Creme de la Crepe

[MrsSchadenfreude]

New thread...

It's such a difficult one, isn't it. Sympathies.

It is so miserable, isn't it? It's such a mean thing to say. My parents were well meaning but misguided. I want her to feel great about her body and be strong and athletic. Her sister is skinny but has a very different frame. She is clearly going to be very tall but I don't want her to start hating her body for being fat or indeed feeling far when she isn't.

I agree, don't make it an issue. DD1 was "square" for quite a long time - from age 8-12ish. She used to grow out, then up, and get the terrible munchies during these periods. She is now a trim size 10-12 with a tiny waist, at 16, and has been like this for a couple of years. She does have quite big legs, but she does a lot of sport, so they are muscular.

She was "teased" remorselessly about her weight and being fat by a friend of hers, and the friend's mother when she was younger and used to get very upset by it. But I think she now gets some grim satisfaction from the fact that her friend who was doing the teasing has now piled on the weight (her mother told me that she was size 16-18; I'm afraid I commented "Oh and she used to be so slim when she was younger," - not big and not clever, I know, but they did upset DD1 so much).

The only thing I did during the munchies period was to offer more healthy options for snacks, like fruit, cereal, raw carrots and hummous, ryvita and small pieces of cheese or cottage cheese, a sandwich with wholemeal bread and chicken or ham. Don't get me wrong, we had cake and chocolate too, it was just that we made sure that these weren't the "go to" foods. Fortunately she didn't have much of a sweet tooth, and still doesn't, as I have found bags of sweets in her room that date back from October half term when we went to New York.

Monty, does she do much sport/exercise? Does she eat a balanced diet apart from treats with plenty of fruit/veg?

I am fat, and was always told I was fat as a child/teen. Looking back at photos, I wasn't remotely fat, although I did go through the square phase, which resolved itself when I was about 14.

My sister has been looking through pics of us as teenagers and says robustly to me that I was gorgeous.

BTM, she does, when not in hols, but has a very sweet tooth. She won't eat fruit but eats vegetables willingly. She does some exercise and we walk loads, but she is already stealing food (eg chocolate from baking cupboard, extra toast etc) and I don't want her to binge in secret or worse. I guess the answer is not to buy it very often.

MrsS, I am glad it worked out for your dd. what a mean friend and a vile mother, though. Square is a good way of describing it, but Dd has a couple of rolls on her tummy at the moment which is a bit miserable for her. She gets very upset when clothes don't fit, too.

DD does the out then up thing too, but I worried yesterday that she would have to go very much up to balance this out. I am fat too, and probably don't set a good enough example but I do a lot of exercise and try to model healthy eating when I can .

As a teenager I was also told I was fat by my mother & she tried to make me diet, by giving me smaller portions etc. I used to 'secret eat' & for many years had a very unhealthy outlook on food.

It's a long time since DS was a young teen but I do remember Debenhams having small mens clothes that worked well for him.

Hmm, both mine sneak treats from the cupboard But now they are big bad teens, it's their choice!

As others say, she is probably growing up as well as out. I was a big teen - would look very average these days, but back in the 70's I felt fat. I did very little exercise. DM was always "treating" us and there was LOADS of comfort eating. I am probably a similar weight now, but don't look as square!

We are gearing up to go to the Alhambra. Yes, I know it will be blazingly hot. No, we didn't have an option (all morning tickets gone and it's a two hour drive anyway). WIBU to tell the Inferiorettes to MTFUPs?

At their age I'd seen a lot more and a lot hotter. Ajanta and Ellora temples. The Taj frigging Mahal. All well worth the sweating.

Monty I suggest one of those 'them's the new rules' makeovers.

We did it chiefly to save money and now it's (sometimes/mostly) like this chez WAF:
Nutella and puddings only at the weekends.
hot choc Mon and Fri only
No squash (or only in hols)
Crisps twice a week.

Ice cream is delicious.... but I'd shunt it to the weekends.

DD1 at 13 goes through the cupboards like a bloody locust

I buy biscuits. She finds them and eats them. I don't get any more for a couple of weeks. (And when I'm at the shops I often get myself a little or big something that doesn't find its way home)

Monty, I haven't any useful advice but I thank you are right to try and tweak something now. ds (16) is very sporty but has a unhealthy diet - he loves pizza, meal deals, biscuits, rarely eats fruit and veg, lots of sweets. There isn't much I can do now (especially as he seems pretty sensible about booze - one has to pick one's battles, I feel, with teens) - I try to keep offering a range of foods, but he just eats what he likes and stocks up at the shops. He thinks he is immortal, of course, so nothing anyone says will help just now.

dmil has issues with food - and it has made me . She used to go on and on about how little she ate in front of a (then anxious, bullied, dd who never wore colour in case someone noticed she existed). dd nowadays takes no shit from anyone - but told me recently that her dgm keeps telling her how much weight she has put on (since before puberty ffs) and how she mustn't put on any more (dd is a rounded size 10).

MrsS, I am that another parent would join in the teasing.

Hi all,
Monty dd had a largish period about age 10-14 and I did exactly as suggested below. Just make small changes. The other thing is she will stretch out. Hormones play a big role at this age and I think dd became wider when she was about to start her periods and once the burst of hormones had settled she started to grow in an upwards direction and evened out at a mid teens size12.
I am a large lady too and was determined not to make an issue of it and so did some stealth calorie counting on her behalf. Things like fat free mayo, lean chicken I sandwiches , more fruit for dessert ( wider choice like berries etc) and carrot sticks instead of biscuits.) Also smaller plates lol.

