Please define 'frumpy'.....

[LaContessaDiPlump]

This is a TAAT, in case you were wondering! I saw the 'Phase 8 - frumpy or not?' thread and realised that I like quite a lot of stuff in there

I'm 33, 5'5 and a size 18 (hoping to drop a bit soon though). Big mum tum and bum, arms and legs on the larger side. I do have curves though.

Please steer me right Mumsnetters!

Courtelle cardigans (disclaimer you probably need to be 40+ to remember these), will see if I can find a pic. 70+ ladies still wear them today.

Flat lumpy soled shoes with tan tights

Gathered calf length skirts (if teamed with both of the above)

i.ebayimg.com/images/i/321512716135-0-1/s-l1000.jpg courtelle cardigan

NOT all '70+ 'ladies' - wear those ghastly cardis - the 70 + women I know wouldn't be seen dead in them.

I know this is off thread and whingey but I really do get fed up with the occasional but regular ageist assumptions on here!

Sorry Polyhymnia- I meant to add 'MANY' 70+ ladies - which is a statement of fact in my area, at least.

Didn't intend to come across as ageist.

Oh dear. I own a few of those....

I'm the same age as you Op, I'm a size 10/12 but find it really hard to know what to wear, I'm worried I will dress too young or too old, I like labels but I'm not girly, I like superdry, fat face, animal and often shop in TK max, I find shops like top shop, new look and H&M too boring and often too young but then places like Boden and M&S too old and frumpy. I have quite a large collection of clothes but no real style, I often wear skinny jeans and a long smock top, shoes are tricky, I don't wear heals, I have a large collection of boots and flats.

I see frumpy as wearing boring clothes for older people but I guess there are days where I can't be bothered and I probably look frumpy

You can do something with your hair, I promise. Before and after of mine. It's red, incredibly thick and curly

Can I suggest that frumpy is a word that is used by lazy people who don't have enough vocabulary to describe what is wrong with what another person is wearing?

Contessa, my cousin also has Merida hair - she uses Kerastase products to encourage curl and discourage frizz, or she pins it up and looks like a Renaissance painting!

She is in her late 20s but carries her weight on her boobs and tummy and thighs. She definitely needs a good bra and is probably a size 18. She looks beautiful.

She doesn't buy lots of clothes and often wears very "practical" items which may look frumpy but are perfect for her physical job. She chooses things she loves and which contribute to her sense of style which I guess is sort of country boho??

What would you like to look like? Who/what do you consider to be stylish/attractive?

Aaargh, yet more ageism from neverlearn. How come frumpy clothes are 'for older people'? Why assume anyone stops caring about style and presenting themselves well as they get older? Lazy stereotyping - now out of date if it was ever in date!
On the 'what looks frumpy' question, I liked the comment by one or more PPs that someone can look frumpy if they look as though they don't love or at least actively like or have any interest in any of their clothes or accessories.

You may suggest it, Lweji..... but it's such a tempting short-cut to describe something which we all clearly have widely differing ideas about.

It's interesting that if you refer to someone as being 'so lovely', no-one challenges you to provide specific details of exactly how that person has attained Lovely status and to articulate the precise nature of their loveliness..... maybe it's because the Lovely statement is not viewed as threatening to you personally, whilst the mob musings over what constitutes frumpy may well end up being upsetting to you personally. I certainly didn't mean it in an ageist way but I see that it's interpreted like that.

Are you feeling brave enough to post a picture? Or, can you suggest a public figure you are similar to in shape or colouring, or hair style.

Or how about people whose style you admire? Just as a starting point.

There are lots of people on here who I'm sure would suggest some lovely colours that would suit you, a hairstyle to try or accessories that would make you feel good. It sounds to me like you've had plenty of knocks to your confidence, and you've lost perspective of how you want to look. I wouldn't worry about your size, as some of the most stylish, kick-ass people I know are plus size, and the word 'frumpy' would wither up at their feet.

So I'm guilty of describing my sister as 'side show bob' the reality is with my mouse but highlighted straight hair I'd kill for what she has. Embrace the red, embrace the curls I promise there are people very envious no matter how wild you think it is!
Anyway on clothes if you really want to look good but don't want to care, I really recommend getting a uniform. Basic but faltering shapes be it - jeans, top, blazer or - wrap dress, opaque tights and boots or - wide leg trousers and cardigan. Work out the combination that suits your shake and lifestyle and stick to it. You can mix and match by colour or season but basically it's a standard look that works for you.
Yes may be a bit boring but God it stops the stress and you know you look 'together' if not fashionista! A John lewis stylist would be a great help here.

