Really not interested in SDD

[Flobobo]

Probably going to get a flaming but genuinely I am just not that interested in my SDD age 6.

I have my own DD (16) been with DH 4 years, married 1. No kids between us.

It doesn’t help that DH and his family treat SDD like she is the first 6 yr old to ever exist, they even have a dedicated WhatsApp’s group to her where they all just go on about how amazing she is.

In truth, she is a regular 6 yr old, and actually can be quite spiteful to my DD in what she says and does to her.

I am kind to her, buy her things, take her out, involve her with my animals etc but the constant over the topness is nauseating tbh.

I know I’m being harsh but how do I deal with it?!

I get this is maybe weird for some people, but we actually had a family group like this for my dc1. I didn't start it, but I do feed it with pics and news. On one side, dc1 was the first baby for 30+ years. They were beside themselves with excitement. It was a lot.

Anyway dsil made the group, and I put a picture (or several) on daily and everyone loved it. It cut down messages to me and made it easy to share and they really enjoyed wee updates. It is a lot c⁷almer now that we have 2 and there are a couple of others.

It was called The Next Generation though, in the hope that another word come along. It took 6 years. They may refocus if more children come along.

This. Poor kid.

What is SDD?

I know Step Daughter or Dear Step Daughter but not this?

Step Dear Daughter? Never seen that before.

She won’t remember life without OP in it if they met when she was 2.

She does sound like a brat. I’d sit dh down and say how would you like it if my
dd took the phone off you and hung up? If she tore up some of your presents wrapping? Him: she’s 16 that’s different!! You: dd will be 16 one day and if you always model that this rudeness is ok this is what she will be at 16. I won’t be living with that, and I’m shocked to start to see that you don’t think teaching children how to treat others is part of parenting. It’s a huge part of parenting and I am feeling uncomfortable living in the family that has been created by your decision to not teach manners. I feel very uncomfortable that my daughter in her own home has to put up with behaviour I’d NEVER have let her get away with at 6. Of course 6 year olds can understand that other people get presents, it’s insane you think that’s too hard. Most people in the world grow up with siblings and get taught fair and sharing, and only children get taught it too, I don’t understand how you expect any child to just not have to understand they aren’t the only child in the universe. I’d like you to seriously think about this please and can we talk again in a few days? How can I protect my dd from this is becoming my

we cannot tell if you aren’t cut out to be a step mum to a second child, because no one is cut out to be a stepmum to a spoilt entitled brat. It’s not her fault though, it’s her parents.

Wow! What a way to speak about a 6 year old.

Start doing the behaviour that your DSD does. If your DH tells you to stop just say but I thought you said it was cute?

I'm petty AF though.

She's clearly lacking boundaries which is something all DC need and she's going to test that because she's a bairn. She's 6. She's not horrible, she's testing what she can get away with (as would most kids who aren't told no!) Your DH needs to be aware of how problematic this will become in the future, not just for her mental wellbeing but socially. Does he not want her to grow up well liked by her peers? Have normal, healthy relationships?

You sound like a nasty woman, why did you marry him if you didn't like his 5 year old kid?

Why on earth did you marry someone with a child if you don't care about said child? That poor little (confused sounding) 6yr old.

Do you understand what it means to be a step parent?

It doesn’t help that DH and his family treat SDD like she is the first 6 yr old to ever exist, they even have a dedicated WhatsApp’s group to her where they all just go on about how amazing she is.

I think that's lovely she has family that truly love and care about her.

She does need to learn to stop being spiteful, but that's your DH's job to guide her.

I am surprised that you don't love a child when you've watched her grow up from a young toddler

Is it? I have one with my youngest with her doting grandma and sister-in-law they just use it to share pics and yes focus on her but why is it disturbing ?

A family WhatsApp group - fine. To discuss family stuff. But no, it is not normal to be literally so obsessed with a child that you need a group to go on about how marvellous he is. Makes the kid big headed and the adults a bit boring.

You are 'not interested' in a 6 year old. Why on earth did you have a relationship with someone who has a children then? She is a child and you are the adult and if you carry on the way you are, you will be causing future emotional harm with your indifference.

Can you imagine op what it's like to be a 6 yr old and have to live with an adult who has no interest in you.

This 👏🏼 poor, poor girl

She doesn't dislike the child. She said she has done a lot of caring for the child. They are close, spend time together, have fun and say I love you to each other regularly. It's these episodes of poor behaviour that the OP isn't allowed to parent but the father won't parent that is causing the issue.

Op I could've been you 10 years ago, I resented my dsd because she was spoilt, annoying, spiteful and all the other things. She was absolutely vile to her brother (my ds) I remember crying on the phone to my mum about her behaviour and saying I didn't know if I could do it.
We have a great relationship now, and I would've never thought that if you'd have told me then ! I would've laughed that's how bad it was.

I realised a lot of her behaviour was her mother putting things into her head, her dad not parenting properly because he was scared of her not coming back, grandparents treating her differently because her parents weren't together, (to be honest fil still does this and doesn't even try and hide his favouritism between the grandkids)
Her other grandad would take her to the toy shop every Friday for a new toy, no wonder she was entitled.
But I was young myself when I came into her life and I also had a lot to learn, now I look back after 3 children of my own I see how difficult it was for sd and she was just confused.

What im trying to say is, it wont always be like this, you need to speak to dh and explain why sd needs treating totally normally. This is down to him and he can change things for the better.

I don’t think the What’s App thing is weird. In fact I wish I had had similar when my kid was born. She had aunts, grandparents, cousins living far away and without sharing pics and news they would have not been able to build up a bond with her. I was grateful they were interested in getting news, but remember the hassle of emailing pictures (importing them to laptop, resizing them to file size limit and etc) in the pre-texting/pre smartphone days. And the group setting is fun, now, whenever me or my sister texts around kid photos. “Oh she looks like so and so”. “Yeah I agree” “remember when cousin Eddie did a similar thing?” etc. Nice family convo that keeps us from being left out because we don’t live locally. If you think it’s nauseating just don’t join in. Presumably the 6 year old doesn’t see it, or only occasionally sees it to view a comment, and doesn’t think she’s literally the star of her own reality show.

I will have to agree to disagree.
the child in question does not know - and she never will if I have anything to do with it. It's separate from the family group because not everyone wants to see pictures of said child in a different million views.

@Flobobo

I have a DD so it’s not like Iv never parented before (although it was 10 years ago)

What does this bit mean? Do you mean 16 years ago? You are still parenting now though.

Hmmm

It sounds as though DH ridiculous behaviour is giving you the ick?

It’s 10 years since she parented a 6yo

@burntheleaves

It doesn’t help that DH and his family treat SDD like she is the first 6 yr old to ever exist, they even have a dedicated WhatsApp’s group to her where they all just go on about how amazing she is.

In truth, she is a regular 6 yr old, and actually can be quite spiteful to my DD in what she says and does to her.

She clearly doesn't like her and if she's prepared to be honest with herself I would wager a hefty bet that she would prefer the child didn't exist (as many stepmothers on this site have openly admitted). It's (almost) always the same on here.

@ARichtGoodDram
Ah thanks. Didn't twig..

You've been in her life since she's 2 years old, but have no interest in her. There's a large age gap, so your 16 yo has probably had no interest in her either, and you say her father is an ineffective parent.

I can see how she is like this, stuck between disinterest and uselessness ☹️.