Husband being dramatic over holiday

[Pluddy67]

I recently went away with a friend abroad.

I purchased my 2yo a small gift whilst there and also rang to speak to her every day. I also bought my sister a gift as she helped a couple of the days collecting from nursery when H wasn't home yet.

Husband made comments when I got back about it being unreasonable that I hadn't bought something for DSS. He also mentioned the fact I never even asked to speak to DSS or say hello when I facetimed our DD.

I think he's being silly and a bit dramatic. Especially re the facetime thing. Of course I missed our DD and wanted to see her. It may sound awful but I didn't think about DSS once and certainly didn't miss him, why would I be desperate to say hello to him?

DSS is 11 for reference.

Yeah - but she has not yet split with DH (though it's probably on the cards)

The wee lad is only eleven! Of course you should have said 'Hi' and bought him a token gift. Good grief.

Posting about this on mumsnet was a mistake.

We are all supposed to love our step children equally to our own children. It’s total nonsense.

On the basis that he lives with you half the time but you don't consider that "living with you", presumably the fact that he lives with his mother the other half of the time means you don't consider that he "lives with her" either. Is the poor child homeless?

The reaction would suggest this isn't the first time he has felt that his child has been "left out". The fact OP said she didn't even think about him, and didn't miss him suggests this too. Are you a step-child? do you have a step child?
Maybe others are "over reacting" as they see the spiral that happens when step-children aren't really thought about.

But you do you. If you think people should just be concerned about the child they birth, then crack on with that in your life. Suggests the Husband thinks otherwise.

I agree - but why does everyone mention bloody toblerones. They are so expensive in the airports - cheaper to buy at Tesco. (And don't even get me started on how expensive they are in Switzerland where they are/used to be made)

An odd materialistic way of looking at it, but you do you.
To most people on this thread and surely everywhere, it is superficially over a bags of sweets or similar - and ultimately about a crappy stepmother attitude.

Nobody (or at least nobody sensible) says step parents have to love their step children like their own.

Most people think they shouldn’t be treated like an obvious nuisance getting in the way of the step parent’s life.

In this case, it’s the ice cold attitude more than the lack of gift / failure to talk to the child.

The fact she says a child with his own room who lives with her 3 days a week doesn’t live with her but rather ‘stays’ says everything.

I have a niece and nephew with two loving parents that I barely see as they live on another continent. I think of them more on holiday (sending pictures by WhatsApp etc) than the OP thinks of a child that lives with her 50% of the time (by her own admission - she says she didn’t think of her SS while she was away).

Ouch. As a stepchild myself, I would have appreciated a “How is DSC? Tell them I said hello!” And a little souvenir or chocolate or whatever, even if I weren’t around when DD got hers. It would’ve been nice, when he did come to your home next, to have a little something nice. He is a child, after all.

It's not about loving them equally - it's about at least pretending to give a shit

I quite fancy one now 🤣 they are definitely the chocolate I link with travel.

Buying for one child and not another is shit.
YABU

I can see why you wouldn’t ask to speak to SS, however asking after him and buying him a Toblerone at the airport would definitely have been the decent thing to do.

I think you should have bought him a gift yes, just some sweets or something! A bit mean not to!
As for asking to speak to him probably no unless he happened to be in the room when you were on a call with DD

Bollocks, nobody is saying that!

You should treat them equally though.

I think this is mean and awful. Surely you should care about the child if only for the sake of your DH?

Thanks for making my point.

She has said nothing to suggest she doesn’t give a shit.

She has said nothing that suggests she does give a shit.

OP's DH should treat both of his kids equally, but it's perfectly normal and acceptable for OP to be able to spoil her child or treat her child differently than her step child...that doesn't mean she doesn't give a shit!!!

@Otherstories2002

She didn't think about a child who lives with her almost half the week, who should be a massive part of her life, at all while away. That indicates, she doesn't give a shit!

That kid is just as important to her husband as her kid is to her, of course that's not to say that she should love him, she clearly doesn't, but come on, you've got to see where her DH is coming from! To not ask specifically after him in anyway is just indication that he is 'meh' to her and her husband isn't gonna like that.

You sound like a horrible SM, that poor boy, goodness know what long-term damage you are doing to him, not that you would give a shit, as long as your kid is ok. Your DH should have seriously re-considered having a child with you when he already had a son.

You don't buy a present for one child though and not the other, regardless of whether they're in the room with you or not when you give the present.
Way to sow resentment and knowledge that they're treated differently.

Are you actually serious? Jesus wept.

I think you are deliberately misunderstanding your DH and most comments here. There is a world of difference between missing your DD and wanting to speak to her every day and not thinking about your DSS at all. Of course they are both equal in their father's mind but different in yours. However, it sounds as if you didn't even ask specifically after the wee boy and it must be hard for his father to realise that (despite living with you for almost half the time) you don't think about him at all when you're not with him.

How many step parents honestly miss their stepkids when they aren't around? The minority I imagine!

Asking again... do people honestly expect that if I for example bought my toddler a toy he'd like, I have to then go and find a gift as well for two teen stepkids before I'm allowed to give anything to my toddler?

It's nonsense.