So many problems with SC

[M2p]

I have been a SM for about a year, SS 12 SD 9 yet I feel like this is just getting worse as it goes along.
At first yes it wasn't too bad, meeting them starting to get to know them but as time has gone on I've found myself separating myself from the situation trying to keep busy when their here. So they are very fussy eaters, will never try anything new and if I cook something ive made before that I know they like sometimes they say they don't like it and won't eat. If I don't have dinner done at a certain time all hell breaks loose and it's like I'm starving them to death but they never moan to me about it they go to their dad. They ignore me, even when my P is around, they will ask him questions to ask me. It's even worse when he's not in the house which is a fair bit as he works and he leaves them with me multiple times in the week, i will ask if their hungry and they will just say no all the time, but as soon as my P comes home the first thing they will say is their hungry and haven't ate like I've done it on purpose. Also SD stares at me all the time i can see her out of the corner of my eye. Sometimes she will just stand with her head poking round the door while im doing something it makes me so uncomfortable. These are just the main things there is also little other things that goes on aswell, has anyone ever experienced anything like this before?

The audacity of the substandard man is spectacular.

This one needs to be let go. Run free substandard man, run free...

There are any number of reasons why women put up with this shit, even when they hold the cards. To name a few:

FOG: Fear, obligation, guilt.

Low self esteem: Believes this is all she deserves.

People pleaser: Does not want to be the bad person/cannot cope with the thought of being bad mouthed or even thought of badly.

Brought up to believe she is inherently bad, and therefore believes the nuggets of niceness men like this piece of shit give her are actual gold nuggets that she barely deserves.

Misguided sense of responsibility for this foul man and his children: feels guilty that she is in a better position in life than him and is trying to "make it up" to him.

Sunken costs fallacy: ie, has spent X amount of years on this relationship, so feels she can't abandon it/can't face the thought she's wasted that time.

She genuinely loves him: who knows why, but love is sometimes not logical, and feels like if she could just find the key to make things better/change him, then it will all be perfect (it's never going to happen).

All of the above or something else?

Do you have any childrn yourself or were you hoping to with this guy - if so he has wasted 3 years of your precious and finite fertility. Do not have a baby with this man - because he is a shit person, dad and partner - and if you think his Dc are grim now wait for the teenage years - it would be a hellish environment to raise a baby.

He sounds so utterly awful, abusive and manipulative. You definitely need to tell him to leave and break up with him for good.

I want to calm down and talk about but you'd rather argue and split up,I think you should think it through a bit

from that part of his message it sounds like he is back peddling fast now, possibly realising he has pushed it too far. Strike while it's hot, throw him out before he sucks you in again.

He knows he’s gone too far and is going to lose a sweet deal if he doesn’t back peddle. Only you know if you’re willing to go through this cycle of disrespect again and again

Also he has likely love bombed and future faked her.....giving her just enough crumbs for hope whilst he very slowly and incrementally exploits her.

Highly manipulative, disingenuous, selfish and self serving prick.

Nice,I think we've got some problems going on that I want to calm down and talk about but you'd rather argue and split up,I think you should think it through a bit

They are just soooo predictable aren't they. Of course it's nothing to do with him or his kids, you're just being unreasonable.

My reply would be 'I've been thinking this through for a lot longer than you realise. Goodbye.'

Apologies if you’ve answered this elsewhere but were you the ‘other woman’ ? Kind of inevitable if so and part of the price we pay so should suck it up. Otherwise is there a chance you could chat to their mum and be ever so nice to her- that usually makes all the difference when this happens. It’s very often the kids feeing they want to ‘protect’ or defend their mum in some way. So act like you’re the opposite of any threat/problem to her. It seems to remove big relational barriers in the kids minds then. Much nicer for you.

OP is there anywhere you could stay tonight?? You've said he has a temper and it sounds like he is now backpedalling on his threat to leave and is angry to realise you may be ready to call him out on being shitty.

It's definitely time to call it a day. He won't change, he's an absolute lazy, horrible chancer and you deserve a million times better.

But do stay safe and be mindful that he may lose control of his temper if he realises that you're done.

Nice,I think we've got some problems going on that I want to calm down and talk about but you'd rather argue and split up,I think you should think it through a bit

Actually translates to...
"M2p......You pissed off out this morning when you knew I wanted to go out, and worse still left me alone to look after my own DC.