Your hair is lovely goodasitgets! And very similar to mine....

I actually have no idea what I want to look like. My baseline is to look normal enough that no-one laughs at me, and to look like a generic 33 year-old should look. Basically I just don't want to be disapproved of or to cause any comment in any way.

The people whose appearances I admire are usually a lot thinner than me and they look like they spend time on their appearance. I don't tend to, beyond societal norms (e.g. shaving armpits and legs) out of a certain sense of 'what's the point'.

A uniform is a sound idea. I work in an office so it surely wouldn't be hard to achieve.....

Oh, and do most people save their 'nice' things to wear to work or go out with friends, and wear cheap and boring things the rest of the time? I've been trying to make myself actually wear nice things to places OTHER than work sometimes, as I go out so rarely.

Glad you could read through my phone's autocorrects!
I recently came to the conclusion that life is too short for nice things. I had clothes I hadn't worn because I was saving them. What a waste! Buy a few 'nice' things and wear them a lot.
I can't recall where the quote came from but I remember the thought that French women are hugely flattered when some one says 'I'm delighted you wore that dress, it suits you so well' but British preferred 'love the new dress, where did you get it'
Trite and a simplification but I do think there is a lot to be said for less, well cut and flattering.

Ok I'm 31 and a size 16 ish
Nope I wear nice things all the time because if you save stuff for best it never gets worn!
Please don't worry about being disapproved of, I was the same, I think I'm about a year ahead of you in that respect. My mum was shitty about my body and what I wore and I didn't know what suited me. I kept my hair tied back as I had been bullied for it all through school. I wanted to be invisible and just blend in
It's taken me a while, found a good hairdresser, had it all cut off, followed fuller figure fuller bust on her blog and Facebook and watched what she wore as we are a similar shape. Found what suits me and wore it

What I do OP is I rip pictures out of magazines or save images from the internet of any look that catches my eye.

Pinterest and instagram are good places to pootle about on. All the truly stylish people do the hard work for us and we get to copy them!

I wear a lot of dresses, all year round. Sometimes jeans, a top and a blazer and boots. I like bracelets but necklaces don't work for me so I leave them off. I need waist belts or I'm swamped as busty and clothes are never small enough at the waist
I post loads on Instagram and Facebook of what I am wearing and it's nice to get messages saying people have bought it because they can see it on a person

Merida hair is wonderfu, contessa! I bet yours looks great :) thick hair is a good thing. good as it gets your hair is stunning. looks good in the before and the after if you ask me. Mines that thick but with a bit less curl, and a darker red (chestnut, rather than flame.) at shoulder length, long layers may not be ideal - concentrate on getting it in fabulous condition.

You can use any old coconut oil you like. I use monoi (google it) because I love the smell and it takes me back to the South Pacific. Shampoo it out well, and then scrub your bath or shower to within an inch of its life (I learned that part the hard way, ouch.)

I've also had a hairdresser say that to me, like thick hair is some sort of issue! If it's super, super thick with a tight frizz, then you could try your local Afro Caribbean salons (if you're in Cardiff I think there are a couple, I used to live there)

Personally if I had Merida hair I'd be emphasising it to the max, but that's easy for me to say I suppose.

An Afro Caribbean salon is really good idea actually!

It's hard to do - I spent years and years being called all the names under the sun so it's easier to just tie it back and hide it
Until my hairdresser (I asked for it shorter) "accidentally" cut another few cm off so I couldn't tie it back

I've done the 'deliberately make it too short to tie back' thing a few times myself! I'm just never happy with how it looks all flopping around my face. Messy, my mother would have called it. I think I've internalised so much of her dogma that it's very hard to break out of it all.

Sadly I am not in Cardiff but I am in a fairly multicultural town, so an Afrocaribbean hairdressers would not be hard to find....

That is a good tip about finding someone similar in shape/size to me and copying them. I can do that! Also Pinterest.

I have poker straight hair and would love curls. You mother might see mess, I see wild, glamorous and free!