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Original poster

What does one wear to a swingers club?

627 replies

SnowNotSoWhite · 08/02/2014 23:41

Apart from not a lot Grin
Have no intention of getting totally bare assed in public so any ideas on nice lingerie and clothes that would, be, ahem, accommodating?

OP posts:
Bowlersarm · 09/02/2014 18:21

Wow, what an education. Thanks OP.

Some very funny posts, had me Shock Grin in equal measures.

The fact that there are pies are the most astounding bit of info. Who'd have thought.

EBearhug · 09/02/2014 18:23

EBear I am struggling the most to understand the non jealousy part. Take a fuck buddy ok i get that but to go with someone you love? To watch that happen? I just cant get my head round why that is a turn on.

I guess in some ways it the same as seeing other people enjoy a good book I've also enjoyed. The important thing is I was the one he came home with, and went to bed with and literally slept with, and we got to talk about how it felt, and so on. It's not like we split up and went separate ways once we got in the club - it was definitely a shared experience (needed to be for me, partly because it was in Germany, and could keep up with most conversation, but sometimes needed the odd bit of translation.)

CuntyBunty · 09/02/2014 18:24

I like the sound of it actually.

Why does sex have to be this sacred, special thing? If it gets someone off and everyone's happy, that's great.

I slept around a bit when younger before I met DH, DH shagged about less so. Although we are monogamous, I wonder if both of us feel we didn't have enough fun in that way before "settling down" and this could be an bit of extra bonus.

Destinysdaughter · 09/02/2014 18:28

Overit. I went to a fetish club for the first time about 12 years ago. I had often had submissive fantasies but never met a guy who was into that ( and this was pre Internet). Was tired of having fantasies I couldn't realise. Met someone who had a friend who went to clubs. Asked to go with him. Had such a brilliant time I felt like I'd come home. It was so friendly and open minded. Met lots of people through it and it felt a really safe place to explore all my secret fantasies. So I did! Then met someone who went to swingers clubs so started going to those. I really enjoy group sex, I find it exciting, sensual and v erotic. It's not for everyone but I'm very glad I had the opportunity to experiment in an environment t where I felt safe and not judged.

ilikebigbutts · 09/02/2014 18:30

You're right Cunty, it doesn't have to be all sacred, just for some folks it is. Although I posted earlier that I visited one whilst on holiday in Holland a few years back it was purely out of curiosity and I had no intention of doing anything. Sex without some kind of emotional attachment just doesn't work for me and I have major trust issues (history of sexual abuse - this has got heavy for S&B hasn't it !!!)

To be honest I take my hat off to the folks that go to these clubs and genuinely have a good time. I'm more than a little envious.

Suzannewithaplan · 09/02/2014 18:32

It doesn't have to be sacred but as it's (potentially) such a powerful experience people tend to have very strong feelings about it.

Appreciate that swinging enhances the lives of those it works for, but I cant help wondering how many people get burned and find they cant handle the sexual jealousy after all?

Rooners · 09/02/2014 18:34

I used to know some people who were into this. It was by no means the lovely, consensual fluttery idyll being delineated here.

I didn't go to any clubs with them. They tried to persuade me many times to have sex with them both. I didn't want to because the man was a creepy git. They handed me pieces of paper with websites about sex, which I didn't investigate.

Eventually the woman made a move on me when he was out for the evening, and I went along with it to see how it felt. It was kind of a non event, I mean, it was pleasant being tactile (she was an old friend) but I didn't get off on it, though she seemed to.

Then he got home and I ended up sleeping in their bed for the night as he was too pissed to drive me home - and he was sleeping with her, and tried to get it on with me as well but I wasn't really up for it though I tried to be polite and let him mess about for a few minutes (nothing 'happened' with him, technically thank God).

He wasn't pleased about this but made out he was fine with it...he was insanely jealous of us doing it without him, and I felt frightened being driven home by him after. Their relationship failed shortly after when he started throwing her possessions off the roof.

He was a violent alcoholic. He also used to walk around wearing the shortest shorts you have ever seen, in public, and had custody somehow of his children claiming that their mother had tried to murder someone.

