Crepe And Stormy

[Cremo]

Over here Crepemunks!
Hope no one else has started one

I have told DD1 (who is 17) to book her own optician's and dentist appointments. She can do the optician online, she doesn't even have to phone. Or she can call in to both to arrange. She has done neither. Why are they so hopeless today? When I was 4 years older than her, I was working, and living on my own in Poland, nowhere near my family.

Because they have capable, biddable and talented mother's to do it for them, mrs S
Lalsy, Hatty , I am so with you.
X

Rogue apostrophe apologies
Herbs, please let us know how it goes , with the boundaries .

My personal theory is that they are afraid/ashamed to ask for help. So they pretend they know how to do stuff, and just swerve. Ignore it. I have had to work really hard at getting mine to understand that they weren't born knowing how to fill in a form and other shit, but it's perfectly acceptable, indeed highly commendable, to ask for help with it the first time, and quite possibly the second and third as well. But don't expect some other mug to do it for ya.

I'm also a teeny bit concerned that my DCs will still have me running around for them for years to come. We had a little chat about it recently, but they still firmly believe it's my "job" to cook, clean and generally service every whim, as I am their mother, and that's what mothers do. I was most impressed that my twin DNieces (who are not yet 15) booked, and took themselves to, dental checkups last week. DS won't even approach the reception unless I'm standing next to him. I'm not sure I want to be sorting out their house insurance when they're 29, though...(you're a saint, DQ).

DH and I are having a lovely evening closeted in the kitchen with prosecco, listening to all sorts of fab retro music on Spotify. And singing along loudly. Highlights include Rhinestone Cowboy (Glenn Campbell), Music to Watch Girls By (Andy Williams) and a fine version of All I Have To Do is Dream (Everley Brothers), complete with harmonies.

On to "Oh Happy Day" now.

"Islands in the Stream" (sing it, Dolly!)

That sounds lovely, CV! one of my very best things is the occasional evening like that with DH

My big news is that today I finally said goodbye to DDad's mobility scooter that had been sitting in our tiny front patch for 9 months and worrying me for a good few months before that. Every time I came in or out of the house it reminded me of sadnesses and things still to be sorted and grieved over. It was getting more and more difficult, and I cannot tell how you what relief it is that it has gone.

Re adult children, DH remarked with some asperity that he was aghast I was still saying good girl to DD but I'm with lalsy - a bit of encouragement/help can go a long way. on the other hand, i'm also with herbs and intend to work on my boundaries. now that the scooter has gone and i feel ever so slightly less deranged

Just self-wetted at BTM's massage thread. DP remained unamused, and glued to Die Hard 19, or whatever the hell it is. With the saving grace of Ulun Rickman.

Molly, that is exactly my line - do ask for help - that is the adult thing to do. I ask for, and give, help with Stuff. But ask for it at a time convenient to the helper and be nice to them. In fairness to dd, the emotional/separation thing apart, she now applies for jobs and gets them, sorts out complicated contracts (no G4S or zero hours contracts in our day) etc etc. Hatty, yes, the summer job thing adds extra stress/faff at just the wrong time.

Herbs, that is really interesting - keep us posted. I think I have some looming issues with my dm on the boundary front too.

Addle, very pleased for you.

I am up. The electrician is here And the news is not good

Addle, glad you have managed to get rid of the mobility scooter - a visual reminder like that is not what you need.

CV, who knew that you and your DH could do harmonies? Maybe you could start up the Family vonVersial choir?

Herbs on the assertiveness front.

Oh no BTM!

Herbs, I am sorry, I missed the bit about your MiL. Sounds very bittersweet.

My mum is getting worse. I am wondering guiltily if I should go and stay there. I don't want to go and stay there. DSis also wondering if she should go and stay there.

And DP is telling me when he's going to be away but hasn't (yet) gone and PUT THESE DATES ON THE CALENDAR. I can't remember them if he doesn't do that.

OH no MI Once your DP has sorted his dates, could you dovetail with your sister taking turns to stay (but maybe not all the time)? Remember, it has to be doable for you and your own family as well as supporting your parents.
Or is it time for them to have carers/move to hospice or whatever the next stage is?

