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Original poster

So many problems with SC

566 replies

M2p · 11/04/2025 09:24

I have been a SM for about a year, SS 12 SD 9 yet I feel like this is just getting worse as it goes along.
At first yes it wasn't too bad, meeting them starting to get to know them but as time has gone on I've found myself separating myself from the situation trying to keep busy when their here. So they are very fussy eaters, will never try anything new and if I cook something ive made before that I know they like sometimes they say they don't like it and won't eat. If I don't have dinner done at a certain time all hell breaks loose and it's like I'm starving them to death but they never moan to me about it they go to their dad. They ignore me, even when my P is around, they will ask him questions to ask me. It's even worse when he's not in the house which is a fair bit as he works and he leaves them with me multiple times in the week, i will ask if their hungry and they will just say no all the time, but as soon as my P comes home the first thing they will say is their hungry and haven't ate like I've done it on purpose. Also SD stares at me all the time i can see her out of the corner of my eye. Sometimes she will just stand with her head poking round the door while im doing something it makes me so uncomfortable. These are just the main things there is also little other things that goes on aswell, has anyone ever experienced anything like this before?

OP posts:
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MrsSunshine2b · 12/04/2025 18:28

He's moved into your house and is now using you as free childcare and housekeeping. Tell all 4 of them to get out.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 12/04/2025 18:33

' Yes that's 3 too many in my home, when your children leave tomorrow you can leave with them, let me know when you have all gone '

Mrsbloggz · 12/04/2025 18:34

bellocchild · 12/04/2025 18:22

The children are being deliberately manipulative. At the risk of being MN flamed, I would suggest that you play them at their own game. Cook their meals, and say "I know I'm not your mummy, but dinner's ready. If you don't want it, that's ok : we'll tell daddy and he can make you something." If SD persists in staring at you, stare back - make it a game. The first one to blink, loses, make a joke of it. That sort of thing.

No, dont do this, that would make you as bad and manipulative as he is OP.
He's using his own children to dominate & control you, holding them to ransom 'obey me or my children will suffer'.
I feel very sorry for his children as he obviously doesn't care too much about them. You shouldn't let him blackmail you OP, but you also shouldn't join in with him and use his children to punish him back, essentially you would be mocking them for having a father who doesnt care about them.

RawBloomers · 12/04/2025 18:35

M2p · 12/04/2025 17:53

So as everyone knows I'm out, I've just had a phone call asking if I'm eating out. I said yes and i said there might be things in the freezer cut things short he ened it saying 'you do know there's f'ing 4 of us in the house' and put the phone down. Messaged me not to talk to him at all tonight and we will speak tomorrow

Wow! That’s horrendous. I would be furious and inclined to message something like “If you aren’t prepared to talk to me and be nice to me in my own home, you can’t stay.”

Marieb19 · 12/04/2025 18:36

I feel for you. He has taken advantage and I can't see what positives this relationship has for you. I would be asking him to move out ASAP

Snorlaxo · 12/04/2025 18:40

Well done for going out.

When you speak to him tomorrow, make sure you have a list of your demands. I hope you take control and kick them all out but at a minimum you need to insist on he cooks when kids come
round (there’s LOADS of videos online with simple dishes even though many kids are happy with freezer food like pizza ) and no more solo stepparenting (he needs to be at home if the stepkids are at yours ) The kids don’t like you so it’s not good for anyone to have you in charge.
Finally you realising that this is a fucking mess. The kids don’t want a relationship - you are the cooking and cleaning person who lives with their dad.

laraitopbanana · 12/04/2025 18:41

Hi op,

dad shouldn’t go and leave you with kids. I mean except if there are issues with the mother but otherwise why on earth are you accepting this? He isn’t treating you as a stepmother and the children might just be mifted that dad left yet again?

a good boundary would be that you actually refuse to have them if he isn’t there. I would word it as that you feel the relationship with them needs to grow at pace with dad around and not expedite without him.

