Back again hijacking the step parent board. TBH not sure which board is most appropriate though. So apologies in advance, but you guys know most of the story so far!
Friday - I was told by X, she was delegating decisions about DS to her OH. I said "You are his mother, I am his father, you cannot delegate this to your NEW PARTNER". This was in a normal tone, nothing special. I emphasise the words NEW PARTNER, for you. I suppose I should explain she has married him in a pseudo religious ceremony attended by 3 people, but not legally registered - So I really don't know what to call him!!
Saturday morning I get a text from her OH saying "have DS ready by xxx". I reply refusing saying agreed time was yyy and it would be more appropriate coming from her. So a telephone call ensues in which her OH is very aggressive and says I have insulted him by calling him a "New partner", by IMPLYING "this was a long list of lovers in her life and he was the latest"!! eh? I shoot back to tell him to learn the English language and don't he dare talk to me in that tone.
Don't know who stirred that up. Anyway continuing the waffling, we agree to meet up in the afternoon in a coffee shop shopping centre. (Gee I hope she doesn't read these boards - too much detail).
During the meeting HE told me that she cannot make any decision without her consulting him. I said I don't care what happens behind their doors, I will only talk directly with her about DS. I told him he has no legal standing, to which he said "don't talk to me about the law" - I said " okay lets talk about the law" - he shouted "I don't care what the law says, I don't care what mediation say" - pleasant chap.
In person, he is no less aggressive or arrogant. The number of times he rolled his eyes when I spoke, or started to shake his head. And he is incredibly controlling of her - she hardly uttered a word. I can't believe every last word I utter is being reported back.
I did take a snipe saying as a lawyer I expected him to be more precise in words and I expected the translation from the simple clear words "new partner" would be expected from X not him (she has a habit of taking extra meanings from even a one word hello). He shouted and I mean shouted (remember this is a public place) that I was not allowed to make any derogatory comments about his wife or him. I should refer to him by his name, and if my "animosity" continued he would quit his job and start picking up DS himself. I told him he could quit his job, but I would never hand DS over to him - ever.
I was also reprimanded for buying a toy that DS wanted (asking for months, part of a collection), which they just bought (and thus reminded DS) and I was to say "you don't need it here, you have it there". When I pointed out she has replicated most stuff there, he said "that's because he stays with you".
Having seen this guy, appearance, attitude, personality I am surprised that X has fallen for him. I can see why he would move for her, but her to go for him? Only thing I can see is the $$$$ attraction. He does look scary, not the slightest ounce of charm in him. (scary in attitude not physical size). I don't know, I was expecting something else, charming (to get X), calm (lawyer), mature (successful).
Anyway to be brutally honest - I really really do not like this guy, and now feel for DS who has to spend time there .
The only small sparkle was at the end, where he wanted to "reconvene later" to discuss his role, and X said she wasn't interested in that she wanted to sort out overnight stays. small dissension - sure it will be one voice afterwards. Meeting was called to a close because they had "an engagement to attend" (translated = viewing houses, DS already translated that in the morning). Strange strange man.
Oh I forget he has concluded DS stays with me because DS views me as the victim. So I have a 4 year old, too immature to go to school, too immature and ill behaved for their house, but mature enough to stick with dad because dad is the victim and 4 year old out of a sense of justice or protection sticks it out.
He also suggested he could attend mediation with her (as they are one), and I said I would be mediating with her not him, and the mediators would probably laugh him out of the room. He said he was talking hypothetically.
More mundane parts included where I said I accept that a step parent has a difficult role, and I would never wish to exclude someone in that role or make it uncomfortable - (I think I am being too generous for him!).
He did say he nor her wanted to go to the courts over the overnights. But given everything else that could mean, "not yet", "we don't want to spend the money", "we don't think we would win", or "believe that stupid mug, and we'll side swipe you when its right", "we really don't think it would do DS any good"
Anyway thanks for letting me rant.