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Original poster

End of maintenance - what to do?

543 replies

Donewithitt · 11/01/2025 22:51

DSS will be 18 this year, so his maintenance payments will stop. Which are around 1.5k per month (not including school fees)
We are pretty sure DSS's mum will KO about it, is there anyway to mitigate this?
DH is planning to write to her at the end of this month to let her know it's stopping, so it doesn't come as a shock and she has 10 months to prepare.
Currently we can afford to continue the payments and plan on diverting the money, minus the school fees into savings for DSS so he'll leave uni with a lump of 50k - which he can access for a house deposit.
Has anyone done anything similar?

OP posts:
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Howisitnotobvious · 13/01/2025 15:02

ErinAoife · 13/01/2025 14:59

Yes that is part of our separation agreement. My solicitor was very good to protect the future of my children. Without this clause, their father will have stop maintenance at 18 and not pay anything towards uni. He did tried when my eldest was 18 and I had to remind him of our separation agreement so he had no choice but to give maintenance to our eldest, he wasn't happy with it and he is trying to recoup some money by charging rent to my son, as a result my son no longer staying with him during the holiday.

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Only 55% of students work alongside studying I believe. Why does your child need any parental top up?

changecandles · 13/01/2025 17:36

@Howisitnotobvious

Only 55% of students work alongside studying I believe. Why does your child need any parental top up?

Parent income is taken into account when approving student loans. The higher the family income the lower the loan the dc is entitled to get. In other words, parents are expected to top up.

cakeorwine · 13/01/2025 17:51

changecandles · 13/01/2025 17:36

@Howisitnotobvious

Only 55% of students work alongside studying I believe. Why does your child need any parental top up?

Parent income is taken into account when approving student loans. The higher the family income the lower the loan the dc is entitled to get. In other words, parents are expected to top up.

Expected is not Must though. Unfortunately.

DS is being supported at University. However, it is not mandatory for him to be supported if parental income means he does not get a full maintenance loan. It's just makes the student life much much more difficult.

Getting it in writing in a divorce settlement that a parent MUST support their adult DC at University is impressive.

limonandleme · 14/01/2025 08:37

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

NoEffingWay · 12/02/2025 22:00

We stopped paying for DSS when it was the August after he left full time education at 18. His mum went bananas but DSS started full time work and he is an adult.

He's not planning on leaving home until he buys a house so possibly another decade. I'm not sure CMS covers someone in their late 20's!

Whatthefuck3456 · 12/02/2025 22:37

Just stop paying her she needs to stand on her own two feet now!

Thursdaygirl · 12/02/2025 23:23

We stopped paying for DSS when it was the August after he left full time education at 18. His mum went bananas but DSS started full time work and he is an adult.

@NoEffingWay what on earth did his Mum expect? Indefinite payments??

Boredofbeinganadult · 20/03/2025 09:52

This seems fair, is this through CM or a private agreement? It might be until he is 19 if through CM.
At the end of the day there has to be a cut off at some point so just stop after he turns 18

MeridianB · 20/03/2025 10:04

.

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 23/03/2025 09:12

Check on .gov - eligible to receive maintenance if they are under 20.

So I'd refrain from writing a letter at this stage.

I'd not be giving 50k to a university leaver. I'd gift it when they need the house deposit.

beachcitygirl · 02/04/2025 06:28

Totally fair to stop paying mum if you support him ~. BUT if he goes to mum for The summer holidays and doesn’t work - morally it would be wrong to not redivert that money to mum ~ teenage kids are not. Cheap to house and feed and not are they always responsible enough to chip in to household bills

Quicknip · 25/04/2025 00:12

Wow, just to offer another perspective, in uni I had moved out (not to halls but actually moved out) worked shifts around my studies. Neither of my parents financially supported me! Think OP’s stepchild is very very fortunate that someone will be saving money for him!

Minimili · 25/04/2025 04:54

Quicknip · 25/04/2025 00:12

Wow, just to offer another perspective, in uni I had moved out (not to halls but actually moved out) worked shifts around my studies. Neither of my parents financially supported me! Think OP’s stepchild is very very fortunate that someone will be saving money for him!

