Bitter ex

[Sarahbrown23]

Hi all,

after years at court fighting for my partners two girls for more access and after vile accusations from her we have had the two girls every other weekend for around 12 months. My partner had recently started a new job where now one weekend out the 4 we have the girls he has to work on the Saturday. He is here on the Sunday. Therefore on the Saturday I’m here at home with the girls and we always go out for the day. My partners ex had now found out and had threatened to not allow my partner to see his girls if he isn’t present! (We have been together 8 years). I’m pretty sure if we went back to court the judge would agree with us that is when the girls are in our care it’s up to us who looks after them….surely she can’t carry on dictating?! Any advice would be great if you’ve been in similar circumstances. Thanks xx

And I'd consider rewording your thread title. I think the vast majority of us mothers would be somewhat bitter about being forced to give up time with our children so they could be cared for by their fathers girlfriend 🤷🏻‍♀️

I read the OP as the father having to work 1 Saturday out of the 4 weekends he has the children. So if he sees them every other weekend, then that's only 1 shift in 2 months that he won't be at home during the day. That's hardly anything! He will still see them in the evening when he comes home from work and be able to spend time with them. It's also good for the children to build a bond with the OP on these occasions.

Saying that he should get another job or change his contact days is just completely unrealistic. There is a court order in place which I assume does not specify that he must be present every single minute the children on in his care. He also should be able to take a new job if it means more money for the family and they just have to do their best to work round that. Going back to court solely for that reason is unreasonable and a judge would take a similar view.

From a legal perspective, it's none of the mothers business who cares for the children while they are in the fathers care. The only way it would be her concern would be if the children were in danger.

OP I advise to simply ignore the mother's demands and carry on with your life as you have planned. Let her take him back to court, it won't end well for her.

Also to those saying he had the 'audacity' to take his ex to court for contact, I would assume (given the type of woman the ex sounds to be - numerous experience with mothers like this), then he likely had no choice to take it to court. That is his right and it is also the child's right to have a relationship with their father.

That's how it works though. It's the fathers legal time with the child/children so it is nothing to do with the mother if he needs someone to care for them for 1 days out of 2 months while he's at work.

id be annoyed too. He has them four days a month and works for one of them. After dragging everyone through years of court. That’s not great.

what has he tried regards to the Saturday he has to work? Has he applied for flexible working / spoken to the boss about being happy to do a Saturday, but can it be one he doesn't have his child? Or to swap the Saturday with a colleague?

what has he done to try and change the saturday?

if mom does nothing with them, has he asked court for 50/50?

However, obviously the Court weren't aware that the father would later decide to work on one of the arranged days, and, although technically the father can allow whoever he wants to look after his girls whilst the order is in place, I imagine that if the Mum takes it back to Court herself, then things will go in her favour. As they should.

@Sunshineonarainyday111 You're wrong on that point, as other posters have already said. The court would do no such thing as the children are adequately cared for on the fathers time and they're not going to change arrangements every time someone's working pattern changes.

@CandiedPrincess Exactly. It would be a complete waste of court time and resources. The court would view the father as having arranged adequate care while he had to work and that would be the end of it.

@InkyPinkyPonky24 not necessarily, the ex could request a right to first refusal which could be granted. I'd imagine it would be more likely to be granted give how little time he already spends with them. He's literally giving 25% of his contact to his GF.

If he had 50:50 and the OP was minding a day a month, fair enough. But he only has 4 weekend days a month, surely he can sort it out with his employer.

separating with kids involved is financially difficult both ends so I understand the reason the dad took more hours is to earn more money for kids.
that will also mean more Maintenance for the mum.
OP has been on the girls lives for 8 years so I think one day a month where a step parent does soemthing nice with the kids is actually quite good for the kids?

She could of course request it but it would be unlikely to be granted. The father still sees the children when he finishes work so there is still time to be spent together during the day.

Generally unless there are safeguarding concerns (which isn't the case) then it's up to their father on 'his time' how they spend it. I don't see how she is bitter though.

My DC SM has my son throughout the month, which makes me sad at times, but my DC have 50:50 so its understandable that they need to be cared for at times by people other than my ex.

Not being able to sort out 1 of your only 4 days a month with your children is not so understandable imo and the ex should get first refusal.

@InkyPinkyPonky24 it was granted in my case! As my DC are now older teens, we've eased up a bit, but when smaller, I always had a legal relight to first refusal of care of my DC if their dad was unavailable. It's not that uncommon.

@CandiedPrincess as I've said up thread I have first refusal of care written into mine which means that if dad doesn't have them they can be returned home instead of looked after by his partner, so it is entirely possible that a court could order this for the mum.

Behave ! Life isn't that simple.

I would imagine that was part of the overall proceedings while contact was being negotiated? If the ex took this back to court solely on that basis and no other reason, it would likely be deemed an unreasonable use of the courts time as it would be unnecessary proceedings.

Every other weekend tends to run from Friday pm until Sunday pm or Monday am so loads of people here are presumably saying he should give up his Friday evenings too.

It's purely a case of the ex looking for trouble where there is none.

@InkyPinkyPonky24 I disagree that the courts would view it this way tbh, they could probably view the 1 day spent with OP a waste when they could be spending time with their mother, family etc

What have Friday evenings got to do with it?

The courts would also consider a girlfriend of 8 years to be family as she plays a large roll in their life.

My DHs weekend runs from Friday until Monday morning.

I hugely doubt a court would make the children go back Saturday morning, only to be picked up again Saturday evening. That's highly unreasonable.

Except you haven't factored in he probably has them from Friday evenings. Is ex going to try to stop him having them then or are they going to Dad's and then she will collect next morning and drop back later. Kf course she won't she just wants something to complain about.

It's nice you have that view of the courts, but they really don't think about it that deeply.

@Spirallingdownwards I think if this ex wants to request this then she should definitely be the one collecting and returning on the same day.

Agree. Unless there were safeguarding issues, then this would be viewed as unnecessary.

If he has them every other weekend the weekend contact us usually Friday evenings to Sunday evening or Monday am. Is ex collecting Saturday am and dropping back later ? Or is she just complaining because she hasn't got anything to complain about anymore because the court case has finished. There is no way she will get the original order overturned.