End of maintenance - what to do?

[Donewithitt]

DSS will be 18 this year, so his maintenance payments will stop. Which are around 1.5k per month (not including school fees)
We are pretty sure DSS's mum will KO about it, is there anyway to mitigate this?
DH is planning to write to her at the end of this month to let her know it's stopping, so it doesn't come as a shock and she has 10 months to prepare.
Currently we can afford to continue the payments and plan on diverting the money, minus the school fees into savings for DSS so he'll leave uni with a lump of 50k - which he can access for a house deposit.
Has anyone done anything similar?

I can’t edit my post but ‘DSS will be 18 this year, so his maintenance payments will stop’.

If it’s he will turn 18 in January and the payments will stop in August then not the end of the world. If it’s they will stop as soon as he turns 18 that’s not legal and morally wrong.

If he is in uni he may be better with some of the payments while he is there. Although if he is getting his accommodation paid (?) is working AND will also have a loan then saving it for a deposit would be better or that excess will just be spent on alcohol. Money for a deposit would be better long term. Bear in mind he probably won’t be ready to but straight out of uni unless he gets a grad job in an area he can afford to buy in.

Will he be leaving school this summer or the summer afterwards?

You need to check whether it should be stopping, it doesn’t usually just stop when they turn 18. It’s usually until 19 or when they leave full time non-advanced education, and it’s payable until the September.
We paid maintenance for DSD for 6 months after she turned 18, even though she’d left education and was earning a very good full time income, earning nearly as much as DH - go figure!

Obviously not the case for an 18 year old, but aren't a lot of parents paying that for childcare alone?

Maintenance is being paid to October when the DSS goes to uni.

The op has confirmed this summer.

Morally, if you have wealth, it would be nice to do more than what the law requires.

When I came home from boarding school I was sent packing at 17 and told to go rent by my Dad and new Step Mum. As soon as I was 18 I was told to be an adult and I had to pay for my uni books. My Dad had considerable wealth.

I was emotionally and mentally impacted by this and still have anxiety from trying to juggle rent, working, affording uni books. My peers were off having fun and gliding through uni while I struggled. It was a fight to get my degree and I don’t think I realised that it was anxiety and depression and the worries of my unsettled life that were impacting my ability to even concentrate or think. I was just in survival. I eventually got a degree but it really impacted my opportunities. I just wasn’t 100% and always panicked/insedure.

Based on my experience, it’s really stressful not having a home base. Teeangers need support these days for longer. Finding rentals and a home isn’t as affordable or easy as it used to be.

I think if you cut funding to his home base that’s a bit mean - he needs stability and guidance until he’s independent.

I know the law is 18 but it’s outdated. Until you have a skill, trade and job you’re not independent.

I think you should do what is morally right.

If you have considerable wealth you might consider doing a house deposit and ensuring he’s looked after until he’s qualified.

Please read the OPs updates. The DSS is getting an allowance. This is separate to the maintenace.

If it’s an advanced/higher course such as uni then this doesn’t apply for CM purposes.

Would be nice if dad could continue to offer assistance to his DS though. But the mum is no longer entitled to the payment. Hopefully she’s working.

I think you are being very fair. Maybe the only difference would be to divert the school fees to uni support including paying for accommodation/living costs as these should priority over the uni fees that can be covered by a loan. If possible set him up so that he doesn’t need to work during uni and then if he does it’s just a bonus.

the level of pettiness and trying to weaponise the poor kids life is horrible.
Surely he's still at school on his 18th birthday? But will no longer need food, clothes on his back, a roof over his head, money for socialising, haircuts, toiletries, a phone. The list goes on.

Tell me you haven't got children without telling me you haven't got children.

I’m pretty sure the mum will know when maintenance is due to end- I wouldn’t write a letter- you’re not the Child Maintenance Service and I would think it really patronising at best.

