So many problems with SC

[M2p]

I have been a SM for about a year, SS 12 SD 9 yet I feel like this is just getting worse as it goes along.
At first yes it wasn't too bad, meeting them starting to get to know them but as time has gone on I've found myself separating myself from the situation trying to keep busy when their here. So they are very fussy eaters, will never try anything new and if I cook something ive made before that I know they like sometimes they say they don't like it and won't eat. If I don't have dinner done at a certain time all hell breaks loose and it's like I'm starving them to death but they never moan to me about it they go to their dad. They ignore me, even when my P is around, they will ask him questions to ask me. It's even worse when he's not in the house which is a fair bit as he works and he leaves them with me multiple times in the week, i will ask if their hungry and they will just say no all the time, but as soon as my P comes home the first thing they will say is their hungry and haven't ate like I've done it on purpose. Also SD stares at me all the time i can see her out of the corner of my eye. Sometimes she will just stand with her head poking round the door while im doing something it makes me so uncomfortable. These are just the main things there is also little other things that goes on aswell, has anyone ever experienced anything like this before?

Nothing ties you to this prick. Tell him to leave today.

Honestly OP, you need to do some work on yourself after this, you seem like a thoroughly decent person, kind too. But your boundaries are off and I suspect your self esteem needs some attention.

Imagine if you had a baby with this parasite! Shudder at the thought and then enjoy the relief that you have absolutely nothing together, so he and his rude kids can leave your life immediately, and for good.

Don't be a push over anymore, please.

Followed this thread and really hope that you’re ok this morning OP. Stay strong and don’t let him twist your words into believing that he is doing you a favour in any way shape or form!

How dare he send messages to you like that! All because he’s been left to parent his own children?? You deserve better. He has been behaving in a selfish and entitled way. I hope you are ok. I think it would be good to speak to someone in real life if you can, so you have that support.

Sounds like he has the emotional maturity of a peanut. The threats to leave and take the kids scream "I'm manipulative".

Hope he left you in peace for the night. I've been in a relationship with someone like this who used to shout, scream and threaten to leave at the slightest inconvenience. One day I told him that would be great thank you and never looked back

Op I hope you’re ok but please learn from this. Never date men who don’t have somewhere to live! Because they then expect you to do it all! His poor kids they don’t really know you, it’s been a year but yet you’re expected to parent them.

What a toad. He has to go as you well know @M2p

So so many of these posts, you aren’t alone OP.

Unfortunately you are a woman so you must want to care and parent his children in his world and be grateful for it.
Has he got a mum he can go stay with? I’d be booting him out asap, have you got someone who can come round and support you.
Guaranteed he will with someone else in a few months.

It's OP's house, not her partner's so she shouldn't move out but should tell her partner to leave with his kids and then end the relationship.

I have never ever read a full thread but this one has really got to me. @M2p please let us know that you are ok?

Morning, I have flicked through most of the messages but there are so many i do apologise if I don't answer anyone's questions. Basically I told him I wasn't coming back until he left which started at 6.39pm he eventually left at 12.16am. There was plenty of messages and 1phone call which is what pushed him to leave i think because I threatened to ring the police. This morning I've allowed him to come and use the bathroom and get ready then he's off out so I can get ready and go meet him to talk. And see where it goes from there

Oh dear, you are being used for somewhere to live and for free babysitting

Agree.

Plus someone to do housework, cooking, admin etc.

You're doing the right thing @M2p

omg, hes such a pisstaker.
Tell him "there were 4 people in the house, and none of them are my fucking problem" and to find another mug.

He’s going to desperately try changing tatic today
he wants that free home and free babysitting badly

@M2p

Stay strong OP.

Ending it will allow you to move on and build a life where you're not somebody's skivvy.

You've got a much brighter future ahead of you once you close this chapter.

If he can read, he can cook. He doesn’t want to cook, and because he has managed to find a series of women who will cook for him, he doesn’t need to cook. Having a penis does not make a person incapable of cooking.

