I have gone grey (stopped dyeing). Not everyone likes it, am I too young?

[TimTamTerrier]

I'm 49 and I've been dyeing my hair for a long time as I started going grey in my early 30s. I'm sick of it, so I stopped having it dyed about 10 months ago and I've just had the last of the colour cut out (it was very faded anyway as it was semi-permanent). A few people have said that they much preferred it coloured and that I'm too young to go grey. It did suit my colouring better when it was brown, and my hair is a bit fine and the dye thickened it up a bit, but I don't think I'm too young to be grey, am I?

I have spent the last year letting my grey through.

I was fed up of spending £150 a month on cut and colour. I could see a lot of white coming through, and thought at 50 I wanted to see what my natural colour was after 30 years of colour. Naturally I was dark brown, but with so much white my coloured hair was blonde.

My hairdresser was very supportive. She put ash grey highlights in for six months, then for the last 5 months has put no colour in. We have also cut it into a graduated bob. It is almost white around my face, and gets darker at the back. I wear a lot of black, grey and navy.

Seeing people who have not seen me for a while, they always ask what I have done to my hair and tell me how well it suits me and that they really like it.

I was working with a youth group a few weeks ago. One of the 21 year olds had dyed her hair a lilac colour. She said that she had been trying for my colour. I explained that mine was natural.

I do get offered seats on the tube more, but I am 50 and happy to get a seat. I don't care if it makes me look my age.

When I finally got rid of the last of my dark brown dye job and saw what was underneath was a revelation. Not more three-weekly expensive salon visits, or home-jobs with the dye all over the bathroom sink. I am quite a bit older than the OP, but going natural (white, but I prefer to call it Arctic Platinum!) has seriously taken years off me. I can now wear a lot of colours that I couldn't wear before and I'm free! Free at last!!! First pic was taken last year when I was 61, second pic this year at 62.

Reg I think your hair looks amazing and I would have thought you were in your early 50's.

I'm 51 & stopped dyeing at 49 - so much faff & it only looked as I wanted for one or two weeks out of six.

Very silvery-grey at the front, salt & pepper further back & mostly the original nearly black at the back. I like it & have had a lot of favourable comments, from friends & strangers alike!

Reg that looks amazing and you don't look your age, you look younger. You seem to be proof that grey hair isn't aging! (And this is from someone who dyes their grey!)

I stopped dyeing my hair 10 years before you OP and I love it. I was naturally mousy and am probably only 10% grey but oh my god, the feeling of liberation (from the time and money) is amazing!

I consider it my own tiny act of rebellion and I'm the least rebellious person ever.

I get tons of compliments on my "highlights". My hair is about 10 different colours and I think it suits my skin tone a lot better than the box dye I used to use (which always turned brassy). If you can afford salon highlights etc then great, but I didn't want to spend the time and money at the salon so box dye it was, but actually the chemicals worried me and it was a real faff.

DH loves my hair and this probably helps. I love his silver speckles and we are the same age.

At a meeting recently I looked around the room and there was not a single other undyed woman in there. I don't think I look worse for not dyeing my hair. And if I look my age or older, then so be it. I don't give a shit!

I regularly get asked what I've used on my hair, as people seem to think I've dyed it this colour. They are amazed when I say 'it's natural'! At Hallowe'en I tried on a dark brown wig and my face immediately looked years older, almost witch like (which may have been ideal, given the date). I have no regrets and no plans to ever colour it again. I remember those miserable days when the white roots would show through against the dark brown and knowing I'd have to go through all that palaver again. One other bonus, for some reason I no longer need to use conditioner.

I think grey hair can be very ageing. But so can dark hair, as we age we lose pigment in our skin as well as our hair, so unnaturally dark hair can be incredibly harsh and ageing. If your hair is blonder then go more with that, blonde hair disguises the grey well, as greys just look ash blonde.

Reg, you look great!

The "it's ageing" thing is interesting, as it's so frequently said about women and not men. Like women should try really hard to look younger than we are. And there is no social pressure for men lucky enough to have hair as they get older to dye it.

I know there is far far more social/cultural pressure on women to spend time and money on our looks in general, and this is just part of that, but hair dye is a biggie for me, relative to things like shaving and make up, because of the significant time, high cost and health risks.

I stopped salon-dying my hair at the age of 49 and never looked back. I got sick of spending all the money, only to have grey roots in three weeks anyway. And I developed an intolerance to commercial hair dyes.

I did get the 'it's so aging' comments and the backhanded, patronising, 'Ooh, I wish I were so brave to let myself go before the age of sixty,' or 'I'm not brave enough to go grey yet, ha ha ha!'

I got a lot more resistance and sarcasm from women than men, tbh. I don't think men actually care but some women of my acquaintance saw it as an affront.

I did have people ask me innocently if I was retired.

Then I had a significant professional engagement that involved lots of public speaking and I, alas, caved to social pressure by using a henna/indigo dye that I could do myself very economically. The compliments I got, ironically from older women who themselves had grey hair!, were very telling and sadly ironic. 'You look so much younger and better this way. It's very attractive.'

