Nutty Stepmum's Club (NSC) - Who Wants To Join Us?

[SadSam]

Howdy!!!! Squirrel 3 and I have decided that as we are a bit nutty, we'd like to set up the Nutty Stepmum's Club or NSC. If anyone would like to join us, please add to this post and prove that we are not the only nutters out there!

We would like to add a little bit more nuttyness to our already insane lives!!!!

Hello, sorry I didn't get back to you NAAM things got a bit chaotic, had to go and get some ready made cartons of baby milk for Lea and some drink for dgs.

Apparently the water board did announce over a loud speaker that they were turning the water off but we didn't hear it, well I thought I heard something but didn't realise what it was.

Don't worry I guessed you must be busy with the gkids

Have they finished now?

They seem to have fixed the water leak now, they just have to fill in the holes and fix the road and pavement.

Wonder how long that will take?

How are you this morning?

I'm OK thank you, bit tired - I don't sleep very well when DP is on nights - but fine apart from that It's his weekend off this weekend tho so he gets home early on Friday morning then he doesn't have to be at work till 1pm on Tuesday so I'll soon catch up on my sleep over the weekend

How are you? And how's your dd and gkids? Doesn't Lea have to back for a check-up early in the New Year?

Yes, your right Lea has got to go back soon for her check soon, think that it will be ok though. DD has got to go for an MRI scan (think its next week, drank too much vino last night can't think properly). They are going to have another look to see if they can do an operation to help her, its a bit scary having an operation on her spine again, last time (at 13yrs old) she was in a 'plaster jacket' for three months then a plastic back brace for 9 months, don't know how she will cope with two young kids, I will help out as much as I can, but I also need to work. I'm not sure how we are going to cope, but I'm sure we will, somehow.

Lea is beautiful, she reminds me so much of my Grandad, she has the same really blue smiling eyes and has the same sweet nature,its funny because dgs is the image of my Nan and is very much like her in his personality too, energetic, funny and kind.

That's nice that Lea reminds you of your Grandad, bet she makes you A friend of mine at work has a granddaughter who's just turned 1, she bought a photo in last week, she has big blue eyes too she's gorgeous. Makes me quite sometimes knowing I'll never have one

That does sound scary about your dd, don't suppose her DP will be much help will he? No - silly question NAAM!! There may be another option this time tho if her last op was 9 years ago, she might not have to have a jacket or brace? But if it's going to help her in the long run it has to be worth it xx

NAAM, did you give those workmen a kick up the backside or what? They have finished!!! Filled in the hole, repaired the road and gone!?! Blink and you would have missed it!

I think you have already said (but I've got a memory like a sieve) why can't you have a child if you really want one? (tell me to mind my own business if you want) you sound like a really great stepmum so you would make a lovely mum.

I knew they'd be finished today

DP has had the snip. It's a bit of a tricky situation really cos before I met DP I really was totally convinced that I didn't want any. My ex was a complete pratt and, though I would never have admitted it at the time, I never had children with him cos I was frightened of him and I was worried I'd be frightened of them too! When I left him so many people said that when I met someone special I might change my mind, which at the time met with a resounding "oh no I won't!" But they were right - when DP and I got serious I did change my mind. I asked him if he would consider a reversal op but he says he doesn't want any more children, which is OK for him cos he has one! Sometimes I watch him with his dd and even that upsets me cos I know we'll never have a child. But I don't suppose I can really grumble - it's not his fault I changed my mind. Most days I'm OK about it but I have to say when I have a bad day it really is bad - I can't even watch an advert for nappies without getting upset! Daft I know....but I want to be with my DP more than I want a child and I have to keep reminding myself of that. No-one except DP knows, everyone else in my life thinks I still don't want any and it's very awkward if the subject ever comes up cos I feel like crying but no-one knows it! And since I changed my mind I haven't dared to hold a baby - DPs best mate and his gf have a 4 month old - cos I really don't know how I'd react, but luckily it's not hard to avoid them (I know that sounds awful but for now it's the way it has to be)

Sorry, I'm rambling now

NAAM, {hug}

I didn't mean to upset you, sorry

Does your dp know how much it upsets you? Everyone is entiltled to change their mind, its not fair that your dp is a parent and you will not have the chance to become one yourself.

I know a couple (remember the couple who are parents of sweetie pie?) when they met they both had children from previous relationships, he had had the snip, but she desperately wanted them to have kids together so he had the operation reversed (sweetie pie being the result). They are trying for another now, maddness as far as I am concerned because they are both in their 40's, but as long as the kids are wanted, loved and happy I supose its up to them.

Now I'm rambling...

Surely if it affects you that much your dp may consider a reversal?

