Husband being dramatic over holiday

[Pluddy67]

I recently went away with a friend abroad.

I purchased my 2yo a small gift whilst there and also rang to speak to her every day. I also bought my sister a gift as she helped a couple of the days collecting from nursery when H wasn't home yet.

Husband made comments when I got back about it being unreasonable that I hadn't bought something for DSS. He also mentioned the fact I never even asked to speak to DSS or say hello when I facetimed our DD.

I think he's being silly and a bit dramatic. Especially re the facetime thing. Of course I missed our DD and wanted to see her. It may sound awful but I didn't think about DSS once and certainly didn't miss him, why would I be desperate to say hello to him?

DSS is 11 for reference.

Your husband isn’t sensitive and this isn’t minor. You purposefully left his son out but bought yours a gift. It’s incredible thoughtless and hurtful.

So when he’s older in a few years you won’t be hurt by ss lack of emotional intelligence towards you (which he learned from you).
You’re looking at a very difficult future.

Lousy behaviour from you OP.
A key ring, sweets, a pen, anything!
Just small token gift, I'm totally with your husband here
Rotten behaviour, you are the epitome of a not arsed step parent.

What was the fairytale- oh Cinderella/ Metamorphosis-the evil stepmother, a lesson there I
think

So you bought a small present for your sister who helped with pickup from nursery - very thoughtfull of you - but not for your SS. Could you explain why not? I understand he's not yours, and not living with you full time. But still there 3 nights a week, so with you at the dinner table, I suppose you talk with him, ask about his day etc. But not even a small present from "farawayistan , like some candy or a local Tshirt. Yep, I'm with your husband. You're a harsh stepmom.

I feel sorry for the boy, actually. I hope he’s happy outside of the house. Step parenting isn’t for everyone.

Waw he is your step son. I’m shocked you never though of him or asked after him or bought him a gift

God your cold - would absolutely hate to be step child of yours. Is this a reflection of how you treat him when he stays? God help him if that is the case. He is only 11 years old for God's sake. Stop being selfish and show some warmth for another human being. Would you like your child to be treated like this should you divorce - wouldn't be surprised at all if this is giving your partner second thoughts about your relationship. As a so called mother, you show zero knowledge as to a child's feelings.

Wow, you sound horrible! Poor kid :(

Absolutely!

Whatever your feelings towards him, he is still your husbands son and thus, part of your life. No, you didn't have to speak to him while you were away, you asked about him, that's fair enough.
It's your attitude, indifference and coldness you've displayed in this thread that annoys me.
Why bother posting? Was it because you assumed everyone would pile on and agree how unreasonable your husband was being regarding this situation? Unfortunately, from what I've read, he isn't the one being unreasonable here!
I make no wonder his son spends his time in his room playing video games.
Good on your husband for mentioning it, his feelings are totally valid here.

Wow! That's really insensitive. He's 11,not an adult! What a shame that you didn't think to bring him even a token gift. How would you feel if you were the ex wife and your daughter was treated with such disinterest and dismissed in this way! If I was your husband I'd be upset too. I think you should apologise and say you weren't sure what he would like at his age. Maybe offer to pay for a day out maybe bowling or a movie. Restorative practice is the only way to go now, imo.

Wow, you sound like a right cow tbh, poor kid. Your husband has caught on too.

Yeah you THINK the DSS doesn't care, you sound just like my ex-step mum! She made it obvious that me and my brother meant less than the Goldfish droppings when we were growing up, showed zero interest in us, and for context, when they had my sister, and they took her with them on holiday and not me and my brother (yeah, my dads fault more of course) it bloody hurt, and I was 15/16. I would make out I didn't care, I have some pride!

Sorry but if you were my partner you'd be gone, because my kids come first, and if I was with someone who made it obvious that they cared that little about my child, I would look at that person in a whole new light.

My husband took on my 2 children before we had 4 more, and all of them are treated equally, it had to be that way, because I know how bloody painful it is to be treated like nothing.

You sound like a delightful wife and step mother🙄
Would it have been that big of an inconvenience for you to buy him a packet of sweets.
Also the way you dismiss your husband’s feelings is not ok, calling him dramatic and sensitive.

I’d be disappointed too! My husband is the step-dad to my two dc. He always gets them a little something when he has a trip away with work. To be honest, even when he goes to the shop, he picks up their fave drink or chocolate bar. They also have a step-mum at their dads, who shows zero interest in them, and it hurts their feelings a lot. So I would agree with your husband.

I think you sound awful to be honest. He’s 11. And your husbands son.

You are mean and selfish. Completely agree with your DH

Bit rich to be honest. If he's with you 3 times a week he'll notice that he didn't get anything from you. Best go on holiday again and try over.

You shouldn’t need your husband to prompt you. A caring step parent or any kind adult would know what was needed.

Incredibly selfish of you.
I can see how defensive you're being, but you are wrong here and DH is being quite valid.
Think you need to own this one and think about treating DSS more inclusively in future.

You sound cold as ice and honestly I wouldn’t want you around my child. Your husband isn’t being sensitive. You are being an arsehole to an 11-year old child. You might not miss him like you do your daughter, but that’s not something he should feel. He should feel like he has more love in his life now, not less.

I’m divorced from my ex husband and we share a son. The woman he married immediately after me was like you. She made my son feel very much second to her children, in thoughts and deeds, and she resented my ex for having to consider more kids than just the kids they shared.

My son picked up on all of it and hated her. So did I for not having the emotional maturity to rise above her own feelings and think about a little boy. You’re exactly like her.

My ex has since married for a third time. His new partner is amazing. She is warm and kind, has welcomed my son into her family, he has his own bedroom at their house even though he rarely visits now he’s an older teen. He loves going there and the whole vibe is, the family separated but the love got bigger. I have remarried, my husband adore my son.

I know it isn’t always easy but you’re not even trying.

Cold. As. Ice.

I think this is awful. Maybe your ss doesn't know nor care about the present. But your husband is Father to two children, and he's likely hurt that you think so little of his son.
I would never ever buy for one child without buying for the other, for the sake of a few quid you've made your feelings about your ss crystal clear!

Of course your 11 year old ss didn’t “give a shit about you not begging to speak to him” but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have bought him a small gift. There are loads of chocolate items and other junk in duty free shops, which your DSS would have liked. As it is you are the mean step mother who didn’t even bring him a present when she went away. So you have saved £10. Happy with that?

This