Bitter ex

[Sarahbrown23]

Hi all,

after years at court fighting for my partners two girls for more access and after vile accusations from her we have had the two girls every other weekend for around 12 months. My partner had recently started a new job where now one weekend out the 4 we have the girls he has to work on the Saturday. He is here on the Sunday. Therefore on the Saturday I’m here at home with the girls and we always go out for the day. My partners ex had now found out and had threatened to not allow my partner to see his girls if he isn’t present! (We have been together 8 years). I’m pretty sure if we went back to court the judge would agree with us that is when the girls are in our care it’s up to us who looks after them….surely she can’t carry on dictating?! Any advice would be great if you’ve been in similar circumstances. Thanks xx

As a rule what your partner decides to do with his children and who he decides to have look after them, as long as it safe, is absolutely nothing to do with his ex and if she fails to send them on that basis, she would be in breach of the court order. Not that that will stop her in my experience.

Your DP has the right to let whoever he wants babysit on his time, but considering he only has them two Saturdays a week, I can understand why their mum is annoyed that they can’t be his priority on that day. In the nicest possible way, court ordered contact time isn’t there for them to spend time with Dads partner and if there’s a parent available to care for them during that time then that’s who they’d be better off with. Wouldn’t you prefer to care for your own children rather than have your ex’s partner do it?

It's not like he's missing his days because he's away golfing though is it? He's working. I'm sure if he had the choice he's be there the entire weekend.

My reading was that it is one Saturday every 2 months (1 in 4 that he has them and he has them every other week)

She would be very petty to do this if the girls and you have a good relationship.

Oh dear, the classic ‘Bitter Ex’ when really it’s fair enough she is annoyed. Your partner apparently fought for years…and then took a job which meant he couldn’t see them on the VERY little time he does sees them and has got the girlfriend to look after them for him. It’s the classic alright.
Really it’s down to your partner to not start a new job that means he can’t see his kids.

She's got a bit of a cheek suddenly deciding that time with their dad is so important that they can't possibly be alone with you. She sounds like an nightmare. You're right, he has every right to manage childcare on his time. Not ideal that he misses time with his kids but if he has to work he has to work.

Call her bluff and suggest they go back to court and he gets 50:50 so he has more time with the kids.

He had them every Tuesday after school too. He’s had to take a new job where unfortunately he had to work one Saturday in the 4 weekend days a month he had them. She doesn’t work and us on benefits. I’m sure she would moan if he stopped working!!

Just to clarify he sees them EVERY Tuesday after school and every other whole weekend with the exception of one Saturday. He took a better job with more money and prospects so the girls have a better life as their money does NOTHING with them at all. I take them out every day they are with us.

Would his job be flexible enough to swap the Saturday he works so that it doesn't fall of one of the weekends he has the children? Or would Mum be open to swapping the weekends so that his work Saturday falls outside of access time? Either way would save the hassle of going back to court.

Thankyou!! He’s never missed a day seeing them in 8 years! But a better job has come up and he’s taking it so we can provide more for the girls. That’s what I’ve said. Threaten court again as I’m sure the judge will see who has the girls interests at heart.

Oh dear…..yes let’s not start a new job with way more prospects and money so his girls have so much more in their lives and we can tell them on holidays and days out (she’s never even took them to a park!) just because the ex will be upset the girls are to spend the day out somewhere nice with dads girlfriend iof 8 years!! Cmon please!!!

Thankyou!!! That’s what I’ve said. She will be breaching her court order. (For the 3rd time!) x

It’s really not about the ex. It’s about the kids. Because holidays etc are not what is important. It’s time. And he clearly doesn’t prioritise time with his kids. So maybe reflect on your ‘Oh dear..” comments. Because your husband is not putting his kids first when he takes a job that stops him seeing them. He has very little time to be a dad. That is what a good dad would have realised. I’d be embarrassed to be bitching about the ex being unhappy with your partners poor effort. Shame you are not self aware enough to realise that.

No please don't reflect on the Oh Dear comments . You are absolutely spot on. Take her back to court. We had to do this three times and then awarded residency

Poor kids!

What a nasty post.

To be able to not work and just be on benefits you have to be pretty fucked health wise these days.
If my ex had the audacity to take me to court for access and then couldn't get his act together to not be working on these days I would be both unsupervised and continue to be bitter, he's a bellend.

I'd be asking why your DP took a new job knowing it would mean he sees his DC for ONE Saturday per month. It's not for the DC to spend time with Dad's partner, so I can see where the DM is coming from.

100% this.
What matters most is his time with his children.

If he can’t be with them that Saturday he should agree that their own mother looks after them for the day.

Oooh, touched a nerve 🤦‍♀️

Ignore them, OP…most people that stalk SP threads don’t have skin in the game, some being bitter exes themselves!

it sounds as though you’ve been in DSC lives a long time, there’s nothing wrong with you spending the day with them so dad can work. I’m my DSC go to for childcare or whatever as I’m off with DC (siblings) anyway….

Dad doesn’t have to put his whole life on hold because of his custody a schedule. Sometimes there are bills to pay, there’s more ways than time to be a responsible parent.

Especially if the kids are fine with it.

Some posts have reminded me why I stopped looking on this board anyway, makes my teeth itch!

This.

Contact is for the children’s benefit so they can have time with the non-resident PARENT , not his girlfriend or childminder or granny or whoever else he gets to look after them while he’s working.

If he can’t be with them on this particular day then he should drop them off to their mother and pick them up after work, so they can spend the day with a parent.

It’s really not. It’s just stating a fact. The one thing that is clear from Op is that the kids are not the central focus. By all means they might have a lovely time with the Op but when the dad has very little time with his kids it’s a shame he didn’t prioritise that when looking for a new job. Especially seen as he seems to have fought to have that time and then get someone else to look after them for him.
The kids will grow up and barely know him. Not really. And yes I do think poor kids. Because that’s not fair on them.

Out of interest why didn't your DP go for 50/50 if she's a benefits scrounger who doesn't even take them out to the park?