End of maintenance - what to do?

[Donewithitt]

DSS will be 18 this year, so his maintenance payments will stop. Which are around 1.5k per month (not including school fees)
We are pretty sure DSS's mum will KO about it, is there anyway to mitigate this?
DH is planning to write to her at the end of this month to let her know it's stopping, so it doesn't come as a shock and she has 10 months to prepare.
Currently we can afford to continue the payments and plan on diverting the money, minus the school fees into savings for DSS so he'll leave uni with a lump of 50k - which he can access for a house deposit.
Has anyone done anything similar?

We also don’t know how long childcare has been split 50/50. OP says her SS splits his time between the houses ‘at the minute’. But we don’t know if this has always been the case or whether either SS’s mum or dad have been the primary carer in the past.
People are just assuming that childcare has always been split 50/50 following the split, but that’s not actually what was said and it’s not totally clear what the situation was.

Cross posted with @Rosscameasdoody. sorry!

No probs !! There are many assumptions in play aren’t there - mostly l think, because there’s very little background info and next to nothing about DS’s mum’s circumstances. I also think that posters are dazzled by the 1.5k monthly CMS and are translating that as £1500, when OP may well be referring to Australian Dollars, which equates to around £760 Sterling - a much more down to earth figure.

Indeed @Rosscameasdoody.

What’s also not clear is the future. SS’s expenses will be greater if he chooses to go away to university. He ‘wants to’ but that doesn’t seem to be settled yet. Is it better to take out a student loan in that case, while dad saves for him? Good rates usually, so maybe it is - I’m no financial expert.
But the 2 weeks OP indicated he’ll be spending at mum’s in future might be wrong too if he doesn’t go away?

As there are a lot of unknowns still, it seems a bit early to be making decisions. Thinking about them, yes.

If it is Australia, then the way child maintenance is calculated is based on the incomes of each parent as well as - so some extent - where the child resides. So you can certainly end up paying maintenance if you are looking after the child close to or on 50/50, but one parent would have to be a complete deadbeat to get as much as $1.5k a month (especially once you factor in that the gap between low and modestly high earners in Australia tends to be smaller than in the UK where our wages for low earners is particularly poor. There are a lot of skilled but traditionally lower paid jobs like nursing, hairdressers, bakers etc who earn a lot more out there).

To be clear the contribution is £1.5k, DSS mum works. They split when he was very very little, never married. We've been married 10 years. We are higher earners than DSS's mum, but he isn't exactly in poverty.

DH stopped paying maintenance for DSS when he finished 6th form. He then started uni, and we sent DSS the same amount every month that we used to send his mother, and this helped towards his uni costs. We did this til he finished uni.

Has the split in childcare always been 50/50 OP?

I absolutely can’t believe some folks aren’t happy with how you support DSS @Donewithitt ! It sounds like he is having some fantastic support and opportunities!

im in the UK and couldn’t afford to do this but think its lovely you both do. The money is to support dss. Not the mother. He is finishing college education at 18 and off to uni after - too right his mother doesn’t need the money at that point. And it is still being put aside to support dss. Where is the issue?

Do children become fully independent after 18? Parents are expected to contribute to their children's university life - that is what the system is set up for. If the DF does not do it and the DM is still expected to, how is this fair?

You don't actually know what you are arguing about because the OP is in Australia. Student finance is completely different there. For a start, it's not in the same mess as in the UK and they can lend sufficient to live.

Have you read OPs other posts?

They are funding a car, helping with his costs, putting aside money for him so he has a bulk fund when he leaves uni.

He’s planning on working to assist with his living costs like many uni students there.

It doesn’t sound like his Dad isn’t going to continue supporting him. He’s just going to be doing it directly as opposed to paying the money to his ex partner.

We don’t know what country he’s in as to what the costs are either.

My DH stopped paying maintenance for his two eldest once they turned 18, as neither continued with further education. He sends them money directly instead - it’s not a “oh poor mum” situation. She’s incredibly wealthy, like has never needed to nor will ever work kind of wealthy. She still expected DH to pay her 50% of his salary to her though.

She did kick off and told the children he doesn’t care about them, otherwise he’d send the money to her. The eldest is working full-time and has been for four years. The middle refuses to work. He still pays maintenance for his youngest.

Mine is not adult, but her father has said he will pay for Uni when the time comes, and all associated expenses, as at that point he will have the money (long term investment maturing). He does not pay maintenance, but chips in as he can to extras like clubs. I was the higher earner when we were together, though not any more due to health issues.

This is one of my biggest problems with maintenance in general. The mother in the scenario you raise has obviously set a terrible example to her middle child.

If parents in a "together family" can't afford to fund a child through Uni, then that seems to be accepted. But heaven help a separated father who can't .....

Sounds like the father is funding a lot- fees, allowance, car...
What's the mother funding?

That must have been part of your divorce settlement and so legally enforceable. In the UK maintenance stops at the end of further education - there is no obligation to pay for higher education, as that’s a choice.

Stop defending yourself OP. Maintenance legally stops at 18 or whatever it is, if you wish to continue to contribute morally that’s up to you.

sounds like your DSS won’t be living with his mother (and only there 50% of the time now so sounds like you didn’t need to pay maintenance legally anyway?) so why would you continue to fund his mothers life?

Have you actually read and understood the the OP’s post and updates, because this is certainly not the case here. OP and her DH are contributing generously towards supporting him through uni. The question that remains unanswered is how much the DM is contributing here.

Thanks for clarifying that OP - your original post didn’t specify whether the 1.5k was £ or $. Can you clarify whether DM will be contributing anything towards his expenses, and also whether the 50/50 residency was long term, or is more a recent thing since he is now older and able to make up his own mind. I would ignore the detractors here - your contribution is more than fair and well in excess of what would be considered reasonable here in the UK.

In relation to your original question I think it’s fair to give his mum a heads up about the maintenance stopping, whether she’s likely to kick off or not - from what you’ve posted she has no reason to do so. Is there something in particular that makes you think she’s likely to do so ?

Yes that is part of our separation agreement. My solicitor was very good to protect the future of my children. Without this clause, their father will have stop maintenance at 18 and not pay anything towards uni. He did tried when my eldest was 18 and I had to remind him of our separation agreement so he had no choice but to give maintenance to our eldest, he wasn't happy with it and he is trying to recoup some money by charging rent to my son, as a result my son no longer staying with him during the holiday.