Active discussions

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

Original poster

So many problems with SC

566 replies

M2p · 11/04/2025 09:24

I have been a SM for about a year, SS 12 SD 9 yet I feel like this is just getting worse as it goes along.
At first yes it wasn't too bad, meeting them starting to get to know them but as time has gone on I've found myself separating myself from the situation trying to keep busy when their here. So they are very fussy eaters, will never try anything new and if I cook something ive made before that I know they like sometimes they say they don't like it and won't eat. If I don't have dinner done at a certain time all hell breaks loose and it's like I'm starving them to death but they never moan to me about it they go to their dad. They ignore me, even when my P is around, they will ask him questions to ask me. It's even worse when he's not in the house which is a fair bit as he works and he leaves them with me multiple times in the week, i will ask if their hungry and they will just say no all the time, but as soon as my P comes home the first thing they will say is their hungry and haven't ate like I've done it on purpose. Also SD stares at me all the time i can see her out of the corner of my eye. Sometimes she will just stand with her head poking round the door while im doing something it makes me so uncomfortable. These are just the main things there is also little other things that goes on aswell, has anyone ever experienced anything like this before?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
Namerequired · 12/04/2025 09:52

Stay out. Preferably overnight if possible. Come back tomorrow after the kids have left and have the conversation. Speak with your friend.

Namerequired · 12/04/2025 09:53

Or come back if you want but still don’t make dinner. Suit yourself. Keep repeating, this is not your responsibility…

spicemaiden · 12/04/2025 09:54

Your partner has gotten himself a manny and a house maid, much like my child’s father did.

They are his kids, he can sort child care. Put your foot down.

spicemaiden · 12/04/2025 09:56

Oh. And he’s got himself a house to live in.

FGS kick him out

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 12/04/2025 10:06

oh for goodness sake ! You are not really thinking about their dinner ?!!!

crumblingschools · 12/04/2025 10:09

Do not cook their dinner tonight, do not do any chores that involve them tomorrow. Look after yourself

SilverButton · 12/04/2025 10:21

Of course stay out! Have a lovely time with your friend.

Original poster
M2p · 12/04/2025 10:29

I'm going to stay out for as long i can unfortunately can't sleep over at my friends. So thinking of dropping my car back off at home later and go to the pub or something

OP posts:
BlueTitShark · 12/04/2025 10:32

If you can afford it, I’d find a cheap hotel to stay overnight.
And do NOT cook dinner etc…. tonight

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 12/04/2025 10:58

@M2p did your dp say why ss was coming and not sd??? think you really need to stop being the nanny with a fanny! dp is definitely using you for your house!

Original poster
M2p · 12/04/2025 11:04

@allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld SD had a friend round at her house

OP posts:
Ohnobackagain · 12/04/2025 11:06

M2p · 11/04/2025 11:43

@MounjaroOnMyMind to be honest one of my friend has told me I can go stop in her caravan whenever I want too but I just haven't got the money too go otherwise I would be straight there

He can go in the caravan @M2p and he can pay her rent. Reclaim your house, change the locks.

Ohnobackagain · 12/04/2025 11:09

Also I get you don’t want a big row but why are you even thinking of being his housekeeper
and doing his dinner @M2p ?

Original poster
M2p · 12/04/2025 11:16

@Ohnobackagain because he will have to go out to get frozen stuff to cook when there's already stuff in that i was going to cook

OP posts:
MurdoMunro · 12/04/2025 11:17

So?

Ohnobackagain · 12/04/2025 11:19

M2p · 12/04/2025 11:16

@Ohnobackagain because he will have to go out to get frozen stuff to cook when there's already stuff in that i was going to cook

He can cook what’s there or sort himself out - he’s a grown adult. Unless I missed you saying he pays you to housekeep? No, just no.

BlueTitShark · 12/04/2025 11:22

M2p · 12/04/2025 11:16

@Ohnobackagain because he will have to go out to get frozen stuff to cook when there's already stuff in that i was going to cook

That doesn’t matter.
hell cook whatever he wants. If he prefers to spend money on frozen stuff so be it. Hes clearly too used to have women running around him to cook for him.

Tiswa · 12/04/2025 11:26

M2p · 12/04/2025 11:16

@Ohnobackagain because he will have to go out to get frozen stuff to cook when there's already stuff in that i was going to cook

No he doesn’t. He is a grown man which a job who has children. He can cook a meal. Of course he can cooking an edible meal isn’t hard to do.

He doesn’t want to be bothered and why would he he has you to do and pay for ecerything

whst does he bring you?

arethereanyleftatall · 12/04/2025 12:43

The fact that you are thinking about his dinner shows what a people pleaser you are op, and why he no doubt love bombed you at the beginning.

stay out if you want to.

stay out if you don’t have it in you to go home and not cook them dinner, just go in the bath or something instead.

but if you have it in you to go home, be perfectly pleasant to them, and then go in the bath or whatever but absolutely not cook them dinner, then then do that.

as soon as his son has gone, I would give him notice. You can still choose whether you date him or not, though note women with healthy amounts of self respect wouldn’t touch him with a barge pole.

crumblingschools · 12/04/2025 12:47

He is a dad, he should be able to cook for his children. Think of the example he is currently giving his children

Mrsbloggz · 12/04/2025 13:12

M2p · 11/04/2025 19:14

@TappyGilmore I do feel so bad for them and I've tried my best to get some sort of connection with them but it's not happening

I think it's likely that this lack of connection is at least partly due to your partner, he will want to make sure that his children are only loyal to him. He doesn't want you to enjoy their company or have the benefit of their loyalty and affection he just wants you to be a slave for him and his offspring.
How to put it another way, you do all the work and he keeps all the benefits for himself.

jumpintheline · 12/04/2025 13:29

M2p · 12/04/2025 08:50

Thing is now after all that's been posted on here I don't know wether to do dinner tonight or not cause they will expect it. Do you think just should get back in time and make it like i normally would or try and stay out?

Stay out of course, but love you need to get them out your house! And change the locks.

Calliopespa · 12/04/2025 14:13

I think op if you find conflict hard it’s better to just stay out.

rainbowstardrops · 12/04/2025 14:17

M2p · 12/04/2025 11:16

@Ohnobackagain because he will have to go out to get frozen stuff to cook when there's already stuff in that i was going to cook

And? Why is that your problem? Or indeed anything that you need to be thinking about?

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 12/04/2025 14:48

@M2p because he will have to go out to get frozen stuff to cook when there's already stuff in that i was going to cook for goodness sake! you are not the chef in the house who is there for his and his childrens' benefit!!! let him do it for a change. that is food which you have bought!! the food you bought for tonight can be eaten tomorrow when they have gone home. frozen will be fine!!! btw does his ex find it too difficult to look after 3 children at a time given that the boy is mature enough to look after himself!!