Sorry you are in the same boat Red, it's a real pain. We have been pushed to the limits with these unexpected and pain in the arse surveyor bills that our un-lovely neighbour is insisting upon. What can you do though?
Yes, Hopefully you are right, its much harder. I had my first mortgage in 2002, and it was a matter of sending in a few pay slips and the odd bank statement. This time we had to provide so much evidence, although I appreciate the sums are much bigger now. In fact the bank where questioning me as to why on payslip I produced had a £40 difference to the others...crazy times.
Very dramatic Ollie, and what an odd thing to steal. I laughed at your panic translation!
In terms of brazen-ness I do have a good story to recount from when I was a Ward Sister. We had a long 10 bedded bay for men, and had one of our 'serial attender's' in who was a well known lad, herion addict and drinker. Bit of a cheeky sod, but knew every nurse by their name. Call him W. Anyhow, one day one of the elderly Bengali men had come back from the loo and told me his mobile had gone missing. We searched his things for him, and looked in his locker etc. I said I'd ring it, to see if that helped. So, I ring the mobile number and a phone starts ringing in the bay...and another elderly Bengali man, 4 beds down, picks up and says "Hello?".
Basically, in the time it had taken the phone owner to go walk to the toilet and back to his bed W had pinched his phone from his locker and then managed to sell it to the innocent other Bengali man 4 beds down the bay. You have to admire his pace. 
. It was a crazy, crazy place to work but my my goodness you did see life!!