Can I ask my new partner

[TinkaM]

I am a mum with 2 kids in a new relationship. All 4 of us live together as a family. I work 4 days a week and do all the appointments, activities and schiol pick-ups and drop-off but 1. My new partner helps with getting the kids to listen to me, shares cooking and cleaning equally, has recently started to help financially a bit.
When it comes to going out, I need to ask my partner to look after my kids at least 48 hours in advance, ideally more, but my partner sometimes lets me know at 18.00 that he is going out with colleagues, without always specifying about dinner. It usually leaves me feeling that's unfair, because I can't do the same and because
If we are a familly, I think we should both be allowed to do that.
To be clear, I don't mind my partner going out.
I just ask for a bit more of a heads up, amd for being allowed to be a bit spontaneous too.
My partner knows how I feel and when we discuss it, my partner tell me: I am sorry, I know this is unfair, that's how it is, you are their mum.
Am I asking to much (from a step-parent) for wanting a bit more of a heads up, and to be allowed a bit more spontaneity to go out too?

Intersted in opinions and how others navigage simular issues.

How new is new?

How the fuck are you a family if he’s a new partner?

Are you joking?!?!

I am a mum with 2 kids in a new relationship. All 4 of us live together as a family.
Why the actual fuck has the man in your new relationship even met your kids?? Living with and disciplining them?!?! no. That is unacceptable. Appalling choices being made here.

You've moved someone in and you're pissed off he's not taking responsibility for YOUR kids? Are you being serious?

Reiterating first poster - what do you mean by new? Raising them for over a decade is very different to a year or so. However, even if he has been in their lives for a long time and they are very comfortable and settled with him, I don't think it is fair you get the same freedom.

He isn't their parent, he doesn't have to drop everything, your kids have two parents. He can be a warm and positive influence and force in their lives but they aren't his responsibility.

Taking kids out of the equation, I wouldn't love if my partner just didnt come home sometimes without letting me know his plans or if he needed dinner so that's fair enough to ask for better communication but absolutely you shouldn't expect him to look after the kids. In fact unless you've been together a long time and the kids are teens, I wouldn't have him with them alone at all.

How long have you been together? How old are your children?

Oh my

If he's a new partner, he's not their step parent, and doesn't have to do anything for them other than be nice. And really, depending on how new, he shouldn't even have met them let alone be living with them.

Here we go again.

I despair!

What , is this maybe written wrongly surely you’re not living with a new partner as a family and asking him to care for your kids?

He’s recently started helping out financially a bit - why the fuck have you moved a cocklodger and his offspring into your kids home?

They say no one falls in love faster than a man who needs a roof over his head.

Yet another in the long line of depressing MN threads where a woman prioritises dick over kids.

I would never leave a stepfather alone with my children. Never in 1 million years.
I’m sure that’s not a reasonable response that anybody else will agree with, but I just wouldn’t

This can’t be real, no one moves a new partner , calls them a step parent and pretends they are a family.

What everyone else has said plus:
why has he only “recently started to help financially a bit” ?
was he living with you and your kids without contributing anything at the start?

If it’s new he’s not their step father.

This is another thread that it’s best to hope it’s not real because otherwise those poor kids

He hasn’t moved any offspring in, has he?

It doesn’t sound as if he has children of his own so he can go out spontaneously, you do have children and they’re not his responsibility. How new is new? Until I had been with him for a long time I wouldn’t be leaving my children with him.

Misread the OP as 4 kids rather than 4 as a ‘family’

Another car crash.

Does he have any children? Is he paying his own way? He isn’t responsible for your children financially or otherwise but he is responsible for his proportion of bills food and rent/ mortgage.

No-one with any common sense does!