This is incorrect. It sounds like you died your dad for a continuing maintenance order - these are not common place. It’s not something that would be granted to everyone. In fact a lot of people going to uni work part time to support themselves. I wasn’t in a position to support my son a lot financially (I did as much as I could afford) however my son worked at a supermarket and also did part time peri teaching. He managed.

Perfectly legal but morally shit.
My ex did the same. He paid £200 for 3 children. I can imagine him jumping for joy the day the youngest was 18 and he had £200 more beer money. We continued helping them with uni etc. I got a second job.

DH is planning to write to her at the end of this month to let her know it's stopping, so it doesn't come as a shock and she has 10 months to prepare.

@Donewithitt So he’ll turn 18 in November 2025? In your DH’s position, I’d continue paying maintenance until summer 2026 so he has a stable home life through his A-Levels.

Then I’d make the changes that you’re suggesting in your second post.

Unless of course he chooses to live with you the majority of the time next school year.

I should point out that we are not in the UK so have a different term.
He will be finished school when he turns - 18 and about to go to uni.
We 100% would not see him struggle financially through uni, but our obligation stops with her, however will continue directly to DSS - through his fees, allowance and car.
We both feel strongly that he should work through uni. Not a single kid we know hasn't worked through uni, whether it's in the local supermarket or in a field that complements theirs studies (nursing home for example - when studying nursing) we both did it and it's a good life lesson.
I think we are morally doing the right thing, and trying to give him a good start by trying to support him to own a home or property.

@Donewithitt Ah, when exactly would he start university? Are you saying that it’s before his 18th birthday?

Uni will be early 2026 and he is planing on a big trip (maybe Japan) before he goes. This is his 18th gift from us.

So if his birthday is in November and he starts uni in early 2026 ( with a trip in between), he’ll only be living at home for a month/six weeks perhaps after the maintenance ends. That’s less than ppl were assuming.

@BruFord
He'll be at his mum's for maybe 2 weeks.

@Donewithitt Your timeline sounds perfectly reasonable then, especially as your DH is giving 10 months notice.

Having read all your updates OP, it seems to me that you have been generously supporting your DSS and plan to continue doing so directly, so I agree that maintenance payments to his mother should stop.

So basically all you’re saying is you’ll stop making payments to the mum and support the now adult child directly instead?

Yes, that sounds 100% fair and square, why would a legal adult’s money be going to their parents aged 18+?

As long as no maintenance payments etc due to her, it’s all good. (Seeing as it’s quite large sums and you can afford it, if in any doubt or at the first sign of trouble, get some legal advice to ensure no potential obligation to her in any way)

Advance notice may be a good idea as some of the money may be going towards her home/bills/feeding DSS etc so she’ll need to make sure she can afford it all after payments stop

If not UK based and, as I assume that you are not in the US based on references to uni (and not college), perhaps you are in Australia? If so, $1500 AUD is a bit different to £1500 per month.

Assuming Australia, will your DSS be eligible for a commonwealth-support place at Uni and be eligible for HECs? But likely to be still living at home? I think what you have proposed is reasonable, but be aware that your husband’s ex can apply for CS beyond 18 in some limited circumstances.

Working while at uni is a good idea but it is unlikely to be enough to support themselves if they are not living at home. Rent and living expenses are very high for young adults on award wages. But if uni costs are paid via HECs and living at home, then the allowance sound generous. And whatever you save can go towards a down payment on house in the future or potentially paying off the HECs debt once uni is completed.

I would also assume the ex is well aware of the end of CS once your DSS turns 18. No need to advise them of this, doing so may in fact come across negatively, as if you are counting down the days until it stops. They will get notifications through the normal channels.

I wouldn't be informing the ex of anything. Its her responsibility to know when maintenance ends. She must know this day is coming. Why cause friction when it's not needed. Hopefully with such a high cm level, his ex may have saved some. I also agree young people should work through uni. They're adults and need to start standing on their own 2 feet and accept some financial responsibility for the decision they've made to go to uni. An allowance is morally right and i would continue to save for them for post university life.