DP wants my teenager to contribute for food

[Anuta77]

I have a 16 year old son who was abandonned by his father (no maintenance) et lives with me full time. He recently started working, a few hours Saturday and Sunday on minimum salary.
My DP has 2 adult children (18, 22 and 24) for whom he still pays maintenance. The 18 year old still visits us EOW.
We have a 7 year old together.

We have a common account where we contribute 50-50 and the common expenses come out from there, so my DP considers that he pays for my son because his contribution covers half of his food and electricity bills. I pay my son's other expenses from my personal account. I also pay some of our common child's expenses myself and sometimes pay for some of DP things, just because I'm the one who likes shopping. DP never shops for anything interesting for me, so I never get anything personal from him. I also invite us to restaurants occasionnally and contribute more if we go on vacation. That's sort of my contribution because my DP pays for my son. I also contributed to our common son's study account all by myself. DP says that he has no money to contribute because he pays for my teenager (doesn't matter that his 24 year old should have been financially independant by now, but he's taking his time travelling instead of finishing his diploma and still needs at least 2 years to get it and the 22 year old didn't even enter the uni for the same reasons).

I also agreed to buy an expensive electric car so that my DP could go pick up and/or visit his children in another town and he still uses it for work purposes and discounts expenses on it as a freelancer. I use it too, but only when he doesnt need it. We paid for this car 7 years 50-50.

I also can't imagine how we would calculate my son's portion of food and electricity. Not to mention my DP's daughter's, even if she comes less often, if my son would pay for his expenses, why should I pay for my SD? Just by principle. I think it would be super messy and ridiculous. And disgusting.

My DP always made somewhat more than me, but this year has been more difficult for him, however when I made less than him, I just managed.

Any advice on how to manage this situation?

What a horrible man. Tell him to get his ADULT children financially independent first and when your son is an ADULT you'll consider the same.

Seems like to me he doesn’t like paying for a child that is not his. Your ‘D’H seems to forget what you pay for and I’ll bet that it also covers the cost of whatever else ‘his kids’ use n eat without question.
He sounds like a greedy selfish git. You and your son deserve better. Please do not let that selfish man bully your son or make him feel uncomfortable in his own home.

So many posters have summed up the situation regarding your son so eloquently. The LTB advice is spot on but maybe it’s not a great time for you to split up right now, from what you have said.
To me, your later posts reveal he is actually using anger and your son as tools to shut down your requests for him to contribute his half of all the family costs.

When you earned less it was strictly 50:50 but now he does not want this as his finances lessen.
Is there any love left? If you could choose without finances being an option, would you stay? If not, start saving every penny (which might mean paying a nominal fee for DS so you can insist on his share of EVERYTHING else) but if you do want to stay then call him out and insist everything is talked through in an amicable manner. Let him know using your DS as a bargaining tool is low, despicable and NEVER to be repeated.

I feel sad for your son, with this bully living in the same house. Your husband may feel irritated and uncomfortable that your 16 year old child is earning something whilst his older children are not, and is spitefully taking out his displeasure against the boy.

I agree with PP that unless you're in another country or he has a court ordered settlement he shouldn't have any legal obligation to continue maintenance for the 22 and 24 yos.

Your updates make me sad, OP as you seem to be defending your partner or rationalising his position. In fact, this is such a deeply unpleasant and revealing demand that he has made, it's hard to see a way back.

I bet his three children did not make financial contributions to the household at 16. Pretty sure he won't ask it of your join DD. So poor DS is being 'othered' in a vile way. Please don't stand for it.

There is a nasty web of financial and emotional abuse towards you and your son which you need to walk away from.

I think your partner's demands are outrageous and I don't think I could live with such a selfish, spiteful man. It must be a horrible atmosphere in your house. I would want to be rid of such a person. I feel sorry for your son.

What a minefield. I had DSS 10 years older than our two DS but our finances were never split in anyway and they only paid their way when they started working at 18. Good luck. Stand your ground.

Can’t believe what I’m reading. Beyond the point of my DP thinks my 16 year old son should be paying for food”…or along those lines…beyond that is irrelevant IMO. A 16 year old is a child, therefore the responsibility of their parents. Your DP doesn’t see your son as his son. You have a DP problem. I can’t even see how you can be attracted to him quite frankly. The way your OP is written screams coercive control. Basically ignoring anything he wants to do to support his own ADULT children and saying your own actual CHILD should be paying his way. Disgusting!

DP probably also resents that the biological father doesn't contribute, which he should. Maybe DP says he contributes to his own 3 adult children but maybe he doesn't really. And maybe getting 16 yr old to contribute is preparing you for him supporting you financially instead of DP.

He pays maintenance for adult children but wants to charge your child?! (cos 16 is still a child)
What a greedy vile man.
In the bin.