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Original poster

Are we being unreasonable?

249 replies

GreerGarrisonWinbury · 11/09/2024 15:20

DP has DC EOW and half the school holidays.
4 years ago DP’s ex moved 40 miles away to be near her family and the DC go to school there.
DP’s ex has just given birth and she wants us to take the DC so she can recover.
It isn’t our fault she decided to have another baby.
Earliest drop off at school is 8am and latest pick up is 5pm.
If I do the drop off it is 120 mile round trip for me from home to school and then to work.
Is it unreasonable for us to say no, this does not work for us during term time, with our working hours and leave has already been booked for half the school holidays.
We have said are happy to collect the DCs every Friday for the weekend and return them to school on the Monday morning but during the week just doesn’t work.
DP is stressed because he wants to see DC as much as he can but logistically it doesn’t work and ex keeps calling.

OP posts:
Toomanysquishmallows · 11/09/2024 15:23

I don’t think you are being unreasonable, as you say the mum decided to have another child .

KhakiShaker · 11/09/2024 15:25

I’m with you. That’s mad. Not to mention rubbish for DC, how early would they need to be up every day to manage that? Ex is trying to have her cake and eat it. Surely there is someone who lives near her that can help out in the short term?

Spenditlikebeckham · 11/09/2024 15:26

Surely she has a new dp now too? Odd how you are expected to pitch in but he isn't...

Original poster
GreerGarrisonWinbury · 11/09/2024 15:27

She wants us to exceptionally take the DC for a week so she can recover from giving birth.

OP posts:
Original poster
GreerGarrisonWinbury · 11/09/2024 15:27

KhakiShaker · 11/09/2024 15:25

I’m with you. That’s mad. Not to mention rubbish for DC, how early would they need to be up every day to manage that? Ex is trying to have her cake and eat it. Surely there is someone who lives near her that can help out in the short term?

The GPs live in the next street.

OP posts:
Original poster
GreerGarrisonWinbury · 11/09/2024 15:28

Spenditlikebeckham · 11/09/2024 15:26

Surely she has a new dp now too? Odd how you are expected to pitch in but he isn't...

Yes she does. I was thinking the same…

OP posts:
Dearg · 11/09/2024 15:29

I think that is hugely unreasonable to ask. But what happens now on the EOW - which I assume means 7 days including school days? Are you the one doing the drop off to school 40 miles away each morning ?
If so, that’s good of you and you are doing your bit. As pp said, her new partner can do the school runs for that week

Original poster
GreerGarrisonWinbury · 11/09/2024 15:30

Dearg · 11/09/2024 15:29

I think that is hugely unreasonable to ask. But what happens now on the EOW - which I assume means 7 days including school days? Are you the one doing the drop off to school 40 miles away each morning ?
If so, that’s good of you and you are doing your bit. As pp said, her new partner can do the school runs for that week

Sorry I used the wrong short. I thought EOW was every other weekend.

OP posts:
NoShirtNoShoesNoSheldon · 11/09/2024 15:31

The poor DC!
Mum comes home with a brand new baby and ships existing DC off for a week.

Op it would be better for DC if you did stick to your guns. It’s a crazy request, especially at that distance.

Dearg · 11/09/2024 15:32

Oh I could have got it wrong too. But that makes more sense. So you are suggesting extra weekends Friday through Monday but the school days otherwise are the same. That make sense for the dc. 40 miles each way each day is tiring for them too

Dogdaysareoverihope · 11/09/2024 15:34

So it’s one week?

your DP has his children 2 days a fortnight and you are grumbling about them being taken for 1 week?!
wow - just wow

you are right - it has nothing to do with you. It’s not your kid. But it is your husband’s. I’d say it’s the least he could do. It’s one week.

also, this is for his kids- not their mother. His mother may be too exhausted, overwhelmed from childbirth to give them the best care. Why shouldn’t they spent it with their other parent?

pinkyredrose · 11/09/2024 15:34

GreerGarrisonWinbury · 11/09/2024 15:27

She wants us to exceptionally take the DC for a week so she can recover from giving birth.

What's the problem? Do you not like her or something?

