So many problems with SC

[M2p]

I have been a SM for about a year, SS 12 SD 9 yet I feel like this is just getting worse as it goes along.
At first yes it wasn't too bad, meeting them starting to get to know them but as time has gone on I've found myself separating myself from the situation trying to keep busy when their here. So they are very fussy eaters, will never try anything new and if I cook something ive made before that I know they like sometimes they say they don't like it and won't eat. If I don't have dinner done at a certain time all hell breaks loose and it's like I'm starving them to death but they never moan to me about it they go to their dad. They ignore me, even when my P is around, they will ask him questions to ask me. It's even worse when he's not in the house which is a fair bit as he works and he leaves them with me multiple times in the week, i will ask if their hungry and they will just say no all the time, but as soon as my P comes home the first thing they will say is their hungry and haven't ate like I've done it on purpose. Also SD stares at me all the time i can see her out of the corner of my eye. Sometimes she will just stand with her head poking round the door while im doing something it makes me so uncomfortable. These are just the main things there is also little other things that goes on aswell, has anyone ever experienced anything like this before?

Text back saying it’s not up for debate. They need to leave your house right now.

He's threatening and bluffing to put you back in your place. Call his bluff tbh

I am cross on your behalf OP. And I'm sorry you're in this situation. What a shit.

I bet he wants to “calm down and talk about” these problems (willing to bet they involve you not babysitting his son today) rather than split up, because he knows he’s about to lose his Cauchy number! These men are so shameless, how do they get to this point??

Do this. He is backtracking and DARVO-ing you with it, making out it’s you whose ending things. He’s trying to manipulate you and you’re not having it, so he’s turning it on you and rewinding what he’s said.

It’s actually laughable. He needs to get the fuck out of your house. Now.

I think I’d stop reading and replying to his messages.

Talk to your friend and work out a plan of how and when to communicate to him that his time is up, and he either leaves under his own steam or you will pack his things for him.

I wouldn’t do it while the children are in the house. Possibly when you know they’re back with their mother, text him then and tell him he is not welcome in your home and all you need is an address for his things to be delivered.

Don’t engage with him on any other issue. Nothing he says can make his past behaviour better — and he’ll probably try to blame you instead of taking responsibility anyway — and his future behaviour will be the same.

Allow yourself peace in your own home and a chance to build a life you enjoy.

good luck.

He's telling you to question your decision so he doesn't lose his comfortable life. You are so wrong to not appreciate him and his kids.
Sod him.
Tell him his suggestion (@ time of message) is the right one. He needs to take the kids home & sleep in his car. If he leaves now they can be home in time for bed.
You will arrange a time at your convenience for him to collect his stuff.

Oh my goodness.

how is he not embarrassed to say that?!?

on what planet is swearing at you that you haven’t cooked for his children a sane thing to do?!?

how can either of you think it’s normal?

how old is he op? Has he never cooked for himself or his children ever?

that to me is only slightly above shouting at you that you haven’t wiped his arse for him.

you need to finish with him, obviously., but going forward and more importantly do some real soul searching - friends, family, reading, counselling - as to how you have let yourself be treated like a slave as if it’s a totally normal healthy relationship. Your initial post was about the step children, and it clearly hasn’t even crossed your mind that your arsehole partner was the whole problem. You need to really think about how that happened and to protect yourself from it happening again.

You’ve already thought it through though, haven’t you?

He’s not offering you anything but more grief in those messages.

He wanted you to be like please no, I’ll come home and be a skivvy and revolve my life around you. But it backfired on him! Don’t lose your nerve op, don’t let him twist it. Who cares what the other things are, he will probably make them up as he goes

Crikey he’s got a brass neck - telling you to think it through as if he’s the catch of the century! Do not let him gaslight you into thinking you’ve been anything except reasonable for a long time. The reality is that he’s taken advantage of your good nature, your home and your time. Stick to your guns @M2p get rid, move on, you deserve better.

There is nothing to talk about.

Dont give him the airspace, your time and your physical presence to:

1. Continue to verbally abuse and blame you.
2. Beg and talk you round.
3. A mix of the two until he gets his own way.

You dont need to be the punch bag or recepticle for his rage - take yourself out of punching distance. Dont put yourself through it.

Let him sleep in his car. Change the locks (you can do this yourself - youtube) and get a ring doorbell.

He has shown you he was a terrible co-parent with his ex, a shit parent to his DCs and a shocking exploitative and verbally abusive boyfriend to you once he got his feet in your door.

There is zero point discussing this with him - he will get even more aggressive and abuse you further. Protect yourself by taking this option away from him.

Keep talking to your friends and family. Assume he will get nasty and get plans in place.

I think him taking the kids home and sleeping in his car is pretty much the only sensible thing he has done/said throughout this thread.

I would have responded ‘great, make sure you take all your stuff with you too, I’ll be changing the locks’

That’s a great idea for him to take his kids home and sleep in the car . Tell him to right ahead.

How are you Op? You don't want to stay with him surely, it's so obvious he's using you.

Frankly OP splitting up is all benefit to you and all loss to him. Let him go. Be free

What would be the point in talking to him? Do you think he's suddenly going to feel guilty about making you into his domestic slave and reform?

Can he afford to rent somewhere and have his children stay there?

Please let him and his kids go as "threatened". He's a piece of shit and you can do better than being a skivvy and emotional punch bag for him and his children.

You don't need to give him any notice. He's not a tenant and makes no meaningful contribution. He needs removing like any other parasite.

You're me a couple of years ago OP, issues identical with SCs being left with me without my consent, being expected to do the heavy lifting of his parenting, guilt tripping. Except you have the advantage of no kids together and you own the house. You have all the power here, but I feel like you're not angry enough yet to do anything about it.

It's not a criticism, nobody could've persuaded me to leave my ex before I was ready to hear it, and they did try too. In the end it was not wanting my daughter to have that as a model for her future relationships that gave me the push to leave.

Please don't let it get to that point, he'll only have broken you down even more. He won't get better. And he'll just move straight onto the next service female, so don't feel bad or guilty about it.

The best thing you can do for those kids at this point is to show them that it's not acceptable to treat women as appliances and expect them to stick around.

Stay strong. I needed a few threads like this before I left.

What is there to talk about OP? You cannot possibly want to continue the relationship? You are being used, you know this. I am also starting to wonder about this thread tbh. I cannot understand why someone who basically holds all of the cards, as you do, would be still pandering to him - wanting to cook dinner and suggesting you talk tomorrow. It just sounds a bit....off. On the chance that this is real, he has said he's leaving so let him go. Change the locks and forget him. There really isn't anything to discuss. You know he will try to worm his way back into your life.

Take him up on his offer to take the kids home. He’s trying to make you feel guilty but there’s no bond between you and the kids so it’s fine. They won’t care if you’re not around and will continue the cycle that they had with you with their dad’s next victim.

He's turning nasty. If you don't like conflict, once he goes to work, stick your key in the lock on the inside the front door., text him to say it's over, and block him .

You're not even their stepmum. You're not married. And yet he's using you as unpaid childcare.

Oh the poor man.
He's losing his free childcare.

And the place where his meals are cooked and his washing is done.

Stay firm, OP. Let him go, then block him.

(BTW if you used the QUOTE button your thread would be easier to follow. It's the first button on the left under every post)