How do we manage stepdaughter's behaviour without upsetting family outings?

[Dinosaursloveunderpants1]

I have one DS5 with my husband and he has three DC but two older so only DSD13 comes to visit EOW.

DSD is great with DS but her behaviour always causes friction. She has no resilience and craves attention.

Latest we went out for DS birthday to a theme park, she was too tall to go on a young kids ride and cried about it. DH pacified her. Gave her the attention she wanted and ended up going off for an hour so she could do some rides.

Stuff like this happens all the time. I'm at the point that I don't want to invite her anywhere as she always has to cause issues.

However, my DS adores her so I want them to be together. Told DH he is massively causing issues and he simply says he doesn't see her often so just wants to make her happy.

Any advice please?

Yes but all children learn behaviours to get what they want = manipulation

If this is learned behaviour then who taught her that? The adults in her life did, through (presumably) positive reinforcement. Which takes me back to the point I made earlier about considering why she is 'attention seeking' and how her needs can be met in other ways that are more positive.

Is crying the only way she gets time with her dad?

And this child has learned that the only way she can feel like she’s getting heard or attention in her fathers home, 4 days a month, is to cry, probably because she is genuinely upset, not manipulative.

Thats not her fault, its the fault of her father.

There are professional actors who have a difficult time crying on cue. It’s amazing to me how people think kids are able to summon actual tears at will just to manipulate adults.

building blended families is very fragile. Obviously you don’t say in your post- how much time is she spending alone with her dad 1:1? She should have plenty of opportunities for that, from experience it completely changes the dynamic of a father/daughter relationship when you suddenly have to share and are both just part of a different family unit. Maybe she cries because she’s struggling and just needs a bit more of the buture? I’m sure she’s picking up that you don’t want her to be part of things. Maybe she’s emotionally immature/maybe there’s something else going on. But it’s all a communication of something she needs that maybe she’s emotionally immature isn’t getting.

Adults using a young girl crying as an example of manipulation is in itself a manipulation, a gross one that perpetuates the behaviour standards enforced on girls. Give her a break.

I have 2 kids ,7 years apart and you have to choose activities very carefully at that age. Most years we tag teamed with one doing something with each of them. You need to find activities they can both participate in at their own level - it tended to be swimming, football, lego, eating out, the odd film, trampoline parks, mini golf.

Theme parks are a problem as you found. Maybe next time you can swap half way round so everyone gets a bit of Dad's time. Or leave sister at home and take a friend instead?

It’s reductive to call our inbuilt evolutionary survival instincts ‘manipulation’.
please do some intensive research on attachment theory and human infants before you even consider having children of your own

Nope, no child should ever be in a situation where they need to be tough.

You don't think a secondary school child who's prone to crying needs to gain a little more resilience, if only to avoid being bullied and socially ostracised? And you're speculating about the reason she was crying.

Ooops, too late.
Ps
I know children pretty well, hence why I'm here on mn but thanks, appreciate it x

Every time I read a thread like this I am so glad my children never had a step mother