thread for general chat rather than just s&b.

Do what my grandma always done.wear red lipstick and bright clothes. Haha people always told her she looks hot

I agree with NorthernLass, it's a subtle thing. Matters a jot whether I'm well dressed, well poised, well anything, I melt into that invisible 'middle age bunch'. There is no question but that it exists. I say this as someone who does not have difficulty beings served in shops or anywhere. And I think I dress ok, look contemporary etc. (I also like to think I look young but hey, we all like to think that, more than likely I look my age)

To me it feels like a 'they don't matter' thing. That is it. 'They don't matter'.
When you think about it, it's very much the opposite. A lot of us run homes, are in the middle of rearing kids, take care of ageing parents, hold down important jobs etc.

I think if you feel it doesn't exist for you, then lucky you. There is no question but that it exists.

I had a hair cut in the week and that's helped me. It might sound shallow but when I look in the mirror now at least I don't think" christ what's that awful, crazy shapeless and deeply unflattering mess on my head' anymore. My older kids often face time me and I am usually horrified by the face that looks back at me. Today I was pleasantly surprised that I looked ok.
I believe a big part of not disappearing is making an effort, not necessarily a huge one, but believing that you look ok really helps .
I was looking at ted talks today. I could spend hours watching them, they are so inspiring. there was one on power poses, it was very interesting and I shall try standing like super woman for a minute a day and see what happens. Maybe I will find myself wearing a tight blue and red leotard and possessing boobs I have never had

Think we might need a link to the TED power poses please?

I honestly feel like I'm overlooked sometimes for skin care products, especially nice, expensive ones.

I think they think I'm too young (or poor hahhaah) to be able to afford them, and instead chat to older (and perhaps likely to have money to spend) women instead.

Clothes shops etc I don't feel invisible yet, I'm 35 but people say I look younger. Obviously makes a huge difference what I'm wearing.

I went shopping with Dd who is 18 months old when I was in the U.K. last month. I was totally invisible in coast. It was hilarious because the sales assistants were fawning over my sister. When it came to pay up I got one dress. My dad came in as I was buying it and asked why I had only bought one dress. I told him infront of the staff that I hadn't had much of any assistance but that I was buying him a drink while I stopped into another couple of shops and the VAT place to get my refund.

I think the sales assistants assumed I wasn't a working parent and so not likely to buy much. I wasn't wearing make up and was in mummy mode as I was with DD2. I asked for help twice and the sales assistant just did the bare minimum. She also kept bringing me mummy dresses. I told her I needed tailored dresses for work as I'm presenting to the board of my employer.

It was very eye opening. I've never had the experience before in that shop. I did notice the sales assistants were younger than the usual ladies who are a little bit older (and fantastic at helping me!).