Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

Original poster

Husband being dramatic over holiday

873 replies

Pluddy67 · 22/04/2024 07:03

I recently went away with a friend abroad.

I purchased my 2yo a small gift whilst there and also rang to speak to her every day. I also bought my sister a gift as she helped a couple of the days collecting from nursery when H wasn't home yet.

Husband made comments when I got back about it being unreasonable that I hadn't bought something for DSS. He also mentioned the fact I never even asked to speak to DSS or say hello when I facetimed our DD.

I think he's being silly and a bit dramatic. Especially re the facetime thing. Of course I missed our DD and wanted to see her. It may sound awful but I didn't think about DSS once and certainly didn't miss him, why would I be desperate to say hello to him?

DSS is 11 for reference.

OP posts:
Lassiata · 25/04/2024 12:14

ThatDamnedDog · 25/04/2024 10:18

Well you sound vile. Are you so dim that you can’t understand the damage that you are doing to your “family”.

When your husband has bought these instances of dislike/ indifference to your attention, you have shown no remorse or introspection. The poor boy obviously knows how you feel about him as you don’t even try to hide it.

I wonder how you will feel if your husband moves on with someone else and your daughter has a step mother like you

OP hasn't been on the thread since the 22nd and it has lots of replies, a few of them even as abusive and poorly punctuated as yours. I don't know why you're wasting your time.

lovescats3 · 25/04/2024 12:19

You should have bought a gift and asked to speak to him on the phone

Nursemum13 · 25/04/2024 12:34

It’s a shame you think like that. My husband is SD to my 13 yr old DD. And if the tables were turned I would 100% at least ask “oh how is *” knowing they would likely be staying at our house whilst I was away. And I would have 100% bought something small for them. I’m sure they would have felt a little left out, whether they said anything or not.
I would have been pissed off at my husband if he had done this. No excuse really, a bag of sweets would have been enough, even if you didn’t want to speak to them or miss them. What would have been your excuse if DSS pointed it out?

ScribblingPixie · 25/04/2024 12:53

I think your DH is being a bit of a twit about it, but his attitude aside it wouldn't kill you to be a nice parent/step and bring back some bits and bobs next time. There is always nice local chocolate or treats in Spanish supermarkets & it would have taken 10 mins out of your holiday to pop in and buy some.

Princesscounsuelabananahammock · 25/04/2024 13:02

Whatever your moral duty I couldn't imagine sharing a house with a child that I held such blatant contempt for. From DH's perspective nor could I imagine ever living with someone who held such contempt for my child. You're entitled to feel what you feel about your ss but realistically this isn't going to work especially as he enters teenage years

Mimimimi1234 · 25/04/2024 13:09

Yeah I think you are being a bit immature here. Even if you wasnt that bothered then I think you could have thought about your position as an adult in the family, making sure the children are thought about that live under your care and making an effort to make them feel equal and included. Unless your intention was make him feel intentially excluded, in which case you succeeded.

anchoviesanchovies · 25/04/2024 13:12

Your attitude towards your poor SS is awful, I feel so sad for him. I understand about not pulling him away from what he was doing to talk on the phone but I don’t understand not bringing him a gift and the way you talk about him in general is just horrible. The majority of responses on here say roughly the same thing, you just keep arguing your point so not really sure what you’re looking for.

biostudent · 25/04/2024 13:18

I can't imagine going away and calling my DS when my DSD was home and not asking to speak to her (for context she's with us 4 nights a week, so fairly similar). I also make sure I'm fair to both kids and if I went away I'd absolutely get both kids something.

Souleater · 25/04/2024 13:19

Sounds like you should have at least brought back divorce papers for DH.
Not to worry, he'll probably get them on his own.

poppy33xx · 25/04/2024 13:25

Souleater · 25/04/2024 13:19

Sounds like you should have at least brought back divorce papers for DH.
Not to worry, he'll probably get them on his own.

That was quite vile.

I'm shocked at this thread just how outrageously nasty other women can be towards their own sex. You all need to take a long hard look at yourselves quite frankly.

Princesscounsuelabananahammock · 25/04/2024 13:35

poppy33xx · 25/04/2024 13:25

That was quite vile.

I'm shocked at this thread just how outrageously nasty other women can be towards their own sex. You all need to take a long hard look at yourselves quite frankly.

Show quote history

I agree that there's no need for nastiness but for many women the wellbeing of a defenseless child will always take priority over a percieved 'sisterhood' There's times when you just have to be honest. At the end of the day it's the kid that's likely to be explaining this to a therapist not the OP

poppy33xx · 25/04/2024 13:37

Princesscounsuelabananahammock · 25/04/2024 13:35

I agree that there's no need for nastiness but for many women the wellbeing of a defenseless child will always take priority over a percieved 'sisterhood' There's times when you just have to be honest. At the end of the day it's the kid that's likely to be explaining this to a therapist not the OP

Edited
Show quote history

She didn't bring him back a pack of sweets at the airport, she's not beating him!!!