That's my experience of the swinging scene. No thanks.

overitalready · 09/02/2014 18:34

So if your oh wasn't into it would you carry on? Could you now be in a relationship where swinging isn't included?

Rooners · 09/02/2014 18:35

I also think it's massively bad for women to get involved with anything that makes them into a sexual object above all else.

I think the men get a lot more out of it than the women do, in general. I wouldn't want that sort of 'power'.

Suzannewithaplan · 09/02/2014 18:37

Rooners, that sounds grim:(
I guess swinging might attract more than the average share of people with 'issues' but surely not everyone who's into it is like that?

CuntyBunty · 09/02/2014 18:39

Why would the women be more of a sexual object than the men, Rooners?

Bunbaker · 09/02/2014 18:39

Another question. Why do people bother getting married in the first place if they want to share their partners? Why not just live together instead?

Rooners · 09/02/2014 18:39

By the way this was a LONG time ago - more than a decade, and pre children.

Rooners · 09/02/2014 18:40

I didn't say they would, Cunty.

LittleBabyPigsus · 09/02/2014 18:40

I could never do swinging BUT I don't judge those who do. It's just very much not for me. Also I am queer/pansexual but strictly monogamous. I just can't do casual sex.

Suzannewithaplan · 09/02/2014 18:42

I suspect there is a potential for manipulation and power games
but also potential for a whole lot of fun

and that makes it all sound like quite a gamble...

Destinysdaughter · 09/02/2014 18:42

Over it that's a good question. I could be with someone and not do this if we had a good sex life. But tbh I would love to meet someone who would genuinely enjoy watching me with other men.

I once had a partner who was bi and he would find other men for us to have sex with. Really enjoyed both the attention from both men and seeing him with another guy.

Have also been a Domme ( not professionally ) and had a rich investment banker sub who loved being made to wear my underwear and me pissing in his mouth.

< wonders how long till this thread gets pulled..>

Bowlersarm · 09/02/2014 18:42

Rooners, that does sound grim. Did it affect your friendship with your female friend?

CuntyBunty · 09/02/2014 18:44

I also think it's massively bad for women to get involved with anything that makes them into a sexual object above all else. Ok, I don't want to pick and go over the semantics, but why would it be something that turns the women into a sexual object above all else and not the men? Dopes the same not apply? Not looking for an argument, just curious as to why you think that.

Suzannewithaplan · 09/02/2014 18:47

I guess if your experience of swinging made you feel as if you were only a sex object then maybe swinging is not for you.

Likewise if I joined a tennis club and it made me feel like a tennis object I may decide that tennis wasn't my thing.

Facetious I know :o

Suzannewithaplan · 09/02/2014 18:49

Destiny it sounds as if you are cut out for that kind of thing...you surely met people who weren't and found that they couldn't handle it?

TheDoctrineOfSnatch · 09/02/2014 18:51

Bun, because marriage sorts out a lot of legal issues like inheritance tax, for one!

Destinysdaughter · 09/02/2014 18:55

Suzanne, everyone's different and that's fine. I think it's a lot more widespread than most people realise. I have my own issues around sex but for me, being involved in this scene has helped me with them. It can be a phase or an exploration for people. I think women have spent so long having their sexual desires either dictated to or suppressed that I am a real advocate for a place where women feel safe to explore these things on their own terms. Sure men can be arses but as I said, clubs have strict rules on male behaviours which are enforced so that women can feel safe.

Rooners · 09/02/2014 18:58

Bowlers, yes, sort of - but not too much as she chucked him out when he got horrible. We always had a slightly awkward friendship anyway. But it made me feel really bad for her that she had gotten involved with such a twat.

Cunty, I don't think it's good for anyone to be involved in something that makes them a sexual object above all else, man or woman - but I feel it is worse for the women in this scenario due to the overwhelming disparity in numbers of men vs numbers of women.

Hope that makes sense. I only wanted to comment on how bad it is for women, I didn't mean it isn't bad for men too, but I'm not that interested in that as men generally find themselves on the upper end of the sexual power scale in most situations.

Rooners · 09/02/2014 19:00

and semantics wise, I didn't say it doesn't make men into sexual objects - I didn't mean to imply that it doesn't, either. I just was talking about the women, not the men.

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