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Style and beauty

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Original poster

Please define 'frumpy'.....

157 replies

LaContessaDiPlump · 16/09/2015 15:03

This is a TAAT, in case you were wondering! I saw the 'Phase 8 - frumpy or not?' thread and realised that I like quite a lot of stuff in there

I'm 33, 5'5 and a size 18 (hoping to drop a bit soon though). Big mum tum and bum, arms and legs on the larger side. I do have curves though.

Please steer me right Mumsnetters!

OP posts:

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Original poster

LaContessaDiPlump · 16/09/2015 16:13

I'd never go clothes shopping with a friend, ever.

My mother used to march me and my skinny sister around the shopping mall and make me try things on, then she'd get really angry when I looked like crap in the things she'd chosen. Even now I love shopping for clothes on my own because when I try something on and it's too tight, I can just put it back and no-one will shout at me. It's bliss.

Asking a stylist for help sounds like it has the potential to be expensive.... also a bit scared of having someone look at me and make that 'hiss between the teeth' noise.

My sister would be no help, we don't have that close a relationship.

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WipsGlitter · 16/09/2015 16:18

The key thing in your post is "that'll do". It's about not really caring or bothering.

I know as a fellow chubster it's a relief to find stuff that fits, but if it doesn't make you walk with a spring then it's maybe not right.

It's hard though, I was dressed for work the other day but had converse on (with a floaty shirt and 7/8 trousers) and bumped into a friend who said how casual I looked. I knew the converse were a mistake! She looked great, simple trousers, striped top, necklace.

I've made more of an effort the past two days!

EmilyPunkhurst · 16/09/2015 16:20

That all sounds awful: I'm not surprised you're a bit ambivalent about clothes/clothes shopping.

I promise that personal shoppers/stylists are never judgy - and there's no pressure to buy either (although it's nice to have a budget available in case you fall in love with something they suggest).

What about at home, on your own, trying things on and taking pictures of how you look? It can sometimes be easier to see in a photograph than a mirror (don't know why, something about being more objective somehow).

Original poster

LaContessaDiPlump · 16/09/2015 16:28

A fellow chubster..... that might be my next namechange

I think my standards of what makes me feel like I've made an effort are painfully low. You know the types of girl who you often find in the Horror Society or Rock Society or Film Society at university? The ones who generally have glasses and hair scraped back and a t-shirt with a witty logo and generic jeans, BUT with the addition of a pair of pretty sparkly earrings? I look at girls like that and smile because I remember doing exactly that - donning an item of jewelry and thinking 'There, I now look nice and feminine because I am wearing this indicator of feminity'. I'd be too scared to change anything else, but I could wear 1 item (only 1 mind you, let's not go crazy here) of something pretty and that would technically make me pretty.

I'd like to stop feeling scared of changing things and to start changing a few. The problem is, I have no idea how to do it without resembling a dog's breakfast and making my husband laugh at me. He doesn't mean to upset me and I can't really blame him for laughing if I look daft, but I'd like to avoid it if I can.

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EmilyPunkhurst · 16/09/2015 16:34

Yes, the laughter thing...

I think the best changes are often those where people think you look good (and know you've changed something) but can't put their finger on it exactly.

Haircuts make a big difference with that.

How is your budget? Do you have some money to spend on a few bits and pieces to start changing how you feel?

Gruach · 16/09/2015 16:40

Hmm ... So what you're really looking for is a whole different attitude to dressing?

It can be very hard and could take quite some time to break out of

"It looks like shit on me."

"That'll do."

"My DM was disappointed in me."

"My DS always looks fab"

I imagine if I were to ask you now how much you can afford to spend ...?

The first thing I'd suggest is that you don't start with clothes. Start with one spectacularly beautiful accessory - a pair of earrings, a silk scarf, a ring, bag, or some magnificent footwear. Spend about ten times as much as you would ever have considered before. Take your time. Buy it for you - ignoring everything you think other people might say. Just one thing. Get used to seeing yourself in the mirror wearing it. Then wear it outside.

At this point you'll hopefully be thinking "I can't wear it with that old shirt or those droopy jeans. You'll begin to filter possibilities down to what will flatter the stand-out thing. One t shirt in the perfect colour perhaps. A sweater with a different neckline. Stylishness is a gradual process ...