Conkersinautumn · 25/04/2024 13:37

But you're fine with the OP being like this to a child in their lives. Lovely

Princesscounsuelabananahammock · 25/04/2024 13:41

poppy33xx · 25/04/2024 13:37

She didn't bring him back a pack of sweets at the airport, she's not beating him!!!

Show quote history

Don't be obtuse this is about more than a bag of sweets. She has made it clear on this thread that he's nothing to her. I guarantee he and his dad will on some level be very aware of her feelings. If you can't see how that would badly affect a child then franky I hope you don't have children of your own

Steppered · 25/04/2024 13:41

What's the back story here, OP? Resentment somewhere?

I'm a stepmum and I would never do this to my stepkids. A bag of sweets is an easy, kind and inclusive gesture to a child.

One day the tide will turn, he will earn his own money and make his own choices. He may come for Christmas with presents for your husband and child but nothing for you. You may say that you don't care but really, deep down, you know it would be nicer to be included, even just a box of chocolates.

Maybe next time he's over you could make it up to him?

poppy33xx · 25/04/2024 13:44

Princesscounsuelabananahammock · 25/04/2024 13:41

Don't be obtuse this is about more than a bag of sweets. She has made it clear on this thread that he's nothing to her. I guarantee he and his dad will on some level be very aware of her feelings. If you can't see how that would badly affect a child then franky I hope you don't have children of your own

Show quote history

Wow. As someone is currently struggling to conceive, thank you very much for that.

wintersgold · 25/04/2024 13:46

Poor DSS, that's all.

Sage71 · 25/04/2024 13:59

YABVU shocked that an 11 year old child that is with you 3 nights a week did not even cross your mind. You knew your DH had a child when you got together and assume he had always spent time with his DD since you have been together so you entered into a relationship with them both. It would not have been difficult for you to pick him up a token gift at the airport.

PissedOff2020 · 25/04/2024 14:18

My stepson used to live with us 50/50 (he’s full time now he’s 21). I alway bought for him
and our eldest when I went away. Never would have considered buying for one and not the other.
My son and stepson are closer in age than yours (only 3 years difference) so maybe that’s part of the reason, but I just bought 2 of whatever I bought.

I agree it’s pretty mean to not consider getting him a gift. To openly post that you’d to not even given him a second thought - why not? Chatting to him on the phone, I can see why you maybe didn’t ask, but did you ask your hubby how SS was at least? If you didn’t, then rock up with a pressie for your daughter and not your SS you clearly don’t think much about your SS. I’m not surprised your hubby has called it out, he’s upset on his son’s behalf… with good reason by the sound of it.

ThatDamnedDog · 25/04/2024 14:26

Lassiata · 25/04/2024 12:14

OP hasn't been on the thread since the 22nd and it has lots of replies, a few of them even as abusive and poorly punctuated as yours. I don't know why you're wasting your time.

Show quote history

👍🏻

Twinboymum3 · 25/04/2024 14:30

I’d be annoyed if my partner went on holiday and did this to my older son - his step son. I don’t think he ever would though. He always treats him equally to our children we have together. Despite my older son having a very much involved father who he spends 40% of the week with.

Have u been together long ? If not then more understandable how you feel. But if he’s with u 3 nights a week I’d have 100% expected u to get him something and at least pretend to wanna see him even if deep down u didn’t.

Dweetfidilove · 25/04/2024 14:31

Fucking hell 🫣. I sometimes wonder how people ‘present’ when they get into relationships with parents. No way in hell would you be idiotic enough to marry / extend your family with this kind of attitude as the foundation.

Given he’s now miffed, you can’t have been like this before. Nah, there must be a lot of bait and switch or downright scamming going on. 🤦🏾‍♀️

Shinealight99 · 25/04/2024 14:43

I've only read the first page & it looks like the vast majority think you are wrong on this account OP & I'm inclined to agree. If I was in your position with the boot on other foot & my husband brought back a gift for our daughter & left out my son who I shared with my first husband I'd be really hurt. I'd expect my husband to show a huge degree of love and care for my son simply because he is our daughters brother.

CandiedPrincess · 25/04/2024 14:50

Good heavens, what a hoo-ha over nothing. I don't bring presents back for my SC, but I do for our shared DC. But get this, I don't bring them back for my OWN DC either, because they're older. What a terrible mum I am!

And would I FaceTime my SC when I was away? No! Even they'd be like WTF?

KittyWindbag · 25/04/2024 14:55

How about looking at it another way which is this: ok so maybe you don’t love stepson. You presumably love your husband. His son means the world to him, and one way of showing him that you care about him is to pay some thought to your step-child. It wouldn’t have hurt and it would go a long way toward making everyone feel like they were thought of.