Really not interested in SDD

[Flobobo]

Probably going to get a flaming but genuinely I am just not that interested in my SDD age 6.

I have my own DD (16) been with DH 4 years, married 1. No kids between us.

It doesn’t help that DH and his family treat SDD like she is the first 6 yr old to ever exist, they even have a dedicated WhatsApp’s group to her where they all just go on about how amazing she is.

In truth, she is a regular 6 yr old, and actually can be quite spiteful to my DD in what she says and does to her.

I am kind to her, buy her things, take her out, involve her with my animals etc but the constant over the topness is nauseating tbh.

I know I’m being harsh but how do I deal with it?!

SDD kicked all the presents ripping some of the paper, this really upset DD who has bought and prepared them all herself.

@THisbackwithavengeance That poor behavior needs addressing though, it’s not acceptable.

If she did that to another child’s possessions at school, she’d be in trouble. Her Dad isn’t doing her any favors by not teaching her to how behave better.

Then why did you move in with someone who had a very small child?

didn't the 16 year old just pick her up and remove her/stop her from damaging the presents at the time? I can't imagine how this played out without the child receiving immediate consequence from the 17 year old

I didn’t raise my daughter to be this way at all, she was an only child, and a child of separation. I don’t understand how just because a child has separated parents they are allowed to be rude, spiteful (she can be spiteful to the animals too, as gets the hump and pushes the pony or shouts at the dogs etc) I just wouldn’t have this from my own DD. Why should I have it from SDD?

DH is a nightmare with it. I have spoken to him a few times and he just doesn’t see it or makes it sound like I’m being ridiculous. He genuinely doesn’t see that she can possibly do anything wrong. He also wants me to be as enthusiastic about SDD as he is, and I just physically can’t be. She isn’t my DD and Iv tried to explain that gently. Even saying that he isn’t as pleased for my DD when she gets good grades as he is for his own and that’s ok!

This being said, I have increasingly thought that maybe I am just not cut out to young kid parenting anymore, that is solidly on me. I was always one and done, and I can’t kinda see why. I enjoyed my DD as a young child but I don’t enjoy it the 2nd time round, life is different now.

I could easily foresee that escalating to DSS screaming and kicking and DH blaming DD for laying hands (however innocently) on the younger child

My DD told her to stop and to get out her room and she did but it was all happening by then.

sadly my DD is aware that she gets away with a lot so doesn’t bother to mention things now, only in passing or if something is particularly shitty like this

Okay I actually think you are allowing your resentment about the fact that your SD is poorly parented and as a result has behavioral issues to taint your view of everything.

“All About X” is a perfectly normal name for a WhatsApp group that has a purpose of keeping relatives informed about what your husband’s child is up to.

Focus your energy on the real problem.

but that is what would happen with siblings that aren't in a blended family. which I think is the issue her. OP has raised a single child who hasn't grown up with siblings. OP has no interest in raising another child but wants her DH to parent his child in the way she wants. The DH wants OP to love and be enthusiastic about his child but she isn't. it's a shit show, poor kid

Good point @MissDoubleU . She’s in a difficult position if the Dad won’t discipline DSD. How would he react if a teenager tried to do it?

...maybe I am just not cut out to young kid parenting anymore, ...
but you aren't parenting, you are step-parenting, and her actual parent isn't doing the parenting.

Even if you weren’t one and done the situation you are in whereby your DH parents so differently would make it difficult.

The issue isn’t actually your SDD - it’s that your DH’s parenting and your style of parenting isn’t compatible and incompatible styles always become more and more obvious the older a child gets

I’m not sure how long you can continue in this relationship when you’re so jealous of his daughter.

She married him knowing the set up. You don’t marry a man with a two year and not expect to parent.

If you aren't interested in her and find her a nuisance - to the point where you resent other family members showing interest in her (the WhatsApp group is nothing out of the ordinary) - then you shouldn't be in her life at all. Too many people get together with someone with children thinking "he's perfect, the child is a pain but I'll put up with that because he's worth it". It doesn't work. Another child in the family is never going to be peripheral. They are front and centre, as children should be. They can be demanding, selfish, difficult...all children are sometimes. If you can't cope with that, then you shouldn't be there.

She didn’t marry someone with a two year old and expect him not to parent

@ItOnlyTakesTwoMinutes , but you don't parent because you are not the parent. The SD has two parents and a step-parent.

Hmm, I’m sure she would have noted his input before she married him though, no?

Yes, because nobody has ever changed…

And Disney parenting becomes more obvious, and problematic, the older the child gets.

Being Disney Dad to a 2 yr old is different to being Disney Dad to a 6-yr old.

Do you still find him attractive? Dads like this really give me the ick.

Mute the group, but really, she’s an integral part of your family, and to be so resentful of a little girl is pretty unkind. She was part of your husbands life before you turned up. So is an intrinsic part of the package.

This is really sad. You say you're not interested in her yet you've been in her life since she was a toddler. She will be picking up this vibe and maybe acting up because of it. You're even bothered because her own family has a whatsapp group about her. That comes over as petty. Siblings are mean to each other, that is normal.

so he wants you to treat his daughter in a way he is not prepared to treat your daughter?

That's your biggest problem you know. Not the slightly shitty behaviour of a six year old.

Your husband's double standards need to be stood up to. You need to tell him you're not playing any more. I'd begin by getting a lock for your daughter's bedroom tbh. Encourage her to protect her space. Don't allow your husband to bitch about it.

And, having locked her door, take her out for the day sometimes in order for him to spend 1:1 time with his daughter because that is really important. He should be spending time just him and her, doing a range of fun things. (Not instead of actually parenting her, obviously!)

We’ve digressed from my original point.

You sound so jealous OP..She's only 6, leave her dad to deal with her.