Crepeys who try not to look like creepy clowns....

[BeachysSandyFlipFlops]

Would that be OK?

Must try to avoid a thread switch on a Friday night

Oxfam won't know what's hit it.

Auriga - your memories are so beautiful but sad. Your grief management idea with the puppy is brilliant.

Aww thanks Addle

So bitter-sweet reading about bereavement/memories.

Must look at the Oxfam website!

Auriga thank you for the link. He is a puppy in a dog sized body. And I have warned ds he has to keep special things away from Flash until he learns.

Evening all....I've had a speed-read but can't hope to catch up with all the news. You are all so busy.

BTM - I've been thinking of you and DS; good to hear that they are on the case, and he's not finding hospital too awful.

DD1 knows all about Beachy Head and Birling Gap, having just been there on a Geography field trip. Two boys were suspended after climbing over a barrier to lie on the cliff-edge (having just learnt about the extensive and unpredictable coastal erosion - candidates for the Darwin Awards, possibly?)

Big hugs to those of you being assailed by waves of sadness. Cuddle those puppies.

I'm struggling to type right now, because I have hiccups. And the beginnings of yet another cold (DD1 has been streaming the last couple of days). Work is fairly calm, but I'm not feeling the love right now. I have caught wind of a seating reorganisation, which may well put me very near the most irritating man in the office. He's the sort of person you work "around" rather than "with", and I'm not sure if I'll be able to contain myself if we're not at least two rooms apart.

DH and I did have the most excellent day in Portsmouth on Monday. The Mary Rose museum (which reopened in July) is fascinating; not just the ship itself (which has now fully dried out) but also the wealth of bits and bobs they found with it, skeletons, personal objects and so on. It's a rare treat to go round a museum at a leisurely pace without the DCs, who would have gone through it like a dose of salts. DDad and DSM are always great company on a day out - they strike up interesting conversations with museum staff, and require regular pitstops for sticky buns, coffee, wine and so on, which I'm more than happy to go along with. We had a brief spin around the Gunwharf Quays shops (between pitstops) and I treated myself to some new mugs (Le Creuset rainbow coloured ones) - a bit like new bed sheets it's a simple pleasure!

DH is mucho stressed at the moment work-wise - lots of politics, proving oneself, jockeying for position, uncertainty etc, which goes hand in hand with a company reorganisation. He doesn't sleep well when stressed, and gets stressed when he's tired....not a good combo. I'm keeping a close eye.

Just caught up after a few days missing in action!!

I think all of us crepeys have such amazing lives overall.

BTM - hope things go well for you and DS.

This is a funny time of age isn't it? You just find yourself and then end up having to sort out ageing parents - I was brought up to believe that my parents knew best and although I rapidly grew out of that in my early 20s I'm now faced with the prospect of having to deal with a DM who never has!

I was brought up to be fiercely independent (and I am) and I am struggling with my bedside manner with DM, who seems to want to be told what to do - I simply cannot get my head round it.

My DF died 15 years ago next week and recently i have really missed his calm logic - now that I'm living in such close proximity with DM, I'm missing him a bit a lot more!! Although, I realise he may have been part of the problem.

In S&B news - I've gone off the idea of 7/8 trousers for winter (whoever that was ... good point, well made!!). I have however, found a fantastic tailor who can alter a couple of much loved suits for me

Sounds like a fab day out CV - nice mix of generations and history/shopping/tea/wine - though sorry about DH. That stress/insomnia/stress cycle is a bugger.

Cocoa - wonder if Just's tailor is any closer and more convenient for you than mine?

BTM - on standby tomorrow if can be around in any way and thinking of you

Justme, I had huge struggles with the same problem with DM. I wanted to be scrupulous about preserving her independence and autonomy; she wanted me to look after her and tell her what to do. She even said to me 'you're my Mummy now'. She liked it when I made decisions for her but it made me feel guilty In the end I accepted that I had to take charge & although she was still difficult about it, she was relieved & even grateful.

Thanks addle!
Just chickens - I'm looking for a tailor who can copy stuff. Are you able to PM me the details??

This thread makes me cry and smile in equal measure.

Have yet to re visit the Oxfam website, but fully expect it to be devoid of any naice jumpers and winter coats in jolly colours. Just a few pairs of beige polyester slacks knocking about and empty shelves...

