Husband being dramatic over holiday

[Pluddy67]

I recently went away with a friend abroad.

I purchased my 2yo a small gift whilst there and also rang to speak to her every day. I also bought my sister a gift as she helped a couple of the days collecting from nursery when H wasn't home yet.

Husband made comments when I got back about it being unreasonable that I hadn't bought something for DSS. He also mentioned the fact I never even asked to speak to DSS or say hello when I facetimed our DD.

I think he's being silly and a bit dramatic. Especially re the facetime thing. Of course I missed our DD and wanted to see her. It may sound awful but I didn't think about DSS once and certainly didn't miss him, why would I be desperate to say hello to him?

DSS is 11 for reference.

why would I be desperate to say hello to him?
Most people aren't desperate to say say hello to their neighbours, or even family and work colleagues, but we do, because it's polite.

This child you've known for years partly lives in your home, and you don't feel the need to be polite to him.

His poor father must be feeling like he's failed him by marrying you.

An 11yr old isn't going to ask to speak to you kids don't they're busy doing their own thing but you're the adult you should make the effort but you clearly don't give a shit. He probably already knows you're not interested in him but he's part of your family so suck it up and start treating him like the family member he is

I find this incredibly complex, on surface there’s absolutely nothing wrong with your stance it’s fairly logical and makes sense.

but from your husbands perspective, 11 year olds are sensitive, this could lay the groundwork for a disjointed blended family. DSS doesn’t have two homes one with his dad and one with his mum, he comes to stay at your home with you and your family. As a parent id be hurt or questioning things. I’d want my child to feel safe and loved. My partners family are like this and I struggle to relate to it, the half siblings are all like strangers due to their parents getting married when they were young teens.

A small gift would have been kind, even if you don’t think ss would be that interested, it shows you are including him but I don’t see why dh thinks you should be asking to chat with him, if he wasn’t in the room then I think that’s fine, if he was there then yes a bit of a chat if ss wanted to

Except I didnt say how she should feel about the kids in any of my comments so why the capitals?

BustyLaRoux · Yesterday 19:52

Sorry I believe the phrase was “suggest she doesn’t ViEW them the same”. But why should she view them the same. They’re not the same.

As you’ll see from the above quote of my own message sent immediately after the one you’ve just quoted, I corrected the terminology used. However I maintain that the implicit message is that she SHOULD (note use of CAPITALS again!) view them the same. I don’t agree.

How mean of you. Of course your DH is upset. You sound like one of those step-mothers.

Really?

It’s not about thinking about “thinking about them as our offspring”, it’s just called being kind. Jeeze.

I can’t believe your attitude towards your stepson. It’s very cold. He’s a child, it doesn’t matter if he wasn’t there when you got back or not, you buy for one you buy for the other. I also think it’s horrible that you didn’t even ask how he was when you called home. How do you know what’s going on inside his mind? Maybe he’s thinking his stepmother doesn’t give a shit about him so he may as well go on his computer. I think your husband is right and you’re wrong on so many levels.

All I can say is WOW. No wonder he wouldn’t care if you contacted him if this is the way you treat him. I’d be as far away from you as possible. Who even leaves a 2 year old too?!

Wow. What an awful human being.

And to top it off you’re actually trying to gaslight your husband, whose expectations are completely reasonable, to somehow try and justify being selfish and cruel. Horrible.

Who even leaves a 2 year old too?!

I think that's an unfair and silly comment, @Brotherstogether3 . The 2 year old was with her father, who is also her parent. It's not like she's 2 months old and her father can't be a parent. You wouldn't make that comment about a father.

Wow. Poor kid 😔

I can make and have whatever comment and opinion I want. We aren’t talking about the father. We’re talking about the mother and I would never leave my 2 year old to go on a holiday end of

Well thankfully not everyone shares your misogynistic opinion about mothers not deserving holidays.

Ohhhh so you didn’t get DSS something because hes not yours. Gotcha. What a vile woman.

Sorry but I think you've been rather thoughtless here, a small token wouldn't have set you back much and would have been the right thing to do.

Me! I left my 2 year old with his dad or with his more than capable DGP on many occasions.

Tele me you don’t like your step child without saying it.
wow glad you aren’t my kids step parent

Why should it be up to your husband to parent you on how to behave decently as an adult? do you normally expect him to hold your hand and guide you through standard day to day interactions?

He was obviously giving you the benefit of the doubt and probably assumed that his wife is a decent person who cared about all of her family not just the one she gave birth to. You’ve forced him to say something after you exhausted every opportunity you had to do the right thing.

First you completely disregarded your SS on every daily call that you made, then completely ignored that you are a family with 2 children and bought a gift for only 1 child as though the other doesn’t even exist. Then when he pointed it out to you, you addressed it by basically confirming your SS is irrelevant to you.

Only a completely selfish and toxic person can think that behaviour is acceptable.

Lol at the poster trying to also mum shame the OP for going away without her 2 year old. That one fell flat didn’t it?

OP, you asked, and everyone thinks you are being unreasonable. You don't like the answer and are now arguing the toss. You are very unreasonable. Period.

Op hasn’t been back for about 4 days now.