Page 17 | So many problems with SC

M2p · 2025-04-11T08:24:13+00:00

I have been a SM for about a year, SS 12 SD 9 yet I feel like this is just getting worse as it goes along. At first yes it wasn't too bad, meeting them starting to get to know them but as time has gone on I've found myself separating myself from the situation trying to keep busy when their here. So they are very fussy eaters, will never try anything new and if I cook something ive made before that I know they like sometimes they say they don't like it and won't eat. If I don't have dinner done at a certain time all hell breaks loose and it's like I'm starving them to death but they never moan to me about it they go to their dad. They ignore me, even when my P is around, they will ask him questions to ask me. It's even worse when he's not in the house which is a fair bit as he works and he leaves them with me multiple times in the week, i will ask if their hungry and they will just say no all the time, but as soon as my P comes home the first thing they will say is their hungry and haven't ate like I've done it on purpose. Also SD stares at me all the time i can see her out of the corner of my eye. Sometimes she will just stand with her head poking round the door while im doing something it makes me so uncomfortable. These are just the main things there is also little other things that goes on aswell, has anyone ever experienced anything like this before?

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Festivespirit85 · 12/04/2025 23:24

M2p · 12/04/2025 17:53

So as everyone knows I'm out, I've just had a phone call asking if I'm eating out. I said yes and i said there might be things in the freezer cut things short he ened it saying 'you do know there's f'ing 4 of us in the house' and put the phone down. Messaged me not to talk to him at all tonight and we will speak tomorrow

I tell you what, you're a better, calmer person than me because I would have flew back home and kicked the lot of them out. I would not have a cocklodger talking to me like that while living in my home.

Ownedbykitties · 12/04/2025 23:26

Crazyworldmum · 12/04/2025 21:21

This is the adults fault including yours . You need to make rules and keep rules . Feed them at certain times , if they are not hungry then they go without . If they moan to dad then dad should be supporting you .
Have you tried to make a connection with them at all ? When my step kids come to ours I make them feel very welcome but the same rules I have for my kids I apply to them and there is no way their dad wouldn’t have my back . You are a team, your partner needs to make sure his kids respect you .

They are his kids and he goes out when they are there and leaves OP to childmind. It's him who's the problem.

Horses7 · 12/04/2025 23:32

You can have a better life than this and need to make some decisions that are in your best interest.
He’s treating you and his children badly and he’s not going to change even if he says he will. He’s allowing his kids to treat you poorly because he does too.
Don’t put up with their surly behaviour- tell him to take them home.
He’s got a housekeeper and a nanny and he’s happy but he’s not considering your feelings at all. He is not a catch.
He should move out to give you space to see if this is what you want.

Nanny0gg · 12/04/2025 23:35

M2p · 12/04/2025 19:05

Sorry I haven't really read the replies, it's been back and forth with he same old messages. Apparently he needs to talk to me about other things too.. it's escalated he threatened to take the kids home and sleep in his car in one message but after his last message (as i was asking what was the other things) ...Tbh I don't give a fuck what you want right now I'll do what's best for the kids and me stop pushing me im begging you
I told him to take them home and we talk tomorrow
This is his reply..
Nice,I think we've got some problems going on that I want to calm down and talk about but you'd rather argue and split up,I think you should think it through a bit

I hope he's gone when you get home

If he's there he can sleep in the garden

Nanny0gg · 12/04/2025 23:36

Crazyworldmum · 12/04/2025 21:21

This is the adults fault including yours . You need to make rules and keep rules . Feed them at certain times , if they are not hungry then they go without . If they moan to dad then dad should be supporting you .
Have you tried to make a connection with them at all ? When my step kids come to ours I make them feel very welcome but the same rules I have for my kids I apply to them and there is no way their dad wouldn’t have my back . You are a team, your partner needs to make sure his kids respect you .

You haven't read the thread, have you?

