So many problems with SC

[M2p]

I have been a SM for about a year, SS 12 SD 9 yet I feel like this is just getting worse as it goes along.
At first yes it wasn't too bad, meeting them starting to get to know them but as time has gone on I've found myself separating myself from the situation trying to keep busy when their here. So they are very fussy eaters, will never try anything new and if I cook something ive made before that I know they like sometimes they say they don't like it and won't eat. If I don't have dinner done at a certain time all hell breaks loose and it's like I'm starving them to death but they never moan to me about it they go to their dad. They ignore me, even when my P is around, they will ask him questions to ask me. It's even worse when he's not in the house which is a fair bit as he works and he leaves them with me multiple times in the week, i will ask if their hungry and they will just say no all the time, but as soon as my P comes home the first thing they will say is their hungry and haven't ate like I've done it on purpose. Also SD stares at me all the time i can see her out of the corner of my eye. Sometimes she will just stand with her head poking round the door while im doing something it makes me so uncomfortable. These are just the main things there is also little other things that goes on aswell, has anyone ever experienced anything like this before?

Why the post in the first place?? either way, yes the father is taking the michael, but nothing to do with these kids

I thought the OP said that before moving into hers he spent several years on the sofa in the family home.

OP, tbh, best thing is if you placed your partner's stuff in a few bags and left it outside the door, and arranged for the locks to be changed. He's taking the proverbial and his kids get on your nerves.

In this situation...
It isn't the father that's refusing to eat the food OP serves.

It isn't the father that creats when dinner isn't served at a time of their liking.

It isn't the father who's refusing the food when asked if they're hungry then telling lies that they were left starving...

Face facts...the father isnt even in the same house half the time...
It's the kids doing these things, no one else.

This! Hopefully Tigermum8 finally gets it

Have you told him you’re not looking after his son tomorrow OP?

They don’t even have a proper relationship with their dad- why would they bond with you?
They are acting how their dad behaves towards you - kick him out and get your life back.

This is so sad. I don't blame the kids one bit. Their dad has just dumped them on a total stranger ( his fault not yours). They'll be pretty traumatised that he is just not available after the split and manners will be the last thing on their mind seriously.

This guy is appalling. He's having them there only for one of two things, or both; child maintenance payments will be reduced for him, and it's a sense of control and being able to say he contributes.

This is a terrible warning to you that this is how he behaves towards his own children. Secondly, what about you?? He thinks this is how you treat someone? What are you getting paid in return? A salary or allowance from him? I'm guessing no.

Everything about this is wrong.

I haven’t remotely insinuated that.

your posts seem like regular feature on Mumsnet @M2p

this one was a similar one https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5057874-aibu-to-not-fund-ex-partners-children

your partner will try everything not to leave without a fight as who’d want to give up on a nanny and shelter?

As MN likes to say, you have a DP problem, not a SC problem.....

That sums it up perfectly.

No one is implying op is responsible for the children’s behaviour but she HAS pitched this whole thread as them being the “problem.”

Clearer vision on that point is needed. It shouldn’t always be the children that cop the blame in these situations.

Who's idea was it to live together, his? Please tell me his name isn't on the tenancy?

It's so hard to keep up with these messages, it's the first time posting I'm struggling to reply to them all. He's just turned up with SS and said if he don't want to stay here by himself he will take him home. Now I don't like the fact he's willing to let him stay alone for that many hours

@pinkyredrose both of ours, no its not

Time for him to move out. You're a nanny with a fanny.

perfect ! how fast can he take his child home ?...

Honestly, tell him you also aren't happy at the 12 year old being left all day, and he needs to make other arrangements.
Then he needs to get his things and move out. Must be something in the water at the moment!

You sound so passive. This is your home!

You say no. DSS can’t stay home alone and get rid of freeloading DP.

Oh my god the cheek of this absolute fucker !!!

you told him no and he ignored you??? Christ on a bike.

You’re obviously unhappy with this situation @M2p but you seem totally unable to do anything. You’re just coming back reporting ‘he said this’. Why do you think you are so stuck?

You don’t have to reply to every comment or suggestion BTW. Pick one or two that stand out for you and explore that a bit.

Just a common-or-garden cheeky fucker then!

Hope you can get up courage to boot him out. Selfish lazy prick!

He's trying to blackmail you. You'll be worried that he will blame you if anything goes wrong, and he also is aware that you will be anxious about what might happen. He's banking on you backing down because you feel too stressed & uncomfortable about the situation.
He's exploiting you and he knows exactly what he's doing.

@MurdoMunro I feel like I have no say cause there his children. I hate conflict so much

Why on earth would the child rather be on his own in your house than his own??
I bet the ex has something on and has asked him to look after DC. He said yes without even consulting you. He's hoping you'll change your mind.
This has made the whole situation even worse.
You need to sit him down for a serious talk and tell him he has to go, it's not working.