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Original poster

I have gone grey (stopped dyeing). Not everyone likes it, am I too young?

182 replies

TimTamTerrier · 08/12/2016 12:15

I'm 49 and I've been dyeing my hair for a long time as I started going grey in my early 30s. I'm sick of it, so I stopped having it dyed about 10 months ago and I've just had the last of the colour cut out (it was very faded anyway as it was semi-permanent). A few people have said that they much preferred it coloured and that I'm too young to go grey. It did suit my colouring better when it was brown, and my hair is a bit fine and the dye thickened it up a bit, but I don't think I'm too young to be grey, am I?

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StillMedusa · 11/12/2016 18:55

I'm 49 next month. Stopped dying mine (mid brown) 16 months ago, as I had my hair cut short, hated it and thought 'oh fuck it while I'm short I'll go grey' Grin
Now it's nearly shoulder length and white edged at the parting and salt and pepper the rest.. quite streaky. I can't say I love it ..I wish it were greyer, BUT I am not going back.

I am going to cut it to a messy bob after xmas to get rid of the rest of the old colour and then just let nature take me whiter. Aging? Maybe, but what swung my decision was looking across at the sea of highlighted or coloured heads at my school staff meetings and realising that non of the women actually REALLY looked any younger.

I found I was having it coloured, first week a bit too dark, weeks 2-3 ok, week 4 roots again. I am glad to be off that treadmill!

I don't wear makeup and yes I look 49... but I don't think a hair dye is going to magically change that. Oddly enough it has been other women who have been critical... my dh doesn't mind at all (he's bald with a grey beard!) which I find interesting.

Long live the grey :D

dottygamekeeper · 11/12/2016 23:27

I am 52 and stopped dyeing my hair a couple of years ago - initially I had it cut into a pixie, then in to a graduated bob, but have now grown it to shoulder length. It is silvery gray all over. My husband says he thinks it looks stunning, even my mum says she thinks it makes me look younger.

On a bad day, I feel it makes me look old, but on a good day, I love it - I do find I need to wear a little bit of makeup to emphasise my eyes, but I like feeling rebellious about it, rather than toeing the expected line of keeping on colouring my hair.

Lorelei76 · 12/12/2016 14:22

OP "Why do I need to look young, or as young as it's possible for me to look?"

exactly. i've bored people before with this because Mum is elderly, too poorly to get to HD and I'm now dyeing her hair for her because she cannot bear to be grey.

I am 40 and won't be dyeing because I don't want to end up like her, feeling it's a huge shock to be grey at 78. Rather do it gradually. You did nearly 20 years of dyeing when you didn't really fancy it? Def drop it.

ShelaghTurner · 12/12/2016 14:26

I'm the opposite and have a mix of dark blonde and grey hair, all natural. Haven't dyed it for years. Last month I had enough. I'm 45 and was sick of the grey so have dyed it and the difference is amazing. Everyone has commented and I feel much better. My mother has recently gone totally grey at 70 and she still isn't sure it's right for her.

SofiaAmes · 12/12/2016 14:44

I started going grey at 22 and now at 53 am almost totally grey. Other than my pink hair phase at university and a few years in my early 30's, I have never dyed my hair. I get compliments on it almost every day. As someone said in an earlier post, it's seen as the sign of a strong, bold woman and the conversation about age doesn't really come up. Maybe it's also because I live in Los Angeles, plastic surgery capital of the world, so it's sort of absurd to try to compete in the "looking younger" game just by dying your hair, when you are surrounded by 70 year olds in spandex and faces stretched paper thin.

I do find that I feel better about my grey hair (and myself in general) when I am taking care of myself and taking care of my hair. For example, I suffer from Jew-fro, so if I don't blow dry my hair after washing, it really looks awful. But it would probably look awful if it wasn't grey.

My advice is to experiment until you find a hairstyle that you are comfortable with and don't forget to calculate all the money you are saving from not doing the dying and use that to treat yourself.

SirChenjin · 12/12/2016 14:53

In my opinion (and it's only an opinion) I think it looks draining on many people - unless they are fortunate to have hair that isn't dry (often the result of the menopause), a warm, all over grey instead of mousey and white, good skin tone that doesn't look even paler with no colour around it, and eye colour that isn't too dark in contrast to pale skin and pale hair which drains their colour even more. I'm also not keen on the 'grey in short edgy style' unless you've got a similar face shape to Judi Dench.

I look much better with a cool multi tone blonde as it 'lifts' my colour, so I'm going with that until I die. If you like the grey, go for it - I can't say I think it's particularly rebellious, it's just another colour that some people suit and others don't.

woodhill · 12/12/2016 15:08

I'd love to go and live on a desert island and grow it out, I'm 49 and have been dying my hair since my 20s, my fringe seemed to go grey when I had my 3 dc quite close together.

In the past 2 years' the grey has got so resistant round my ears but I don't think it is too bad at the back.

I dip into the going grey gracefully on Fb and the women look great.

Ohyesiam · 12/12/2016 16:01

As most people go grey in their 30 s, no you are not too young.