Trashpalace · 12/04/2025 23:37

Sparsely · 12/04/2025 20:02

I'd go further with analysis of that message:

"Nice," sarcasm - he appears to hold you in contempt
" calm down" patronising, belittling your feelings by suggesting they are not justified and out of proportion to the situation
"I think you should think it through a bit" arrogance, somehow he thinks the very presence of him is suitable recompense for being his housekeeper, chef and nanny for free

This is a good analysis.

Compare the intention behind these words to the attitude that underlies the behaviour of all abusive men, which is they feel Superior, believe they are Entitled and they are Adversarial.

daleylama · 13/04/2025 00:33

M2p · 11/04/2025 12:51

@Buttonsbuttons I actually don't think he's going to reply at all

Then you chase him up for an answer, as in , did you see my message, did you make other arrangements? Good luck, be strong! It gets easier every time!

daleylama · 13/04/2025 00:43

daleylama · 13/04/2025 00:33

Then you chase him up for an answer, as in , did you see my message, did you make other arrangements? Good luck, be strong! It gets easier every time!

Edited

Show quote history

Sorry, ignore. I'm behind. Hope you've thrown him out by now.

Northerngirl821 · 13/04/2025 01:11

Another one hoping this abusive cocklodger is out of your life asap.

TimeConsuming · 13/04/2025 01:59

M2p · 12/04/2025 19:05

Sorry I haven't really read the replies, it's been back and forth with he same old messages. Apparently he needs to talk to me about other things too.. it's escalated he threatened to take the kids home and sleep in his car in one message but after his last message (as i was asking what was the other things) ...Tbh I don't give a fuck what you want right now I'll do what's best for the kids and me stop pushing me im begging you
I told him to take them home and we talk tomorrow
This is his reply..
Nice,I think we've got some problems going on that I want to calm down and talk about but you'd rather argue and split up,I think you should think it through a bit

Hoping the silence means you’re dealing with him IRL and that you have someone with you to ensure you’re safe and supported.

Bigpakchoi · 13/04/2025 03:17

OP, what does this P contribute to your life?

He was a homeless guy in need of a home to bring his kids too each week, these children make you uncomfortable in your own home and worse you provide free cleaner, cook and nanny services!

Your P has taken you for granted and now you are putting your foot down he is backtracking as he does not want to lose his free home all inclusive cleaner cook and nanny servicing.

That is why he wants to talk and worried you will split up with him! Free yourself and find a DP who actually cares for you and not looking for a cleaner cook and nanny for his kids and free board and logging for them. He does not contribute to your life.

You deserve better- to be free each day to enjoy your home in peace, go out with friends, hobbies do what pleases you without being burdened and tied down with childcare and cooking commitments HE should be fulfilling for his children. They are his responsibility.

Edited to add: if he threatens to walk away, sleep in his car with kids - let him and change the locks!!

Fi970 · 13/04/2025 05:10

Fuck being used as an unpaid nanny to kids who stare me out to the point it makes me feel uncomfortable and play mind games with me (with the acting as if you haven’t offered them food) in my own home.

All three of them would be gone if it was me OP.

Muffinmam · 13/04/2025 05:13

M2p · 11/04/2025 09:55

@Tiswahe's moved in with me, i don't know what maintenance he is paying

He needs to move back out!! He’s using you!!

Muffinmam · 13/04/2025 05:22

M2p · 12/04/2025 19:05

Sorry I haven't really read the replies, it's been back and forth with he same old messages. Apparently he needs to talk to me about other things too.. it's escalated he threatened to take the kids home and sleep in his car in one message but after his last message (as i was asking what was the other things) ...Tbh I don't give a fuck what you want right now I'll do what's best for the kids and me stop pushing me im begging you
I told him to take them home and we talk tomorrow
This is his reply..
Nice,I think we've got some problems going on that I want to calm down and talk about but you'd rather argue and split up,I think you should think it through a bit

Have you ended this relationship yet?

This guy does nothing around the house and expects you to be grateful for babysitting HIS kids.

2021x · 13/04/2025 05:52

Please kick this man out. He is just using fear to make you do what he wants.

