Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

BF makes no effort with my kids

53 replies

Mummypig81 · 25/07/2025 17:57

Posting this again as my last post was taken down as I had duplicate accounts! I 43F have been with my BF 51M for six years now. I have two daughters aged 7 and 10. She has two grown-up daughters. We get on really well and have lots of shared interests, but even after six years he has minimal interaction with my children. He comes to my house when they go to their dads and he leaves when they get back. He does occasionally pop in when they’re home but doesn’t tend to hang around as he clearly gets stressed out by normal children’s behaviour i.e. being noisy, bickering and wanting attention. I recently booked and paid for a holiday abroad for us both and my girls in the hope that it would strengthen our relationship. He spent most of his evenings sitting on his own away from us, on his mobile. He was constantly tutting and sighing. If the girls ever acted up, he would say “ I knew this would happen” or “ I knew she would do this” . He’s especially strict with my eldest daughter. I think she reminds him of his oldest daughter who no longer has a relationship with. They do get on when the girls are ‘ behaving’ but the girls do prefer it when he’s not around. Our holiday has proven that we have very different parenting styles and that living together whilst I have young children could never happen. Do I end it and concentrate on being a mum or live a double life keeping my relationship and children separate?
I have asked him to keep his distance since of holiday while I evaluate things. He says he loves all of us and feels awful that he has ruined our holiday.

OP posts:
HowToTrainYourDragonfruit · 27/07/2025 15:21

Maybe he does suffer badly from victim mentality. So, you can support him as much as you like... in his therapy and all the work he's doing to improve himself. Because he would know, of course, that it's important not to inflict adult paranoias on children.

Oh, what's that you say? He's not in therapy, and despite losing several important relationships in his life, doesn't think he has to change? You do surprise me!!

Cinnabonswirl · 27/07/2025 15:25

I recently booked and paid for a holiday abroad for us both and my girls in the hope that it would strengthen our relationship.
honestly op I’m completely baffled as to why you want to strengthen the relationship between you and this man or your dc and this man. He isn’t interested in them he’s made it clear. He’s not even interested in his own kids. Don’t subject your dc to a man who doesnt like them. Either dump him or just see him when they’re not around.

samsonthekitten · 27/07/2025 17:59

Lol I was subjected to this bullshit along with my sisters through out our life by our mother

we are now all not in contact with her as it was a symptom of other issues really

Sorry to be harsh but as a result of this if anything happened to my husband i wouldnt let another man over my door until my girls were older than 16 at least and my sisters feel the same. Its very damaginf as someone who lived through it

New posts on this thread. Refresh page