I know this is tough but this man is going to play on your every emotion to allow him and his children into your home.
He is disgraceful.
He has treated you and your home with utter contempt.
If you let him back in, he will see it as a weakness and his poor behaviour will continue.

Try and sit outside yourself later when you talk to him. Try to look at him and listen to what he’s saying from a stranger’s perspective. He has everything to lose today and he will throw anything at it to find your weak spot. Listen to the MEANING of the words, not just what he says. What is he offering YOU?

If he wants to be with you he will come up with a plan that doesn’t involve living in your house. Listen carefully.

You need to stay strong OP, because this man is now going to use all his powers of persuasion to stay in your house, where you do all the cooking, cleaning and childcare for HIS children because that is so much easier for him than actually being a responsible grown up and parent and doing it himself.

You can agree to continue dating him if you like, but he and his DC need to live separately from you and you can see him in his child-free time. But I bet he has zero interest in doing that, and that will be very telling as to how he sees your relationship.

In his mind, you are the provider of services he would otherwise have to pay for; cooking, cleaning, sex, childcare. I doubt very much that he’s actually interested in a relationship where he has to woo you, take you on dates, spend time in your company just enjoying life together if you are not freely providing the services he wants.

I think the environment of a nuclear family is always a difficult one to navigate, but rest assured that a new normal will emerge, you just have to give it time. I do question if your P is happy to see this behaviour, and doesn't try to correct it, or speak to SC??

It sounds like you are, but please do meet him in a public place.

Also please remember you're not obliged to engage with everything he wants to talk about.

If you want the relationship to end you are within your rights to walk away, and let him know you'll be in touch to arrange a time for him to collect his stuff/a friend of yours to drop it off.

I can imagine he will try and be very manipulative today. Pp advice is good, try and imagine you are someone else (maybe a good friend of yours) listening to what he's saying.

Stay strong OP - you know this isn’t a good relationship otherwise you wouldn’t have posted. He doesn’t have your back with his kids and it really sounds like he’s using you for lodgings, housekeeping and childcare etc.
Don’t undervalue yourself, you can do so much better than this - he’s not going to change, you’ll just be going through this cycle again and again.

You did so well last night, please don’t get sucked back in by whatever he has to say today. All of it will be backtracking because he realises he has pushed you too far and he’s about to lose his cushty set up.

Remember he moved into your house, he’s put your expenses up so much you can’t afford to go away, he lets you work your job then come home to do all the cooking and cleaning for him and his children while he sits and does jack shit, he pisses off out and leaves you to watch his children who understandably have been caught up in the middle of his cocklodging… there are no benefits to you in this relationship!

He will try to guilt trip you; he has nowhere to go, you’ll be lonely, his kids will miss you… whatever he has to say it is just to keep his feet under the table. You can do so much better than this, tell him it’s over, his accommodation and childcare issues are not yours to solve, bag his stuff and change the locks today. If you give him an inch he will take a mile, no compromises, he goes today. If he wants to continue to date you he can do it from his own house. I’m not sure how interested he will be without all the freebies. Time will tell I suppose. Good luck!

What do you need to talk about?

I mean you know ( we all know.!) what he is going to say

i am so sorry
Things are going to change
I didn’t mean it
Things are going to change
everything got on top of me lately and I have taken it out on you
things are going to change
Iwill do more stuff around the house, tell me what you want me to do
things are going to change
i will make sure the children treat you with respect
things are going to change

etc.

But what are YOU going to say that you haven’t already said to him. You know he is going to try to worm his way back in - you have already let him in to use the bathroom ffs - you really need to stand firm, because he thinks he can say jump and you will.

Just remember, if he wanted to change, if he wanted to be an equal partner, if he wanted to love and support you, if he wanted to see his children treat you with respect, if he wanted more than a cooked meal every night, sex on tap, his washing done and a place to bring his children when he is forced to parent because otherwise he would have to pay out for child support, if he wanted these things he would have changed already.

OP, ask him what is in this relationship for you. I asked my H that a while back and he couldn't really answer. It was telling. We've separated now.

Good luck 🤞