It's OK you didn't upset me I can't go through life avoiding babies or any talk of them. And thank you for the hug

Yes DP does know how much it upsets me, well I think he does anyway, he certainly should do cos he's seen me in tears over it enough times, but he's the same with this as he is with me being unhappy in the house - any mention of it from me and he just falls silent for a few minutes then changes the subject!! On my bad days I do feel angry with him cos I've done so much for him yet he won't do either one of two things which really get me down

LOL at sweetie pie yes I know who you mean - agree it's madness to try for another at their age, not fair on the children IMO

Think you really need to think hard about what you are giving up, the house situation isn't as important as having kids or not. If you think you will not regret not having kids when it is too late ok, but if you think you will regret it and hold it against dp you need to seriously think again, it will undoubtedly damage your relationship.

I'm afraid that when it comes to kids (this is directed at FANC too) when it is too late, it?s too late and you can't change it.

Sorry, it?s something I feel quite strongly about as I can't imagine not having mine, or the joys of being a grandparent. Think you need to be very sure.

Your dp sounds lovely but he does seem to want to sweep it under the carpet in the hope that it will go away, think maybe a long chat with him may be helpful to really get things clear in your own mind.

You're spot on about my DP - he is lovely but yes he certainly does want to sweep it under the carpet and hope it'll go away. I do think that if I said to him "look, you either have a reversal or I'm leaving" he'd do it, but then he's doing it "with a gun to his head". Also, I can't help thinking there's no guarantee that a reversal would work anyway which would cause more heartache. And, if we did have a child, we certainly wouldn't be able to have the life we have now, and I do absolutely love my life - we're always disappearing off to football matches/meals out/nights away in hotels etc. and you just can't do things like that when you have a baby, not to mention can't afford it! Have to say tho I'm really not looking forward to Christmas. I know this probably sounds daft but I don't think I can cope with watching dsd open her presents, I've told DP I'm going to stay in bed (it'll be very early) and let the two of them have the time on their own. DP isn't keen on this at all - he says we're a family and he wants me to be a part of it, which I can understand from his point of view but I feel like screaming at him "yes but you don't know how much it'll bloody hurt knowing I'll never watch MY children open their Christmas presents!!"

I'd be interested in other opinions on that actually - does anyone think I'm being mean not watching dsd open her presents or do you think I'm right to stay out of it? Please be honest

BTW dsd thinks the same as everyone else - that I don't want, and never have wanted, children and I would NEVER allow her to see me upset, not over anything actually not just this

Blimey I need a drink now - where was that Ouzo you found me the other week Squirrel

Here have a couple of bottles.

I know it will hurt but I think that you should be there when dsd opens her presents, you are a family, ok you are not her mum but it will mean a lot to her and your dp.

BTW do scream at dp about your reasons for not feeling comfortable being there, I agree, you can't tell him to have a reversal or else but you should let him know how strongly you feel and, give him time to think about how he really feels about it (I know my dp sometimes seems to ignore my feelings, only for him to come back with an obviously deeply thought about solution to the problem).

About dsd, if you decide not to have kids dsd will be your only chance to be a 'mother', you need to nurture that relationship, just wait until she grows up and has kids of her own. If you still have a great relationship with her you will have the chance to know the step-grandkids from newborn babies and I bet you will bond with them just the same as you would with 'natural' grandkids.

I don't know if that makes sense (to much vino last night) but I hope that it helps in a small way.

Thanks for that, it's nice to be able to talk about it for a change, I'll have a think about Christmas day

I love this site

So.....you have a hangover??? Do you take anything to try and make it better or do you just let it go on it's own? I don't bother taking anything cos nothing I tried ever worked! I've never been able to try the "hair of the dog" whereby you just have another drink and it supposedly cures your hangover - never been able to face a drink the day after!!

Hello everyone. As you have done so well with Squirrels workmen NAAM can you ahvea word with my boss abotu my work load as its getting in the way of my mumsnetting Hopefully get 2 mins to caht to you all later

I try to do this

Not

This

Helllllloooo! Tarantula

Hello Ms T Nasty man!! How dare he expect you to work I have that trouble sometimes too

But...guess what??? I'm getting my very own laptop at home before Christmas

My hangover's not getting any better so it might be time to try this

Anybody care to join me?

Go on Squirrel - do it!! And tell us if it works, I've never been brave enough to try it but I will next time if it works

Been down to the duck pond with DP at lunchtime - it's BLOODY FREEZING outside!!!!

Good Afternoooooooooooooooooooon nutters!!!

[[hugs]] NAAM - Just read your posts and really feel for you. xxx

Don't think I can do it!

Think I'll have a cup of tea instead!

Lol, do you like the pic? I think that pearls suit me, don't you ?

Hellooooooooooooooo FANC

LOL Squirrel - that's a man in that photo surely??

FANC thank you xx