The rest is perfectly normal. Talk to your DP.

DuchessOfNarcissex · 12/04/2025 18:41

... saying 'you do know there's f'ing 4 of us in the house' and put the phone down. Messaged me not to talk to him at all tonight and we will speak tomorrow
Who do you think you are, @M2p ? Don't you know your place is in the kitchen or bedroom? What sort of nanny/housekeeper with a fanny goes out for the day? Poor man is having to parent his own chiidren ffs.

Kick the selfish arsehole out. He's using you.

CoffeeBeansGalore · 12/04/2025 18:42

M2p · 12/04/2025 17:53

So as everyone knows I'm out, I've just had a phone call asking if I'm eating out. I said yes and i said there might be things in the freezer cut things short he ened it saying 'you do know there's f'ing 4 of us in the house' and put the phone down. Messaged me not to talk to him at all tonight and we will speak tomorrow

How dare he. This is YOUR house.
Ignorant, arrogant twat.

BlueTitShark · 12/04/2025 18:45

M2p · 12/04/2025 17:53

So as everyone knows I'm out, I've just had a phone call asking if I'm eating out. I said yes and i said there might be things in the freezer cut things short he ened it saying 'you do know there's f'ing 4 of us in the house' and put the phone down. Messaged me not to talk to him at all tonight and we will speak tomorrow

Oh the nanny/maid is malfunctioning! Help!

Didn’t you tell him he is an adult and a father who is able to cook a meal too?

JJMama · 12/04/2025 18:47

M2p · 11/04/2025 09:55

@Tiswahe's moved in with me, i don't know what maintenance he is paying

Ah, the old cocklodger routine; moving in with women as he can’t support himself, and enforcing his children on her. No wonder the poor children behave this way, it’s not their fault their dad is shite. OP get out of this while you can…

Ethela · 12/04/2025 18:48

M2p · 12/04/2025 17:53

So as everyone knows I'm out, I've just had a phone call asking if I'm eating out. I said yes and i said there might be things in the freezer cut things short he ened it saying 'you do know there's f'ing 4 of us in the house' and put the phone down. Messaged me not to talk to him at all tonight and we will speak tomorrow

You said 'he has a bit of a temperature but wouldnt get aggressive'

He just did.

Move him out of your home asap.

You are living in a very hostile environment in your own home. The DC are treating you the way he believes is acceptable and the way he probably treats all women. He has role modelled that women are worthless.

This is a very unequal, disrespectful and exploitative relationship.

He targeted you and is cocklodging at your house - as this was a nice jump from 'the sofa' - he had lived on with his 'Ex' partner for the first 2 years of your relationship.

He now has you trained wiping his arse as well as singlehandedly feeding, parenting, managing his DCs.

Get him gone this weekend - who cares whose sofa he sleeps on next.

Wishing you luck.

laraitopbanana · 12/04/2025 18:48

RawBloomers · 12/04/2025 18:35

Wow! That’s horrendous. I would be furious and inclined to message something like “If you aren’t prepared to talk to me and be nice to me in my own home, you can’t stay.”

Show quote history

It is fair of him to deal with his emotions lol.
»I am really annoyed, don’t talk to me » isn’t an insult 😳

However, if he doesn’t change his attitude, he should pack his stuff.

thepariscrimefiles · 12/04/2025 18:49

bellocchild · 12/04/2025 18:22

The children are being deliberately manipulative. At the risk of being MN flamed, I would suggest that you play them at their own game. Cook their meals, and say "I know I'm not your mummy, but dinner's ready. If you don't want it, that's ok : we'll tell daddy and he can make you something." If SD persists in staring at you, stare back - make it a game. The first one to blink, loses, make a joke of it. That sort of thing.