Also some people won't like it, but then you can't p hear all of the people all of the time.
It's your hair, and people really need to keep their opinions to themselves. Is your hair really there to please them?

Lorelei76 · 12/12/2016 16:07

it's interesting because the people who comment on grey hair probably - I guess? - wouldn't say to you "I don't like that dress on you".

or maybe they would? I have a baby face so I get of - "Gasp! You have grey hair"! from rude people who don't know my age. Had it from neighbours, work colleagues. Just a few at the moment but I have black hair.

I just say "well I am a middle aged woman" and give them a look of faint disgust.

SirChenjin · 12/12/2016 16:15

This is MN where views are anonymous - around 90% of what gets said on here wouldn't be said in RL!

CateGory8 · 12/12/2016 17:29

When I was in my mid 20's I already had a significant amount of grey hair. Think bold streaks running the length of my hair, it was relatively long at the time. I had some random woman tap me on the shoulder, whilst I was standing in a queue, to tell me that I shouldn't have grey hair at my age. I wish I had thought of a witty reply to her but I just smiled and turned away.

What saddens me most about that situation is that I listened to her, I dyed my hair that week. Prior to that I was very happy with my unusual hair and annoyed with myself for listening to her. I now wear my grey with pride, albeit 20 years too late.

Lorelei76 · 12/12/2016 17:42

Sir, but people do comment on grey hair IRL I find. Sorry if I misunderstood you. Grey hair seems to be fair game for commenting IRL.

Cate - telling a stranger is even worse!! I mean, not that there's any levels of acceptable but again, I doubt the same woman would approach someone and comment on anything else.

SirChenjin · 12/12/2016 17:59

Apologies Lorelei - I misunderstood you, I thought you were talking about people on here Smile

Of course no-one should comment on your appearance in a derogatory way - that goes without saying. I think it shows how unusual grey hair has become amongst women. For some people that's a good thing (not everyone suits it, just as not everyone suits auburn hair for example, so while we have the wonders of colour in a box or at a salon, then go for it if a colour looks better on you) and for some that's not good obviously.

CateGory8 · 12/12/2016 17:59

Lorelei I absolutely agree. My grey hair always seems to get unsolicited opinions. People who know me in passing will ask me if I've dyed it grey??? I admit that sometimes I leave my purple shampoo in a little longer than necessary, this will leave me with a lovely dark grey/violet tonal result.

I wear makeup AND I've been really blessed with my lack of wrinkles. My skin is actually really good even if I say so myself. Maybe I just look friendly and approachable so people feel that they can 'share' their opinions with me.

woodhill · 12/12/2016 18:10

Yes it's not like someone would comment on someone's dark helmet hair or bleached blonde colour so why remark on someone's natural colour.

SirChenjin · 12/12/2016 18:14

Helmet hair or bleached blonde are quite derogatory descriptions too, to be fair - it's possible to have dark hair without it looking like a helmet, or blonde hair that isn't bleached. I know this is MN and you can express opinions on here that you wouldn't say in RL, but grey is just a colour like any others - some people suit it or feel comfortable with it, others don't. There's no right or wrong (and that works both ways) surely?

NotYoda · 12/12/2016 18:19

I agree with that SirChenjin. Grey is just a colour and it doesn't suit some people. I choose to dye mine but the faff and expense is a pain

Lorelei76 · 12/12/2016 18:24

with posters saying about grey is a colour, I guess you are thinking of people with all grey hair?

I don't even notice whether it suits people. I just think people go grey. I do wish people would notice appearance stuff less.

Lorelei76 · 12/12/2016 18:25

off to google helmet hair now....!

Lorelei76 · 12/12/2016 18:26

OMD don't google that expression at work!!! Shock Blush

woodhill · 12/12/2016 18:42

True but I'm sure you got the jist of what I meant. Sometimes this can be more ageing if the person has dark dyed hair and it mo longer goes with their complexion.

SirChenjin · 12/12/2016 18:49

Sometimes this can be more ageing if the person has dark dyed hair and it mo longer goes with their complexion - I think hair colour can stop suiting someone, but I'm not sure that means it's more ageing just as I wouldn't necessarily say that the solution is to go grey. It all comes back to what they suit and what they feel comfortable with - there are any number of colours to choose from, and none are right or wrong.

Lorelei - yes, I'm thinking of all over grey as another colour but of course that can be many tones and shades. I'm not thinking of 'your natural colour with grey hair coming through' - one colour (or tones of that colour) looks better imo.

NotYoda · 12/12/2016 19:27

woodhill

Yes. My nan had very dark, almost black hair (like mine was, naturally). It looked terrible when she continued to dye it that colour. Really flat and harsh/ Her complexion had changed. I'm dying a much lighter colour.

woodhill · 12/12/2016 19:30

Yes it can look a bit like Morticia (Adams family).

Bejazzled · 12/12/2016 19:32

Its a personal choice. I don't like the draining effect on my skin and when it's grey the texture is much coarser and difficult to manage. So yes, it makes me look worse for my age but that doesn't mean it's the same for everyone.