Hospital have said 'no' to DF returning home. His care needs are just too complicated. At least we can now formulate a plan. It's not the plan we wanted, but it's something we can focus on.

I'm back on Dad-duty tomorrow, while DM goes to see GP. I'm hoping she might open up to GP who'll then help her specifically. Anyone had any joy in emailing their DPs GPs? I feel like I need to flag up that DM is doing her swan impression. Looking all together and in control, but underneath panicking and paddling like mad.

At least she won't have several months of carding ahead of her. She's not in a fit state to start all that.

No problem emailing GP, they can accept the information although they can't disclose anything or actively consult you without her permission. It will be a lot more helpful all round if you can tell her that you're e-mailing and what you're saying, so that the GP can have a properly frank discussion with her and she can't easily minimise the difficulties.

My DM was a champion minimiser, even when I was actually in the room with her. I finally learned the real meaning of 'my jaw hit the floor'

Auriga - thank-you, I feel re-assured that it's not just me being difficult!

cocoa - I'll find out if they can copy stuff. More than happy to pass on details but would you mind if i waited until I've had a couple of things altered and I'm sure I'm happy with their work? They're Midlands-ish based.

I think I've got that Friday feeling - Crunchie anyone!!

Cocoa, I can recommend an excellent and very cheap tailor. Only drawback is they are in Vietnam

I should flag up to anyone with tailoring requests that I am off to India and happy to take orders within reason...

Re GPs: I got written authorisation from my mum to talk to hers and then they were brutally frank, which was in its way a huge relief.

And Cocoa, get your DM to sign a letter saying she is happy for you to talk to the GP about her? Then they will include you in everything. But failing that, ring/email - my DM's GP surgery was very supportive when it all went tits-up for DM. Sorry you dad has to go into Nursing(?) care, but I am sure you will find somewhere you are happy with - my DM is in a lovely home which thankfully leaves me time to focus on DS!

Ahh, thanks all about emailing DMs GP. There is just a rather anonymous contact form on the surgery website. Seems a bit of a public place to start spurting on about my DM, but I'll ring and ask.
DM was going to ring and cancel appointment, but have made her go.

I'm in the South East (Home Counties), so maybe a tailor in the Midlands is too far, Justme. Sorry to launch myself onto you!
BTM - maybe I should just go to Vietnam myself. You know, 10 days waiting and sunning myself and I could have a whole new wardrobe!

Went to Pilates for the first time in 3 weeks yesterday. About 10 mins into the class, I realised that I hadn't actually breathed properly in all that time. Felt stretched out and rather headachy afterwards but a good feeling! Must remember to take more big breaths.

Sounds like we should all do that on this thread.

Shimmies off smiling, breathing and doing her own swan impression...

Cocoa has it right. We all start the swan lark in our 40's - don't want to worry the DCs, do we?

I know I am guilty of it - DH told DS that I had this vertigo & when I spoke to him I know I minimised it - because what can he do?

God: I've just realised from FB that someone I've known since university was a preschooler at home with his great aunt the day the local tip collapsed on the primary school 50 years ago today in Aberfan.

I was 11 & remember it well - the shock & grief, even from those with no connection, was huge.

Perhaps bizarrely, it has upset me quite disproportionately. I'm not usually one for crying over the news.

I just didn't know, when we met when he was a fairly obnoxious 20year old and I was a differently obnoxious 19 year old, that he had grown up in a place so...destroyed.

It's only this anniversary that it's really hit me how utterly tragic Aberfan was. No doubt it's partly the 'as a mother' factor. There was a great documentary the other night about the terrible complacency and incompetence that led to the tip being sited in such a dangerous place to start with, and how no-one would take responsibility. Hard to imagine those green hills being piled up with waste coal these days. What were we thinking.

In those days you didn't speak about things like that. A man was interviewed on the news this morning who was 18 at the time and helped to dig out. He said he just got on with it and his life. No counselling in those days.

Back at hosp. Nurse is struggling with the ecg machine!

BTM - thinking if you

I watched the Aberfan doc as well. Unspeakably sad - I think health and safety just didnt seem to be an issue in those days.

Voice coming back slowly and am feeling much better.

Has anybody seen/heard from NU recently?

I was wondering about NU too... She's not on an exotic holiday is she?

I've emailed her.