Original poster
GreerGarrisonWinbury · 11/09/2024 15:35

NoShirtNoShoesNoSheldon · 11/09/2024 15:31

The poor DC!
Mum comes home with a brand new baby and ships existing DC off for a week.

Op it would be better for DC if you did stick to your guns. It’s a crazy request, especially at that distance.

Unfortunately the baby is not home yet as the baby was early. That’s the other thing ex is doing, every morning she sends photos of the baby in NICU to DP to tug on his heart strings. He’s a sensitive guy and was getting upset when he showed me the photos. It’s not something you would wish on your worst enemy.

OP posts:
Procrastinates · 11/09/2024 15:36

NoShirtNoShoesNoSheldon · 11/09/2024 15:31

The poor DC!
Mum comes home with a brand new baby and ships existing DC off for a week.

Op it would be better for DC if you did stick to your guns. It’s a crazy request, especially at that distance.

Indeed! Nothing says to a child you're being replaced quite like sending them away for a week because you've had a new child!

Given she has a partner and GPs nearby who could help out then yes I think it's a very unreasonable request. Yes he's their father but shopping them away to Dads for a week and expecting them to travel so much everyday is just not in their best interests.

Halfemptyhalfling · 11/09/2024 15:37

Say you can have them for more weekends instead

Original poster
GreerGarrisonWinbury · 11/09/2024 15:37

She’s not in the NICU. Baby is alone and she visits.

OP posts:
Procrastinates · 11/09/2024 15:38

I cross posted with the ops update but I still don't see why the baby being in the NICU means the other kids need to be sent away. It sounds like their mum has lots of support so why do the other children need to go live with their dad for a week.

Wwyd2025 · 11/09/2024 15:38

Her new dp can do it surely?

It's not fair on the kids either to be doing 100 miles + daily trips either!

Original poster
GreerGarrisonWinbury · 11/09/2024 15:41

Wwyd2025 · 11/09/2024 15:38

Her new dp can do it surely?

It's not fair on the kids either to be doing 100 miles + daily trips either!

It would be under 100 miles for them daily. It’s just my work is in the opposite direction from their school. It would mean me starting later and finishing later as I have to work 8 hours. I could do 2 WFH days in the week which wouldn’t be so bad.

OP posts:
Original poster
GreerGarrisonWinbury · 11/09/2024 15:43

Halfemptyhalfling · 11/09/2024 15:37

Say you can have them for more weekends instead

That’s what we have said. We will get them from school on Friday and take them to school on the Monday. They will be happy to have more time with DP and my dog 😄

OP posts:
MsLaiyla · 11/09/2024 15:44

Why would it be you and not their father doing the school pick ups and drop offs?

Iwasafool · 11/09/2024 15:47

Dogdaysareoverihope · 11/09/2024 15:34

So it’s one week?

your DP has his children 2 days a fortnight and you are grumbling about them being taken for 1 week?!
wow - just wow

you are right - it has nothing to do with you. It’s not your kid. But it is your husband’s. I’d say it’s the least he could do. It’s one week.

also, this is for his kids- not their mother. His mother may be too exhausted, overwhelmed from childbirth to give them the best care. Why shouldn’t they spent it with their other parent?

What child wants a 40 mile journey to school every morning, getting there early so father or OP can get to work, then staying in afterschool club followed by a 40 mile journey home. It be more than a 12 hr day for the children, probably closer to 14 depending on what the 40 mile of roads are like.

It isn't for the children at all.

pinkyredrose · 11/09/2024 15:48

every morning she sends photos of the baby in NICU to DP to tug on his heart strings

To tug on his heart strings? Well isn't she a manipulative bitch 🙄

I hardly think looking after his own children for a week is a big ask.

ToastCrumbsInMyBed · 11/09/2024 15:52

MsLaiyla · 11/09/2024 15:44

Why would it be you and not their father doing the school pick ups and drop offs?

Yes, why?

MounjaroUser · 11/09/2024 15:53

Why should you be the one picking up and dropping off? I would knock that on the head immediately. I think your partner should agree to every weekend for the foreseeable though, and do the pick ups and drop offs.