I am ensconced in a delightful cafe having an aperitif before market-plundered lunch. Very civilised compared with the boots meal deal.
Oh and yes, we nearly missed the ferry didn't we! my fault as I had calculated that boarding would commence 30minutes before departure, but no when I read the booking print out it was and hour before. we were the last car on the boat. BUT, silver lining-we were first off!!
Ahhhhhh

Mrs S - agree with Lalsy - I'd have gone serious no speakers with a mother that teased my child. I have two stick thin children who can eat as much as they want and then DD2 who has always struggled with a pot belly and is a terrible cupboard raider. I try to limit like WAF below but I've had to be really careful as she's had a friend who's missed a year of school because of anorexia. Agree it is very difficult to balance healthy body image and stopping them over or undereating.

Also I find DD2 gets really healthy over the summer and loses weight and then the stress of school starts her snacking again.

MI - the Alambrah is fabulous - enjoy inspite of the heat.

Oh I didn't just stand there and smile wetly. I told her that her behaviour, and that of her DD was out of order, and that they should not mention her weight again, as DD1 was getting very self conscious about it - I compared it with me consistently mentioning her DD's rabbity teeth (which obviously I didn't do). She stopped and apologised, but I know for sure that her DD carried on in school.

My mother bought me a pantie girdle when I was nine, as she was "ashamed" of my fat tummy. I cried and refused to wear it. It's a wonder we're not all quite mad really, isn't it, given what our mothers were like.

MI - the Alhambra is fabulous, as are the gardens. I saw them as a child and still remember how amazing they were, and yes, I too whined about the heat, but it was worth it.

Hell's bells, it so is MrsS.

MI, I loved the Alhambra when I went, heat or no heat (and it was baking). We had a drink afterwards on the terrace of the parador (or similar) that overlooks it - far too posh to stay in but wonderful place for a small sherry!

Panty girdle…oh that's awful MrsS…that recent fb picture…you were not fat. Also your DD's friend and her mother…how terrible. although liking the karma Oh dear... what a minefield of a subject.

Monty your DC are beautiful. I worried endlessly (and secretly) about DS2 (now 17) and DD (now 15) who were fat children. My DS1 had been as thin as a rake, so I just didn't understand why. This reached its peak just before the onset of puberty when they both suddenly slimmed down considerably almost over night, or so it seemed. Both are sedentary by nature which made it all a lot harder. DS2 has awful eating habits and is phobic about quite a few healthy foods. He loves stodge so still has to watch it. DD is tall and slim but DMil, the cow commented that she had a big bottom recently…I despaired as it was said within DD's earshot.

I like WAF's approach, which was similar to mine. We have no choc spread or coco pop type cereals at all…but they had them on holiday. Ice cream is a Friday night and holiday treat. Absolutely no crisps/choc in school packed lunches but had them for outings, picnics, beach lunches etc. I don't do desserts except for Friday nights and left overs for the weekends. They can raid the fruit bowl of they like. No concentrated or fresh juice but we do have squash. Thing is, now they take food when I'm not around and have money to buy what they want when out. There's nothing I can do about that except counsel moderation. We are all partial to the odd biscuit binge, I'm afraid… and love eating out . I was a slim child but have struggled worse with each pregnancy. DS2 is much more aware of his weight than DD and is shy to go swimming. It doesn't stop him eating crap though.

Monty why don't you PM me about getting together, when you're available etc..…would love to. And anyone else who want to talk about elderly rellies!

Hiya All,

Yes MI! Tell them to MTFUPs! Dh remembers fondly the time he fainted at Pompeii in August aged 10. Alhambra is beautiful - although when we went it was pouring with rain for two days solid... would rather have been baking hot I think.

Have nothing sensible to say re the eating - it's such a thorny issue. The tweaking approach and not making it a big deal seem v good sugestions. Like so many of you my (not so) dm made this a huge deal when I was a plump teen - at the same time as pushing food on me when she wanted to 'treat' herself and wanted me to join in.... and not cooking healthy family meals .... gah! She used to coment on my appearance constantly and snidely - without EVER being helpful or making good suggestions etc etc.

Here my ddad has been staying for a few days with us - and I selfishly would like him to go home now please...

Best to all.

Lalsy, my DS is the same as yours food-wise! He is currently tucking into a big slice of chocolate cake in JL - trying to console himself. Can't find any "skinny-leg" black school trousers that will fit round his calves/thighs

Re teen boys clothes: mine have a lot of stuff from uniglo - especially t shirts (their plain supima cotton ones come in a good range of colours), sweatshirts and trackie bottoms (which are slim cut). Also Topman for basics with a few more upmarket things now and again (when they have birthday money to spend). Ds1 likes Cos men for the odd nice thing (preferably in the sale).

For 6th Form suits mine have found m and s slim fit / super slim fit their best bet. I only buy machine washable ones and buy 2 pairs of trousers for every jacket. My tip is to order a few online, to be collected from your nearest m and s, try them on when you pick them up and return the ones that are too big / small / crap.

for example - ditch the waistcoat!

Giddy, why didn't I think of ordering online for ds' sixth form suit?! We did sort of have fun (tho he would deny) but it would have been a lot cheaper without him and his puppy dog I am still your little boy eyes and helpful assistants telling Sir how well his suit fitted . Still, he has got the message now and is scouring charity shops for cool ties.

He also really liked some bamboo t shorts from an eco shop, which came up small. And not whiffy.

Hooray! I forced DS into BHS and I think we have found some trousers that fit However, we have to order online as they didn't have the right length in store. Fingers crossed, or the pointy brogues will have to go back! I still think black trainers are way more suitable for teen boys uniform - hard-wearing and comfy.

BHS, of course….why didn't I think of that?

Is everybody locked out?