50 years old and fed up of trying to look nice :(

[RoyCroppersOldBag]

Why is it all so hard now ?? 50 years old and post menopause and I'm so fed up of looking crap all the time - it just seems so much hard work to even just look reasonable :(

When I was younger any old skincare, makeup and shampoo seemed to work, slapped it on and I looked good(ish) NOW I buy good stuff and spend twice as long getting reading to just look vaguely passable!! I'm totally fed up and feel and look awful. Should I just accept it or carry on fighting a battle I don't seem to be winning?

Thanks for reading this far - rant over :)

Yes, definitely sleep. And stress too, I think. I've got into the habit, since I was a sahm and about 47, of sleeping for fifteen minutes or so in the day. I used to be
about it but now I don't care. I get 9hours too, minimum. I'm lucky in that I work from home.

I agree with the crepey decolletage (?) issue too. My face is noticeably smoother. One thing I'm convinced helped me over the years is my use of thick slap. On holiday abroad- no matter how hot- my face would always stay white under the slap. I go red/brown now, as I think slap must be lighter. I did notice that my local Tesco is selling Pan Stik, tjough-my old fave??

Another crepey d decolltage here too. And the back of my hands ..

Sleep is key.
No stage of my life will ever be as hard as my 20s, when we both worked full time, had 3 children under the age of 4 and then 5 years and non sleeper babies. I will never be as tired or feel I looked as bad as then.

I always go to bed around 10pm. I have always needed a lot of sleep even as a teenager. It is hard to get it when you have babies but now they are teenagers it's lovely and easy and makes me feel and look better.

Sleep is something that eludes me 5 hrs max this is what I need to sort

It comes to us all, if we're lucky enough (to age, that is). You're not alone love. My sister 18 months my senior has hit menopause Big Time in the past 6 months. We spoke on Friday and she was crying actual tears. She's sick of feeling like "it's all gone" (the looks/the good times/reproduction/her figure). In a sense it has but then again, we're STILL HERE ???? and a different approach is required.

I'm getting a dog. A beautiful golden retriever who's birthday should be tomorrow. I have always, always wanted one as I had one as a young child which had to be rehomed because it ate the arm of the sofa. I'm going to LOVE that dog to within an inch of its life and at 52, I'm SO EXCITED. My point is, there are other things to cause joy in your life. There must be.

As a young woman, I couldn't walk down the street without being gawped at. I was never pretty but as my dear old mum would say "there's something about you". I was always painfully shy and a bit reclusive actually. Still am. I put up a post last week about "what can I do with my hair" cause I was feeling grey/drab/old/washed out. Loads of MN's complimented me on looking fab for my age. RoyCroppersWife I'm sure you feel grim but I'd bet people don't see you in that critical way ??.

On the looks front I'd say, pare down the makeup to just the items that bring out the best "you" (and she's definitely still there, girl!). Ditch the rest. I love makeup and am a bit of a magpie but of late use 4 or 5 things. Everything else is in a shoe box on a shelf (just can't bring myself to bin them). I've had my hair highlighted a wee bit and I do feel more "there" instead of invisible. I've gone on a bit but what you're feeling is very normal. Just need a different train of thought!

I think the idea of being invisible is not necessarily true I don't care what men think of me tbh although I like a flirt and regularly get chatted to in bars etc but I adore my Dp so am not looking for a partner iykwim. I also see at least 4 or 5 friends where their relationships have ended dating some really lovely guys and glowing with all the excitement. My mother started saying I should cut my hair when ds was born and he is 20 now and it's still long ish. Life is for living

Sorry, maybe the word "invisible" suggests I want to be noticed. It's not that really. Young women these days seem so glamourous and to be fair OTT with their looks and makeup that frankly, I'd have been very out of my comfort zone like that, if I were 20 years old now. It's all about attitude I guess so, if you're feeling grey and old and drab, you "appear" that way too. I admire older women for whom all sorts of things bring happiness... Doesn't matter what. Running a marathon, reading a great book, a bold lippy, interesting, animated faces. It really isnt about flawless skin, big hair and being a size 8 IMO. There speaks the voice of 50 something!#wiseoldowl

I agree with you am 49 but still like to look good. It was effortless when I was younger and I was crippled with self doubt so I am loving the freedom if being older but the upkeep is harder but u choose to do it so should be quiet really I saw your pic you look fab

Although I've contributed ideas here, I still feel a bit about the thread because IMO age isn't really an issue - and it's not for my mum and her friends in their 80s!

I can honestly say that none of my friends are appreciably different in their 50s and 60s compared to their 30s and 40s.

The common denominator is they have all stayed slim, exercise, have hair cuts and colour regularly, and still keep abreast of fashion without being a slave to trends.

I think the only difference between 'us' and younger girls is we don't follow a fashion 'uniform'- at the moment it's skinny jeans, ballet pumps or boots, a jacket, big scarf an a big 'crook of the elbow' bag. And lashings of too dark and too matte foundation often.

I DO wear all of the above in a toned-down way, but wear other things too.

I know this might sound harsh but you have to dress for your figure and your face- whatever age you are. I see young girls looking dreadful- too tight see-thru leggins, very overweight, muffin tops, huge boobs spilling out of T shirts, - not a nice sight.

Equally there is nothing worse than mutton/ lamb- often a very skinny woman ( maybe a size 6) who looks like a teenager from behind or a distance, then turns round to reveal a very lined, saggy face, often far to much slap, and she's in her 60s or more.

You can look great at any age if you look after your hair, your skin, figure and TEETH- get them whitened a bit if they are really yellow.

