You’re not their mum

[MellowPinkDeer]

That’s the response I got when I enquired as to if there was a card from my two teen stepdaughters. We’ve only been married two years and together for five. I’m only expected to do all their washing and to cook all their dinners and to pay for their holidays, when I pointed out to my husband that he sends another person a Mother’s Day card that isn’t his mum he said ‘ they have been around a lot longer than you’

so that sums up how step mums are viewed doesn’t it … you have to treat them like your own or your’re a nasty step monster … but when it comes down to buying a card. Nope forget it. You’re not important, you’ve not earned it yet!

( don’t know why his response has upset me so much ffs. He’s always asking ME to make more effort, but they make ZERO)

Your MUM organised your presents from your kids. Not your husband, who actually lives with them.

Again, you have a husband problem.

But kindly, you're not their mum. And it's not a day typically known as "thanks those who do caring for you", it's quite clearly mother's day. They don't see you as their mother and by your account they don't talk to you much or seem to have a particularly good relationship with you.
Frankly it would seem a bit wierd in that context for them to buy a mother's day card. I'd feel wierd if my ex took my kids to the shop to buy a mothers day card for their step mum. She's a nice person, they get on well with her but for me that would overstep a boundary in a wierd way.
It sounds like you had a nice day with your DC though so I'm glad

Not sure tbh. Last year I helped them make flower arrangements for her and their nan. But they are not here this weekend.

at least once in the week and every other weekend

Again you’re missing the point. If they want a relationship with their dad they are forced to accept the new set up. The blended family. You’re buzzing about doing their chores and gaily paying for their holidays because “everyone is treated the same”. You want the fairytale you imagined but this isn’t their fairytale is it? It’s what they are forced to accept if they want a dad.

Why are you paying for these sullen children to go on holiday? Is your husband actually contributing anything to the household financially?

Do your children have a step mum?

He isn’t their dad. To be clear.

To keep the peace?

in fact this year I am not and the result is they are not coming but not sure my husband is either!

No they don’t

Haha, you’re joking now yes?

have they ever given you a Mother’s Day card?

Erm… 🫤

No

You should be angry at your partner. It’s unreasonable to expect them to be grateful for the cooking and cleaning etc They don’t care who does it and will see it as adult jobs anyway. The kids are taking their lead from their dad who should be showing his gratitude for your effort but you’re just the maid and ATM who makes holidays cheaper. Wake up to the fact that he doesn’t appreciate your efforts and stop bothering. If doing all that you do results in no gratitude, you might as well do nothing and get no gratitude.

i wonder how you’d feel if they got her Mother’s Day card

I’m going to guess you and their mother don’t get on

You sound like you have a crap marriage. So you pay for all their holidays, because their father won't, but moans about you going without him and the kids he won't pay for.

Does he make any financial contribution to the household?

So why the hissy this year?

No. He is my kids step dad. As I said earlier ; they give him a card and gift on Father’s Day

This

Yes of course he does. But I have more disposable income

entirely of their own accord?

Why are you with these horrible people and why are you inflicting them on your children??

Mine are younger so I asked them if they wanted to. They said yes. So I got them a card and a gift to give him.

These girls didn’t know you 5 years ago

They have never got you a Mother’s Day card before

You and their mother are not on friendly terms I’m guessing so no doubt even if they wanted to, it would be difficult for them to celebrate Mother’s Day for you

You had a lovely day today and were treated by your own kids

good grief