You deserve a lot better. Maybe take a year off from men and get yourself into a good routine before you start up with him again.

arcticpandas · 13/04/2025 06:11

Apparantly he's astonished that his slave housekeeper/cook/nanny has the audacity to not obey his orders. I'm so happy you came on here OP so that you could get a reality check and support. He's a vile abuser and the sooner you're rid of him the better. Next time don't let man move in straight from the marital home because you will never be sure whether he's just looking for a place to live. This one wasn't satisfied with just housing though, he thought he was a fucking prince who should be catered to in all ways.

TheTavern · 13/04/2025 06:27

I think all these posts will help you to realise that he is the problem, not you. You are not to allow yourself to continue to be the unpaid cook, cleaner, organiser and provider of all. Please stand up for yourself.

TheSeventh · 13/04/2025 06:40

You have to stop allowing people to walk all over you, you're worth more than that.

TimeForATerf · 13/04/2025 07:10

JFC, the script, the script. He’s now blaming you, you’re to blame for everything wrong, he needs to calm down because you’ve made him angry, you’re selfish, all he cares about is his kids’ welfare.

Hopefully, you’ll give him his marching orders. Of course then he will get all sorry, let’s work it out, I was only angry because you were so selfish, but I’ll forgive you…..in return for you staying silent and carrying on being the free nanny, home maker, finance provider.

I am so angry for you OP, you deserve so much better.

GrandmasCat · 13/04/2025 07:34

Jesus Op! I hope you are safe! He is really taking the piss and feels very entitled to treat you as his servant.

I pretty much hope his kids are back at their mum and hopefully he’s too. You so DON’T need this!

chaosmaker · 13/04/2025 07:45

@M2p Just go out with someone without kids next time, easier!

Xsunshinelollipopsx · 13/04/2025 08:00

M2p · 12/04/2025 19:05

Sorry I haven't really read the replies, it's been back and forth with he same old messages. Apparently he needs to talk to me about other things too.. it's escalated he threatened to take the kids home and sleep in his car in one message but after his last message (as i was asking what was the other things) ...Tbh I don't give a fuck what you want right now I'll do what's best for the kids and me stop pushing me im begging you
I told him to take them home and we talk tomorrow
This is his reply..
Nice,I think we've got some problems going on that I want to calm down and talk about but you'd rather argue and split up,I think you should think it through a bit

Hi, I hope you are ok this morning.

Stay strong in all this.

Can you give us a check back to know you’re ok, I actually went to sleep worried about you last night. ❤️

Apreslapluielesoleil · 13/04/2025 08:07

M2p · 12/04/2025 19:05

Sorry I haven't really read the replies, it's been back and forth with he same old messages. Apparently he needs to talk to me about other things too.. it's escalated he threatened to take the kids home and sleep in his car in one message but after his last message (as i was asking what was the other things) ...Tbh I don't give a fuck what you want right now I'll do what's best for the kids and me stop pushing me im begging you
I told him to take them home and we talk tomorrow
This is his reply..
Nice,I think we've got some problems going on that I want to calm down and talk about but you'd rather argue and split up,I think you should think it through a bit

Oh the old inventing problems he’s having to deal with!
That’s a common one to guilt trip you.
If you can bag up his stuff and put it by the door, just tell him it’s best he moves out and leaves his key.
Honestly OP it’s for the best. You sound like a lovely person who’s done your best but you can’t live like this —- you’re an unpaid servant to him.

user1492757084 · 13/04/2025 08:11

I feel worried for you too.
Your P should be thanking you for all you have done.

His children are very rude, he should have been insisting that they speak politely to you..

Your partner, if he had been respectful, would have asked you how you are most comfortable with organising meals etc when the kids are there. Your system and lifestyle should not have changed much.

If you offered to cook a meal or two for you all on some set days, he should have been thankful and his children should have thanked you and treated you like the generous person that you are. He should have been cooking for his children (doing their laundry etc) at all other times.

BlueFlowers5 · 13/04/2025 08:12

That's an old trick sorry OP, getting your new girlfriend to all your childcare.

I would move out get back to not being his nursemaid for his children.