You returned home to charge your phone then had the cheek to f-off out again, didn't stop to think we might need feeding or my DC might need entertaining.
You're utterly selfish.

You've had your fun... this isn't what I moved in for stop pissing about, it really is time you got yourself home and cooked our dinner".

Hang in there OP, you've made a stand and he really doesn't like it that you actually made a decision and stuck to it.

He really doesn't want you to make a habit of going out while his DC need looking after and just wants to let you know.
He doesn't like it that you went against him and doesn't want to talk carmly.
He is now trying to manipulate you into thinking you were in the wrong.

I am so sorry you're in this position. It must be very stressful, especially as you say you don't like conflict. Few of us do.

I agree - stay somewhere else this evening if you can. And then in the morning go back with someone else with you, preferably male but female is fine. Change those locks and tell him to leave immediately. No notice - he doesn't deserve it and you owe him nothing.

I'd go further with analysis of that message:

"Nice," sarcasm - he appears to hold you in contempt
" calm down" patronising, belittling your feelings by suggesting they are not justified and out of proportion to the situation
"I think you should think it through a bit" arrogance, somehow he thinks the very presence of him is suitable recompense for being his housekeeper, chef and nanny for free

Nothing in all of this situation is fair. Especially not for the kids…

I agree with you tbh.

This.

Ah. Wow. Hmmm.

He has landed with his feet under the table hasn’t he. I think if you want the relationship to continue ( and many wouldn’t given the way he is using you for free childcare for his poor kids) then I think you tell him you would like him to move out so that you can continue to grow your relationship without also having to deal with his kids, because atm that isn’t working.

I suspect you won’t see him for dust as he sets off to find another single woman with own home and enough bedrooms for him to dump his kids in relationship..

@M2p so complete lack of interest in you other than as his servant. Wow. At least you know. I would say there is nothing to sort out - I’d be changing the locks when he leaves to return the kids and tell him he can pick up his stuff at an arranged time.

Typical Cocklodger

I'd go home and kick them all out right now - be prepared to ring the Police.

He is in YOUR property - how much damage could he do when he realises he's being kicked off the gravy train........

Just read through all your updates @M2p , he sounds a really nasty man, dioesnt respect you, doesn’t care about his kids wellbeing, leeching off his ex.

I honestly don’t think it is worth talking about your relationship with him, just end it . Ask him to pack up take any stuff that belongs to him and the kids and give you back your keys tomorrow.

He is gaslighting you. His view is you are not entitled to an opinion so therefore you are the problem. The audacity to suggest that you should rethink arguing with him is astounding. For the love of God, do yourself a massive favour and cut him loose. I'm fast starting to understand why he is separated from his children's mother. You are worth well more than this. This is your home you have worked hard to achieve. Life is too short to deal with a bloke who has delusions of mediocrity. Big hugs from a stranger on the Internet x

@M2p, I just wanted to check you're ok. I've read all of your posts (and about half of the pp's). It sounds like you know what you want to do, but it's difficult when you struggle with conflict.

The kids don't dislike you, they just don't like the situation they are in, which is understandable but it's not your fault.

Be strong, you can do it. 🫠 💐

Agree with a lot of the advice previously given, he is using you and you need to get out, you already know this.

What’s interesting is that you thought about going back to cook the dinner. I think you need to ask yourself why you both felt the 12 year old could fend for himself when you were both out, but when his Dad came back you felt you needed to go and fend for them both?

That as well as his reaction phoning you up and hurling abuse for leaving the responsibility to him. The 12 year old should be able to cook a basic meal, ask yourself why his Dad isn’t embarrassed that he can’t do the same and then blamed you for his shortcomings and laziness.

And all in your own home, it’s not good enough.

Please reach out to your network and seek formal advice too.

He’s vile, very unpleasant and a bully.

Do you realise that if you continue this relationship and split up down the line he takes your home because of the kids? Run away, fast

God, he's such an entitled, rude, ungrateful cunt. How dare he speak to you like that. Tell him that you do want to split up and there is nothing to talk about. He and his children treat you with such disrespect in your own home. The sooner they are all gone, the better.