If people want men to look at them they just need to wear high heels and a short skirt. it's not very hard.

however what troubles me is it seems to matter so much to women as if their only currency is their looks, that they aren't in their 50s at peak earning power, strong, powerful high earning ( feel like that and it's wonderful) because they decided when they were younger that they would put their all into snaring a man and their looks and did not worry about careers - their looks are therefore their most important thing as that is what got them their meal ticket. Vanity was always a sin and good for good reason. We seem to have lost sight of that and praise girls for how they look than how they act.

sorry- but why are you saying that women in their 50s aren't at their peak earning time in life?

Apart from when I worked f/t in my 20s, I'm earning more now than when my DCs were younger and at home because I've more time to devote to work, and the mortgage is paid off.

A lot of what has been suggested regarding teeth whitening, eyebrow shaping etc etc depends on being able to afford it. I can't. Equally I can't afford expensive clothes that are classy and classic.

It also presumes that having a family hadn't interfered with progressing in your career. Unfortunately I have never been able to afford the luxury of going back to school/uni and chose to be a full-time mum when my children were small. Now I earn a pittance and still can't afford to retrain.

We all do our best with what we've got .. We aren't all in the same situation. Surely that's not that mind boggling Sounds to me like some people here were lucky ..

I'm 51 now (yikes), but to be honest, while I don't look 21 anymore, I think I look pretty good for my age. And before you all shoot me down in flames for being a vain old cow, I think part of it is because, despite having lost about 2 stone in the past couple of years, I'm still a couple of stone overweight, so much as I angst about that, it means that my wrinkles are all plumped out. So I get to eat cake, and look younger at the same time- though obviously the downside is that I wear a size 16 - who said you can have it all??? But I do exercise three or four times a week - running, circuit training etc, and much as I loathe it at the time, it makes me feel great, and tones me up - so even though I'm overweight, I'm not that wobbly - Firm fat if you know what I mean!!

Apart from stuffing yourself with cake, I recommend a tan - I certainly look much better with a bit of colour. Plenty of sleep and easing off on the vino are also surefire ways of keeping the signs of ageing at bay. (easier than done, I concede, particularly on the latter point!).

Re-training doesn't always have to be expensive- and there are some career loan schemes around, depending on people's circumstances.
Doing A levels, BTECs or loads of p't qualifications are often relatively cheap and student loans are available for mature students. I know of 2 people at least in my circle who trained as teachers and nurses in their mid 40s.

Now many people work until their late 60s, I'd really encourage anyone to get out there and learn new skills if that's a goal - or think about a small business you can run from home.

Youth is wasted on the young. If I'd been as confident then as I am now...

See, I don't want to look good to attract male attention. It was the worst bit about being young. I am perfectly happy with DH, the others can just bugger off and leave me alone.

I want to look glowing, friendly, interesting, calm, worth getting to know but not sexy.

I am going to have to get some foundation, aren't I? And lipstick

But retraining is too expensive when you have to be earning.

drummer If you really want to pick up some sort of career, maybe think about what you'd like to do and look into training options.

It's possible to do loads of courses part time and often in the evening and you can even do degrees completely by distance learning.

There are more options now than there ever were.

As already stated I can't afford to retrain.

I suppose it depends what you'd want to do anyway- some training is 'on the job' and you are paid while you gain qualifications- eg some teacher training you are paid as an unqualified teacher.
But- I don't think you are really that keen.

drummer look at it the other way round.

Would you want to have a different, better paid job, if you could afford to retrain? If so, what would it be?

Humour me, I understand that you feel it's a pointless discussion.

The cheapest way to look classy, of course, is to retain a wonderful figure. Now I have never had a wonderful figure, personally. But if you do (I mean slender and toned not anorexic) then you can wear classics from oxfam and you will still look better than I do.

Pink, you know nothing about me or my situation or what I'm "keen" on. I wish I had the energy and financial means to change things, however, any expense is too expensive at the moment due to the situation at home and my health leaves me with little energy to do anything. Also I don't see a lot of free training around ...

If I knew what I wanted to retrain as, I would look into it, as it is I haven't a clue. But why would I want to train to be a teacher??

Beast, I would want a better paid job that I enjoy if I could afford to retrain. Unfortunately I have no idea what that job would be.

I won't be taking part in the discussion anymore, as I didn't come here to be judged in this way. I thought it was relevant to state that not all 50 plus year olds are comfortably off and can afford to visit a beautician regularly. Clearly, however, not only were you lucky in childbirth, but in a situation where you were able/wanted to pursue a career.

drummer I was also a FT mother for the first seven years, and PT thereafter. Ad I was not exactly lucky in childbirth, having had two of my three children born disabled, which meant i had to change career. I do not go to beauticians and my eyebrows are shaggy and vile. You are being very unfair to assume that everyone who is trying to look OK is rich; and everyone who earns OK now had it easy.

People were trying to be friendly and follow up on what you posted.

Sorry that you feel like that.
You are being a bit unfair. we were trying to help. You brought up the fact that you had a poorly paid job and I was trying to say that even at 5O it's possible to change that .

I didn't say you had to be a teacher, but I was giving that as an example where mature students can be paid while they learn/qualify on the job.

I had a professional career before I had children. I went back to it only part time ( partly due to a chronic health issue and also due to lack of childcare) and then trained in other things aged 50+ at very little cost.

I don't go to beauticians - never had a manicure or brow tint in my life, but I have saved for some things that made a difference.

I would live to retain and have been giving it a lot of though lately. I'm only 44 and have time and I would happily take out a loan and pay it back when earning.