Husband being dramatic over holiday

[Pluddy67]

I recently went away with a friend abroad.

I purchased my 2yo a small gift whilst there and also rang to speak to her every day. I also bought my sister a gift as she helped a couple of the days collecting from nursery when H wasn't home yet.

Husband made comments when I got back about it being unreasonable that I hadn't bought something for DSS. He also mentioned the fact I never even asked to speak to DSS or say hello when I facetimed our DD.

I think he's being silly and a bit dramatic. Especially re the facetime thing. Of course I missed our DD and wanted to see her. It may sound awful but I didn't think about DSS once and certainly didn't miss him, why would I be desperate to say hello to him?

DSS is 11 for reference.

When I got with my now husband his DD was 10. She would come visit 2 or 3 times a year. When she wasn't with us I would miss her terribly - I still do. 12 years later I have 2 children of my own and don't treat DSD any differently.

You don't just have a relationship with your hubby you have a relationship with his child.

I think it's a shame you haven't built that with your SS.

Not all is lost. You still have time.

I don’t agree.

Piss poor to not bring him a token gift home, your husband is right. You need to grow up.

OP, ask yourself how will you feel in say, four years time, when your SS goes on a school trip and brings home a gift for only his dad?

Will "But she's not my parent" feel okay to you?

And if the answer to that is "yes", do you really not want a better family dynamic than that, for everyone's sake?

OP is not coming back.

She is not getting the validation she was looking for.

Wow unkind lady. Kind of feel sorry for him.

Yabu.

I'm a stepmother and we have DSD far less than three nights a week and I'd always keep the kids the same for gifts.

Your DSS will grow up knowing you weren't bothered about him which is sad!

I'd say it's sad as well if you weren't bothered to ask how he was when you were away either? What is the relationship like otherwise?

If your stepchildren don't count as your your children, even though it's right there in the name - why do you call them that? In fact, why get married to their father?

Your example is arse over tit and has no relevance to this situation.

This has been such a sad post to read. I have two children and have been with my partner for approaching four years. We're not married and don't yet live together. He has no children of his own but guess what, his parents buy my kids a little something when they go on holiday. They get something for all their grandchildren and include my two and you know what, it makes me feel like we are a family. It is a small gesture that means so much. I would be so hurt if I were the OP's DH. The message he's getting is clear isn't it!

I think he’s being really precious about you not asking to speak to his son on FaceTime. As you said, if he was there on the screen you would have said hello. But there’s nothing wrong with not specifically asking for him.

I think you are being unreasonable. Unreasonable and insensative. I honestly find the thought of an 11 year who lives with you for 50% of his life being completely ignored by you quite upsetting. How sad.

This!

He's a child that lives with you half the week, and he's your stepson - you need to be paying him as much attention as your biological child.

I don’t think the OP is coming back - this thread doesn’t seem to have gone her way

Agree above

Like most people I don't think your DH is being over sensitive or that this is a minor thing. Your DSS may well have been playing on his computer or talking to friends but you are an adult. You come across as uncaring and unable to think your actions can be hurtful.

Wow! How rude and thoughtless.

When you become a grown up, your focus needs to expand beyond just you and your own selfish wants - You absolutely should consider others and the role you accepted as a step-parent.

I would never advise anyone to marry someone who was shitty to their children.

Shame on you for not asking after DSS and bringing him back a small gift.

11 year olds have feelings too.

You think your husband is being silly because you didn't acknowledge that his son is part of your family - your daughter's brother who lives in your house for half of the week? Wow! I feel incredibly sorry for the poor lad that has to spend half his life living with someone who obviously couldn't give a toss about him. And if I was your husband I'd be livid with you.

Exactly that!

He’s letting you know that it hurts him that you don’t step up. You say, ‘you didn’t think of him’. That’s the problem. It’s not about you. Your husband is asking you to show a little love to his child.

My DH has been living with my DS for 14 years since DS was 3 (DH is not biological dad, we got together when he was almost 2) . He used to go away with work quite a bit. Always FaceTimed us both, always brought him back something even if it was just a fun pair of socks or some treats from the hotel/lounge. They now absolutely adore each other and DS considers him his Dad, has done for years.

It's about intention to be a family unit and treat everyone equally. We have two more children now and DS feels - and knows - he is totally loved as much as them. I can't imagine how I would feel if DH had FaceTimed and only asked to see other DC 😔

Sorry agree with hubby here. It was downright cruel to not buy something for dss whether he is aware or not. Also very cruel to have a child live with you 50% of the time and not care about him. I hope if your dd is ever in that position she is treated better x

I think your DH is being a bit OTT. However you could have bought your SS a little something- just a token.

Same here I was the step child I always felt on the outside looking in, I really feel for this boy, if the posts are any indication of how the OP is at home he has a really sad time, I’m so glad the husband is taking a stand. This would have damaged my marriage seeing anyone treat a child with so little regard.