Make of that what you will. I admire those women who don't cave to social pressure. But I will never return to salon dying, whatever happens!

OP, you make the rules for yourself. I will always respect other women's choices!

I now have noticeable white hairs among my natural dark brown, which I occasionally cover with a semi-permanent dye as I don't want to have to worry about roots. I always hate the first couple of weeks when it looks too dark and cow-pat like, even though I always buy a lighter colour than my natural one. After that, it looks good and natural for about a month before the silver becomes very visible again.
However, a lot of the time I just leave it au naturel as I can't be bothered to faff around with dye, plus I have a real concern about potential allergic reactions, as I have a few allergies. I am planning to go grey gracefully
A previous poster commented that grey hair only suits green or blue eyes. Mine are dark brown. Do any of you silver/grey ladies have dark eyes, and if so do you find your hair makes you look washed out?

I'm 43 and have a short, sharp bob and grey hair which I wash with the L'Oréal Professional Silver shampoo (bright purple!). I was highlighting my hair blonde to cover mousy brown with increasing amounts of white hair. I kid you not when I say people now stop me on the street to ask how I achieve the colour and everyone compliments me on the colour. A colleague took a snap of my hair and asked her salon to copy it! I am astonished by how much positive attention it receives and I say 'go for it' - wouldn't go back to blonde if you paid me!

Natural white hair this summer.

Reg you look great - although I'd say that regardless of your hair colour . What I can't help noticing is that you still dye your eyebrows and wear quite a lot of makeup - which I think is interesting, given the context of this thread which seems to be about not accepting the social norms (I'm not criticising, honestly!). I think it goes to show that we all have our preferences in terms of what we do to our hair/skin and what we think suits us, and there isn't one 'right' or 'wrong'

For me, this isn't about giving up on clothes or make up or generally having fun with my appearance.

What I'm trying to do is find a way of enjoying all of that while still resisting this absurd pressure to look younger, especially when I'm way closer to old age than I am to my youth.

I do accept that going grey is easy for me as I like my hair this way (although it's not as good as yours, Reg).

SirChenjin - my eyebrows are pencilled in, but yes, I still wear make-up (not sure if it's "quite a lot" as you say, merely lipstick and mascara!). The non-dyeing of my hair was never a political statement, I just could not be arsed with the whole palaver. The fact that it now suits my older face much better than the dark hair is a bonus.

I personally think it's aging on both sexes, but I do like the look of white hair on people. So for me- aging?yes.. does it look good? yes!

I think that some associate going grey with not caring about your appearance 'letting yourself go' forgoing all grooming etc

My hair is grey but I also wear make up, workout, take care to wear clothes which I think are flattering and pay a great deal of attention to the cut, condition and style of my hair.

Of course it's totally fine to not put energy and time into appearance or grooming, whatever floats your boat.

IMO grey hair can look just as glamorous or not as any other colour

Oh to be naturally platinum blonde
you're so lucky Reg😊

I wear some make-up every day now I'm older, as I think I look better with some than none - interestingly now I'm grey I need less to look okay than when I was dyeing.

Just blusher & lipstick, sometimes plus mascara for daytime. My eyebrows are not greying at all yet, but do look a bit moth-eaten at times

And eyeliner? If not, then you're very lucky to have such long dark eyelashes

Honestly, I'm not questionning you or your choice to go grey - I just find it interesting that the consensus on this thread seems to be that those of us who choose to dye our hair (in my case, because I prefer the blond to the mousey grey that I see at my roots - it's a warmer colour against my skin tone and not such a shock in comparison to my dark eyes) are somehow rebelling against the ageing process and conforming to societal norms, when makeup and eyebrow/eyelash dye (also guilty on all fronts) is seen as an acceptable reaction to ageing.

Not sure if I'm explaining myself very well here - but I know what I mean! I think..

Possibly in some peoples minds there iis a hierarchy of interventions
Make up
Hair dye
Botox and fillers
Cosmetic surgery

And they draw a line according to their own personal feelings and preferences?

Yep, I think that's what it is Shining.

Someone made the point upthread about it being acceptable for men to go grey, whereas women are expected to reject ageing. If we were to flip that, men who do dye their hair or who wear makeup are often ridiculed (one of my work colleagues recently 'confessed' to dyeing his hair and asked me not to laugh) - it seems we still do have our own prejudices about what is and isn't acceptable when it comes to the ageing process and how others deal with what they see happening to their face and hair.

If I AM rebelling against societal norms, then it's just an added bonus. As I said, it was not a political statement, just an outward expression of my laziness and general fed-up-ness with having to cope with white roots every 3 weeks. I suppose I may be considered brave by some in going natural, but I don't really care what they think. Age has its privileges! :)

Sirchechin I agree that going grey is seen as acceptable for men in a way that it isn't for women
But IMO there is still pressure on men to look youthful and attractive, or at least there are costs/penalties for men if they forgo grooming
Convention does dictate that things are more elaborate costly and time consuming for women though!