So many problems with SC

[M2p]

I have been a SM for about a year, SS 12 SD 9 yet I feel like this is just getting worse as it goes along.
At first yes it wasn't too bad, meeting them starting to get to know them but as time has gone on I've found myself separating myself from the situation trying to keep busy when their here. So they are very fussy eaters, will never try anything new and if I cook something ive made before that I know they like sometimes they say they don't like it and won't eat. If I don't have dinner done at a certain time all hell breaks loose and it's like I'm starving them to death but they never moan to me about it they go to their dad. They ignore me, even when my P is around, they will ask him questions to ask me. It's even worse when he's not in the house which is a fair bit as he works and he leaves them with me multiple times in the week, i will ask if their hungry and they will just say no all the time, but as soon as my P comes home the first thing they will say is their hungry and haven't ate like I've done it on purpose. Also SD stares at me all the time i can see her out of the corner of my eye. Sometimes she will just stand with her head poking round the door while im doing something it makes me so uncomfortable. These are just the main things there is also little other things that goes on aswell, has anyone ever experienced anything like this before?

Much better idea than in front of the Ss on arrival

Well they should be learning it from their father but as he clearly doesnt respect the OP, what chance do they have?

Exactly. No chance.

Frankly I'd leave, your just a babysitter with benefits. You deserve more, and your partner's children do too (from their Dad not you).

Sorry haven't read all the replies but that sounds awful.

You say you've been a SM for a year, does that mean you've been married for a year or you've been with DP for one year?

Id the latter then you're not a SM and that will contribute to these issues.

It sounds like your DP is taking the pee out of you and using you for free childcare. Do you have children of your own?

I would be looking into the Nacho approach (look it up). Far more hands off. Put the parental responsibility back onto the parents.

Yep. And since moving in he's increased the time the children are with him (very possibly meaning his maintenance payments have reduced) - only they're not with him, they're with OP.
Get him gone, OP. He's a user.

You really are going to have to stand up for yourself here OP. Dont let him manipulate you into doing his parenting . You arent these kids parent. The kids dont even like you!

I know it isnt easy if youre not naturally assertive, but you could say that you have been thinking a lot and youre not happy with how this is going, and you want to go back to living seperatly, or just call it quits, but you absolutely arent ok with the role hes put you into as a replacement wife/mother, because you arent. Hes just a boyfriend, and these kids have already GOT parents,

Lots of people here have been through this, because so many men do it.
You wont win here. Hes not even being discreet about it

Why would you even want to be with someone like this? I just really don’t get it.

I was going to try and post something helpful as I am a stepmother (of nearly 6 years) and have been through a lot of this (not being used as unpaid childminder though, more taking it personally when they don't eat my dinners, wondering why they give me side eye etc.... ) but I now have a wonderful relationship with my SC. It isn't all plain sailing (neither is being a bio parent) but we get on and I take a parenting role but a slightly stepped back one. I focus on having fun with them, making them feel loved and cared for etc but also helping with homework and gently encouraging vegetable eating haha. I am not a replacement for their bio parents and nor do I have to be. BUT I realise all of the advice I was going to impart is redundant as you have realised you have a cocklodger infestation! Good luck getting rid of him, hope you are safe. I feel awful for the kids too, what a useless dad.

He added the work of 3 extra people to the household, but doesn’t want to do any domestic chores. He also uses you as an unpaid babysitter. Sadly, this is a classic tale.

as for the children, they would treat you better if you were an actual babysitter. Since you are someone who they have imposed on them, they need to keep their emotional distance because it’s just too much. None of this is their fault.

There is no point in trying to fix the situation with the children though. This man is using you. Your best course of action is to get him out of your home. I suspect he will find himself another girlfriend as quickly as possible. These men don’t want to actually take care of themselves or their children.

they will ask him questions to ask me.

Of course they do!
You are still basically a stranger to them and they’re in your home.

My stepdad came and lived with us and it took years for me to ask him a question directly.
I always went through my mum.

I don’t understand why your title is so many problems with SC, when they’ve not done anything wrong.

The title should be ‘so many problems with DP’.

I think you’re being taken for an absolute mug OP.

You’ve given him somewhere to live and now you’re parenting his kids.

OP doesn't resent them, she resents, and rightly so that their father takes them off of their mothers hands and dumps them on her where they, a bit like their father really expect the OP to dance to their tune..

Won't eat what she provides... not fussy just rude.

Cause uproar when dinner isn't at a time they want it... controlling what time OP serves their food.

Can't even ask her a question when she's sat right infront of them and goes through the father...darn right rude and ignorant.

Tell their father that OP hadn't offered them food when she infact has and they don't want it..... add telling lies.

OP time to move on from this relationship it's not like the DC will be homeless, they have a home with their DM and it's not up to you to supply a roof for this man that serms to see you pretty much as an unpaid nanny.

Get him out then if needed change the locks, once you feel settled go enjoy a break at your friends caravan.

I think it’s incredibly unfair for you to insinuate that any of their behaviours is down to OP.

This.
You have become a nanny, chef, housekeeper, on top of your day job for someone who thinks he is more important than you because he works three hours a week longer and therefore he thinks you don't have a leg to stand on and should carry on doing all the above work for him.

The kids will never accept you. It's easy to see why his wife left him as he puts no effort into parenting his own kids and he doesn't care if they don't like you or treat you badly as long as you keep doing the free childcare, for both him and now his ex it seems.

The fact that you could have afforded to go and have a break in your friend's caravan before he moved in, but can't now... says it all. You are being used and so is your spare time and spare cash. Its very hard to see what you get out of this arrangement.

This is YOUR HOME. Make a plan to chuck him out safely and with as little disruption to yourself as possible. Can you get a friend to help you pack his stuff and change the locks?

Do you have children? You don’t need to be doing any of this. The only thing you need to do (if you want to stay with him, I wouldn’t) is be kind to them when they are in your company. That’s it. Everything else is his job. They aren’t your kids, you don’t have responsibility for them.

Oh dear! Another Nanny with a Fanny!

You let this leech and his kids move into your house? Why? Move them back out again. Tell him to move out this weekend, you’re fed up of being an unpaid slave and babysitting service.

Where’s your self respect?

I was with someone in my twenties he was older with 2 kids, he had kids all the time but would play rugby and I would end up with them on my own at weekends!! So him and his ex were child free!!

@Radarunder they both work but he does more hours so in his world he doesn’t have to lift a finger at home

@Cucy they used to ask me that's the thing, there are alot more problems but there was too.many things to write

How old are they op?

Are you a mind reader?! At no point did OP say she resents them and they do not sound like ‘normal children’ given all the behaviour they have exhibited despite the length of time OP has known them and tried to engage with them 🙄

Are you a mind reader?! At no point did OP say she resents them and they do not sound like ‘normal children’ given all the behaviour they have exhibited despite the length of time OP has known them and tried to engage with them 🙄