And Herbs

Oh MI that sounds tough :(

Brother and family went to see mum yesterday - she was vile (again) to Ddad and told him not to bother coming today. As other brother is going in he is going to take heat her word.

He knows that most of the time she doesn't mean it, but it doesn't stop it hurting.

Oh BD, that is tough on your DF. But it is good that he is having a break today - it must be very hard for him.

for all who are coping with parents. It is so difficult to know exactly what to do or how involved to become.

I've withdrawn a lot from getting involved in day to day stuff with DS & wife & only interfere do so when it's important things like the house insurance. they manage most household things like council tax, gas & electric etc themselves now. Even though it's taken quite a few yeears for this to happen. when they lived closer & I saw them every week, they used to hand me a pile of paperwork with puppy dog eyes & say "Mum, what should we do with these?" So there is light at the end of the tunnel. I lived on my own with no help from 17 so might have slightly overcompensated & made my own rod.

Addle getting rid of the scooter must be a good feeling & won't bring on the sadness everytime that you see it.

BTM hope the electric news isn't all bad.

MI how far away from you is DM. Sorry if you've said before, I can't remember.

Quiet day for me today. I drove last night & am happy to have a clear head for a change on a Sunday morning. I'm doing a quick trip to Aldi & then coming home to settle down to watch the cycling followed by the football. I will have the remote control & no one will be abe to wrestle it away from me. Mught have a cheeky gin as well.

Oh BD.

My parents are in Norwich and I'm in London so it's doable (they spring for the train ticket) if not easy - takes about three hours door to door (same with driving). The carers come in twice a day and I think they should increase this; she's not yet at hospice stage I think (though in all honesty that would take a weight off my mind!). I will in all honesty go MAD if I have to stay there but I can go down for the day (I mean who needs to work anyway?) during the week - given she tends to have visitors anyway during the weekend - and catch up work on the Sat.

A lot of this revolves round food. She gets other people to help with/produce food because between them they have facilitated my father's complete effing incompetence with cooking, versus her fantastic cooking (combined with refusal to eat or to weigh more than 7 stone max. She once went up to 7 and a half). He can't/won't do more than microwave a ready meal. People make excuses for them and it drives me bonkers as in any normal household SURELY he would have taken over food production by now? And there would not be this neurotic insistence on complicated South Indian food still? Fortunately someone has been sourced who is actually cooking said food now (and he is terrific, if - unlike my mum and sister - one actually eats his food) but it still has to be heated up and dad won't do it.

Sounds good DQ. Although I imagine I will have to wrestle the remote from Dh to avoid a Grand Prix of some description.

Am worried about dsis, who is having a melt down to end all melt downs and I do not know what to do to help her.

Herbs , I was also forced to watch Die Hard last night. Didn't Alan Rickman look hot !

At airport. Disney like queues to check in, security marginally better. Appear to have chipped front tooth. Hate Gatwick.

MI and BD, that sounds hideous. I'm really sorry. MI could your DM not go into the hospice for a day or so? My friend did this - she used to call it "play dates".

That's a good idea, MrsS - like a hotel stay, so she is used to it?

Happy Hols, MrsS!

Cremo anything we can help with re dsis?

I am back in bed - rather over indulged and then ds insisted on waking me up at 7.00. I feel crap, don't want to go back to work :(

I don't know about day stays - the hospice does them but I don't think I can hurry it along. A lot of this is stuff I just don't know. And I am three hours away and I can't go and stay there: I'll go mad. I am not joking.

MI, so sorry. I do understand about not going to stay and you DO have your own family to think about, too. Tie DH down until he writes the dates on the calendar.

BD and Herbs, my thoughts are with you both.

MrsS, Bon voyage. I hate all airports, but particularly Heathrow (vividly remembers last June's experience when I was crying for the security picture). I will wave to you.

Glorious sunshine here and some packing done. It has been, however, snowing in the Lakes according to DDiL. I am producing a roast chicken dinner and banoffee pie for their return at 5.30. I think DH must be cleaning the car judging from the noise coming from outside.