OP shouldn't bother playing any games, she should end her relationship with her partner and throw them all out.

carchi · 12/04/2025 18:49

This situation is neither normal or healthy for any of you. Sadly the problems are pretty serious and would take a lot of time, effort and emotion to resolve (which maybe they can't anyway). Imagine if you tried to make a go of it and had a child of your own with this man I suspect things would get a million times worse. Depending on how much you love him and want to make it work will determine what you do next. Personally I would tell him to go and start a new more simpler and rewarding life.

thepariscrimefiles · 12/04/2025 18:52

M2p · 12/04/2025 17:53

So as everyone knows I'm out, I've just had a phone call asking if I'm eating out. I said yes and i said there might be things in the freezer cut things short he ened it saying 'you do know there's f'ing 4 of us in the house' and put the phone down. Messaged me not to talk to him at all tonight and we will speak tomorrow

I hope you are really angry now OP. How dare he talk to you like that for the crime of leaving him to make a meal for his own children.

You need to tell him that you will be talking to him tonight to tell him to leave and to take his kids with him.

He's such an entitled arsehole. This is your house, not his.

MostlyHappyMummy · 12/04/2025 18:55

If this isn't another fabricated thread then the only thing to be said is that people will treat you as you allow them to.
And you are allowing this

RawBloomers · 12/04/2025 18:55

laraitopbanana · 12/04/2025 18:48

It is fair of him to deal with his emotions lol.
»I am really annoyed, don’t talk to me » isn’t an insult 😳

However, if he doesn’t change his attitude, he should pack his stuff.

Show quote history

It’s not fair of him to be annoyed at OP for not being a nanny/housekeeper/cook though. I think my suggested response is a little hot headed, but there is nothing reasonable or fair about his actions.

chaosmaker · 12/04/2025 18:58

Are you safe telling him to get out, @M2p ? It sounds like he's angry you are not doing as he demands you do. Good luck chucking him and his baggage out.

Uricon2 · 12/04/2025 18:58

MostlyHappyMummy · 12/04/2025 18:55

If this isn't another fabricated thread then the only thing to be said is that people will treat you as you allow them to.
And you are allowing this

This. I take the view that in this kind of situation, where you actually hold all the cards, unless he's pointing a loaded gun at your head you are allowing him to treat you like dirt.

orangedream · 12/04/2025 18:59

His wife must have celebrated when you took him in and she was rid of him. You need to reclaim your house. You owe this user nothing. It's not your job to provide accomodation and meals for him and his children.

ttcat37 · 12/04/2025 19:02

@M2p What a spectacular prick your boyfriend is. I don’t think I’d be gracing him with a chat. I think I’d be texting him saying “I’m not your cook and housemaid. If you don’t like having to make one meal for you and YOUR children then I suggest you all pack your stuff and leave MY house. You’ve got until the morning”.

MistyMoistyMorningCloud · 12/04/2025 19:04

The fact he is getting pissed off about having to cook dinner for himself and his own children says a lot.

Bet he thought it was his exes job and he's seamlessly moved in with you and he sees it as your job.

He's never had to be responsible for his own children and it's time he was.

Original poster
M2p · 12/04/2025 19:05

Sorry I haven't really read the replies, it's been back and forth with he same old messages. Apparently he needs to talk to me about other things too.. it's escalated he threatened to take the kids home and sleep in his car in one message but after his last message (as i was asking what was the other things) ...Tbh I don't give a fuck what you want right now I'll do what's best for the kids and me stop pushing me im begging you
I told him to take them home and we talk tomorrow
This is his reply..
Nice,I think we've got some problems going on that I want to calm down and talk about but you'd rather argue and split up,I think you should think it through a bit

OP posts:
PorridgeEater · 12/04/2025 19:05

As others have said, this isn't really about problems with SC it's problems with their father (you called him P rather than DP). It's your house and you don't have to have them in it, or be their skivvy. You do really have to tell him you're not putting up with it any longer - would it help to have someone with you when you tell him? May seem hard but has to be done.