It’s interesting to see this bonkers thread has been resurrected.

The next person to post is likely to mention the fact that OP has made sure DSS receives his allowance and uni fees in the form of dried mushrooms and magic beans and not in legal currency.

OP is only with her DH because she followed him and DSS home one night and they gave her a place to stay, she contributes nothing except good vibes through interpretive dance and has never worked except one shift as a bee keeper.

DSS is also learning to be a juggler at clown college and the car they bought him might be small but can fit many many passengers.

I read all your posts @Donewithitt and I think I understand the situation correctly, I wouldn’t be surprised if you’ve hidden this thread though due to the amount of people jumping to conclusions and making ridiculous accusations.
If you do see this I think you and your DH are more then fair and I think it’s a shame some of the posters commenting didn’t get as much support as your DSS has had from you in order to be able to go to university. I think a lot of people would have benefited from some reading comprehension skills!

nwsw · 26/05/2025 07:48

arethereanyleftatall · 11/01/2025 23:14

The mum will 'kick off' that the father will no longer help support their joint child the second he turns 18 rather than when he actually finishes education and can contribute?!? Of course she will, because that would be a fairly abhorrent thing to do. Unless she won't have to feed him when he comes home from Uni, will he be staying with you then?

Why wouldn't she be able to feed him?

Thursdaygirl · 26/05/2025 08:16

I’m sure this will have been mentioned in the 500+ posts on this thread - but we should remember that mothers can also contribute financially to their children

4naans · 26/05/2025 08:27

Yes I think giving her notice is important although she should be expecting it.
If she's really struggling then have a discussion on it as she will still need space for him at home during holidays etc so can't downsize yet. But if that's not the case and if he's going away for uni and your helping him out then that's great and it should go directly to him.

I think people are assuming his Dad isn't continuing to support him directly but you've clarified many times so not sure why the backlash!

4naans · 26/05/2025 08:30

Maybe advise son that when he is at his mum's during holidays that he should offer some of his allowance to her towards his food and keep.

TreeDudette · 12/06/2025 14:14

ThisPageIsBlank · 12/01/2025 18:56

I thought the plan was Dad would pay uni fees - but, especially if DS will be living away from home like he wants to, there will be many other university expenses? Accommodation to start with…

OP said they are paying his fees, bought him a car and pay some of the running costs and provide him with an allowance (which will help with living expenses). He also works. Presumably his mother should also contribute towards his university costs so perhaps she can fund the accommodation given it appears the rest is already covered by the DSS himself/ his father and step mother? And they are apparently simultaneously going to save £50k for a house deposit for him.

Surely it should be a balance between the two parents? Why is their contribution insufficient? The mother should be supporting him as much as she can herself and will have no expenses any longer in relation to him except visits in holidays.

Apparently he splits his time equally between his parents' homes so presumably he'll continue to do that during university holidays, so it's hard to see a case for the father to continue to pay money to the mother's to fund the DSS's living expenses in this situation as she's no longer housing him/ paying for anything to support him that the father and step mother need to contribute towards.

I am disappointed to see some of the attitudes on this thread. I think the amount of CMS required by law is an insulting pittance and not enforced properly but from OP's posts she and her husband have gone far above this and intend to continue to do so, helping her DSS very generously. Why the mother feels entitled to continue to receive money from them in the above circumstances is a mystery to me so please can somebody arguing for this explain the reasoning?

As a lone parent raising my children with no involvement from the other parent I think this type of attitude - that somehow this mother should continue to receive money when she has no additional expenses to fund for DSS - quite shocking and it undermines all of the totally valid arguments about deadbeat fathers who do not pay anywhere near what they should, or nothing.

Maintenance is to fund the expenses of raising the child, not to fund the other parent. It should be much higher than the CMS amounts, and equate to 50% of the cost of raising and housing a child. But this child has been raised (with very reasonable contributions to the expenses involved, it seems) and is now an adult so there's no further case for maintenance, surely?

This sounds very reasonable to me as well. If DS splits his home from uni time equally between both houses and father contributes at least 50% towards uni fees as well as poviding DS an allowance then he is paying 50% of son's costs isn't he? He isn't expected to pay everything, just half.

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