Can I ask my new partner

[TinkaM]

I am a mum with 2 kids in a new relationship. All 4 of us live together as a family. I work 4 days a week and do all the appointments, activities and schiol pick-ups and drop-off but 1. My new partner helps with getting the kids to listen to me, shares cooking and cleaning equally, has recently started to help financially a bit.
When it comes to going out, I need to ask my partner to look after my kids at least 48 hours in advance, ideally more, but my partner sometimes lets me know at 18.00 that he is going out with colleagues, without always specifying about dinner. It usually leaves me feeling that's unfair, because I can't do the same and because
If we are a familly, I think we should both be allowed to do that.
To be clear, I don't mind my partner going out.
I just ask for a bit more of a heads up, amd for being allowed to be a bit spontaneous too.
My partner knows how I feel and when we discuss it, my partner tell me: I am sorry, I know this is unfair, that's how it is, you are their mum.
Am I asking to much (from a step-parent) for wanting a bit more of a heads up, and to be allowed a bit more spontaneity to go out too?

Intersted in opinions and how others navigage simular issues.

I think some people are not very maternal/paternal and you chose them probably knowing that. This is a very short term problem for you. In a couple of years you'll have a 9 and 16 year old and you can leave them at home together if you want to go out a couple of hours. I'd not try and figure out the norm in this situation because it really isn't the same if you get together with someone when you have babies or toddlers. Those step parents need to be more hands on, and if they're not you'd be better off without them. You have the choice because yours are soon independent.

p.s. If this guy is not truly paying half the rent and bills, plus food money, then kick him to the curb. That is an absolute must. If he is not doing that, he is using you.

@ThestoriesIcouldtellyou I think he was doing that; I think she was saying he had just started financially contributing "a bit" for the kids (which isn't his responsibility)?

Bloody hell there are some mean comments on here! Calm down you wretches. Is it fair? Not really but that's life when you have kids...you could say you would like more of a heads up when he goes out otherwise it seems like he is doing his fair share and things seem pretty harmonious.

I actually think the relationship is on very rocky ground.
You didn't appear to have any conversations before you moved this person in, about expectations and what you were both looking for.
That's bad enough when it's just a couple, but when you have children as well, that's a recipe for disaster.
There is a huge imbalance in this relationship and very poor communication. You are very clearly NOT a family, so your partner shouldn't be living in your house with your children.

Yes you are asking too much.