End of maintenance - what to do?

[Donewithitt]

DSS will be 18 this year, so his maintenance payments will stop. Which are around 1.5k per month (not including school fees)
We are pretty sure DSS's mum will KO about it, is there anyway to mitigate this?
DH is planning to write to her at the end of this month to let her know it's stopping, so it doesn't come as a shock and she has 10 months to prepare.
Currently we can afford to continue the payments and plan on diverting the money, minus the school fees into savings for DSS so he'll leave uni with a lump of 50k - which he can access for a house deposit.
Has anyone done anything similar?

Goodness amazed how so many are getting wound up on assumptions the OP and partner are ceasing payments before uni. It felt 8mpkicit in the question they would pay until then.

i think what they are looking at is generous for the young person and I’m sure what has been paid in the last that there will be some support at uni. Myself and DH have ours an allowance at uni which was not overly generous but also paid for stuff ad hoc. As a result, mine ate extremely well and healthily and was pretty much tee total. She is finishing this year and has done really well. I’m sure the Op and partner will work it out fine.

However, yes some patents and yes usually mothers do kick off at the maintenance stopping. I know of a couple I’m friends with both and he agreed a very generous spousal payment (didn’t need to) as well as child maintence and it is ending in August…all hell is currently breaking out as the holidays to Dubai, South Africa etc are all ending.

My agreement with my ex stipulates that he pays until they leave FT education. I think this is right actually -my children at university are there for, what, 10/11 weeks? And then they're back every holiday. I still have to keep the same home for them, pay the same mortgage, pay the same bills. I still pay for their food when they're back, and contribute to their costs while they're there. If my exH stopped paying mine, I'd have to downsize and that would mean they wouldn't have a room to stay in holidays (and in the case of one, she's come back home after (he's not paying for her now, but the fact he's paying for the others means she can stay still).

You are being more than fair.
When DSD turned 18 she left education and got an apprenticeship. We stopped paying her DM and gave DSD the money instead until she turned 21. Her DM went completely bananas over it, but she was warned. DH ended up having to block her.
We continue to support DSD.
Your DH’s ex must have realised this will happen at some point. It was money to help her raise him, and he is now raised.

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That sounds fair.

Mine too.

DS had to work part time whilst at uni. I supplemented his income though for any student this isn't something that a DC can demand or has a right to have.

Your DSS is very lucky to have the offer of a lump sum at the end of uni. Mine didn't have that either. Though I am a big believer in working hard for your own success.
If my DC’s had a big deposit at 22, their commitment to hard work may have been less.

Extremely fair.

OP’s DH has a responsibility to support his son, which he’s continuing to do, to much more of an extent than is usual - including paying uni fees and an allowance directly to DS, who is also working. He has also bought DS a car, and provides a fuel allowance. Why on earth do you think he should contribute to his ex’s living expenses too ? She will have known the maintenance would stop at some point so should have been preparing for it.

I would contribute towards his university costs rather than squirrel it away.

Sounds like you are supporting dss well and stopping payments to the mum to give to him instead makes sense. Without knowing the uni setup in the country you are in it’s hard to comment really but in the uk more may be needed to uni accommodation and paying fees is less important.

Does your comment take into account the £50,000 deposit for a house that his dad and step mum are saving for him???

Edited: a cross post - you must have re- considered your answer about giving step parents a bad name.

What a load of chuffing nonsense 😂😂

@Donewithitt you sound lovely and supportive parent/step parents. You are generous in the level of support you're giving DSS and sounds like you have a good relationship with him.

Just read up on the maintenance rules where you are and lay out the changes in a letter to the mum. Make sure you send it recorded delivery as well so you can track it being received.

You've both gone above and beyond, time to enjoy a bit more financial freedom.

We paid maintenance for DSS until he left school after A levels and when he went university we sat down and agreed with his mum to share costs like accomodation 50/50 and we also paid a monthly sum directly to him.

When my sons went to uni, my ex paid a proportion of maintenance ( one quarter) as an allowance to him and the rest to me, when the second son followed two years later, he received the same proportion and I received less. My ex's view was that I still had to maintain the house and bills for when they were home. When both left home, maintenance stopped. Seemed very fair to me!

Why if he's 50:50 between them should they contribute to someone else so a child can vist occasionally. Who says she needs it, and should she be paying it back to them to have a room available? It's her responsibility to provide not just his.

I think this is fair.

@Donewithitt does your DSS mother work?

You are being more than fair, OP.

And the other parent should know when maintenance is finishing anyway. DH’s ex pretended not to, and went to a lawyer to try to force it to be paid to her even after age 19, but she got nowhere.

DH helps SDC with uni directly.

If it's 50:50 she shouldn't even be getting as much as she does now. What you are offering to do now is very generous. She can discuss with her adult son about contributing to the house. It is not her ex's responsibility to maintain her. It never was.

My ex husband has to pay maintenance for the kids if they are in higher education. The maintenance is paid to my kid if they are no longer living at home in addition he needs to pay half the cost of accomodation, university fee.

This is nuts!!! Please disregard this advice. Once he is 18 and at uni, one parent has absolutely no responsibility to the other unless it was specifically set out in a pre nup

This thread is a hard read when people cannot or do not want to read what the op has written properly.

Its almost like they just want to pile on regardless when actually the young person in question has been well looked after financially by their dad and partner and will continue to be.

Having £50k isn’t much good when he won’t actually have money to get through Uni. Do you have a child at Uni? It’s costing us £8k a year for him to be there.

You know we can still see your original post, right ? Either you posted before you realised just how much support OP and her DH are providing, or you have a very skewed idea of how the majority of uni students get by.

Have you read how much other support they are giving to the son?? Read the ops post at least. They are still supporting him very well!!