Start somewhere, build on it. Focus. Don't be afraid to make mistakes. And visit some art galleries. Fabulous role models on the walls.

Original poster

LaContessaDiPlump · 16/09/2015 16:42

Nothing can be done with my hair, at least not all the time - it is a big red mess. This does not help the frump image.

The only way to get it to behave is if I pay it loads of attention, and frankly I don't have the time or energy. It tends to get scraped back and firmly told to behave.

We do have more money atm because DS1 has just started school. I suppose I could afford to buy some things. It just feels so gratuitous when there are clothes in my cupboard that are still wearable though.

OP posts:

Original poster

LaContessaDiPlump · 16/09/2015 16:43

Ten times, gruach?

That's, like, £150 quid!

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Gruach · 16/09/2015 16:47

Original poster

LaContessaDiPlump · 16/09/2015 16:49

Well, if someone comes into the room looking frankly ridiculous then it's human nature to laugh!! I'm sure the most stylish people on the planet have their partners laughing at them from time to time; the difference is that they're confident in their choices, whereas I really am not.

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Janeymoo50 · 16/09/2015 16:55

Frumpy to me means clothes that may be ill fitting (for whatever reason be that wrong size, poor quality, past their best etc). Also, perhaps dull colours, bit outdated. The biggest part of being frumpy is self belief, a decent hair cut, standing up straight, a bright lippy etc, new glasses (if needed) and a confident smile will work wonders, no matter how frumpy the wardrobe.

Apathyisthenewblah · 16/09/2015 17:00

I'm feeling like a bitch today so frumpy is my Dh's ex wife. Shapeless navy bottoms, shapeless navy or white top, shapeless fleece, trainers or sliders from the "comfort" range, shapeless chin-length hair which has just been left to dry.
Basically clothes which say please don't look at me.

On the flip side as you can see from this post she is a much nicer person than me...

FancyForgetting · 16/09/2015 17:01

Oh Contessa - I am far from stylish, but my husband would never laugh at my style (or lack of it). No wonder you are reluctant to be more adventurous!

ouryve · 16/09/2015 17:02

"Frumpy" is a word used to put down other women's clothing choices. I hate it and hate that women become so self conscious that they might be thought of as frumpy.

FancyForgetting · 16/09/2015 17:09

I've never heard a man referred to as 'frumpy' either ...

squoosh · 16/09/2015 17:13

No but you get Dad jumpers and dad dancing, and dad rock, all of which imply something deeply uncool.

ouryve · 16/09/2015 17:17

I'm sure the most stylish people on the planet have their partners laughing at them from time to time;

I'm not the least bit stylish and DH never laughs at me. He will point out a problem with something I try on and he's honest enough for me to respect his opinion eg when he saved me from the spectacular cameltoe a pair of jeggings gave me!

museumum · 16/09/2015 17:17

I only wear comfy stuff. But I'm not usually frumpy. To me frumpy is wearing walking trousers to the theatre or a nice dinner out.
For others however even owning walking trousers would be considered frumpy

FancyForgetting · 16/09/2015 17:22

V true but, to me, the use of 'Dad' implies affection rather than the judgement attached to 'frumpy'. Or maybe 'Dad' is patronising... Powerful thing, language!

Bunbaker · 16/09/2015 17:22

""Frumpy" is a word used to put down other women's clothing choices. I hate it and hate that women become so self conscious that they might be thought of as frumpy."

This

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 16/09/2015 17:26

Trainers
Tracksuit bottoms
Hair tied back in a low pony tail or hair not styled
No make up
Unpainted nails.

specialsubject · 16/09/2015 17:27

'frump' - fashion victim's word for someone who dresses to suit weather and occupation. Although there's no excuse for florals on anyone in my opinion unless you need to be camouflaged in a garden.

as 'cynic' is the idealist's word for a realist.

Bunbaker · 16/09/2015 17:36

"Unpainted nails."

I never paint my finger nails. I have my own healthy nails that are well looked after and a regular length. When I make an effort I doubt very much that not having painted nails makes me look frumpy.

Apathyisthenewblah · 16/09/2015 17:52

I do think of it as a bit woman hating so I don't really use it. Except for women I dislike...

Original poster

LaContessaDiPlump · 16/09/2015 17:56

I didn't mean it in that sense. How about dowdy?

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