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Original poster

Please help at breaking point

168 replies

minnie1813 · 21/03/2024 09:32

So me and my partner have been together 4 years..I have one son he has two girls 8 and 5 no children together. For the first 2 years his ex wouldn't allow him to have the girls it was a nightmare. Now we have them every single weekend Fri to Sunday. I have a two bed house so I sleep in with my son (10) his girls have our bedroom and sleep with him. The situation now is too much for me I can't cope every single weekend I basically have to pack my stuff as they sleep in as they go to bed so late, I have to be out sat and Sunday morning for my sons football. The house is a total mess they are nice girls but just don't respect anything clothes get chucked everywhere, rubbish gets left, they don't flush toilets. Which to me at their age should just be normal to do those things. It takes me most of Sunday to tidy the house get rid of the sticky hand prints the mess and to change all the bed sheets. Then most Sundays my partner just drops them home and goes to the pub. I feel like there is no respect for me, I do everything get the shopping in and when it comes to birthdays I wrap and buy the presents and get balloons etc. I even buy mother's days presents for them to take home. For example last weekend I washed 8 outfits that one of the girls kept changing all were dirty and messy with food. And the youngest still wears a nappy to bed and just weed in it in the morning basically because "I just wanted to do it in my nappy" which obviously meant my bed was soaked. I am at breaking point I I just cry. There is no talking to my partner he just seems to get angry even when I suggested that once in a while they go home on a Saturday and just stay the one night. I work full time and my partner now works away for most of the week and then at the weekend I can't even get into bed with him...I just don't even know anymore. ☹️

OP posts:
ShakeNvacStevens · 08/04/2024 16:19

Well done OP. What was the last straw?

Redshoeblueshoe · 08/04/2024 16:23

Good. Now he will find someone else to parent for him

MILTOBE · 08/04/2024 16:23

minnie1813 · 21/03/2024 10:09

Oh I didnt add it's my house he moved in with me

I knew you were going to say this. It's the classic cocklodger story.

Does he pay his fair share of bills?

I would tell him the gravy train has stopped and he has to go. You and your son will feel so much lighter and happier without him and his kids.

MILTOBE · 08/04/2024 16:24

Sorry, I posted before I saw your update.

MILTOBE · 08/04/2024 16:30

You need to be aware that the next few weeks are when you'll be at your lowest and most likely to take him back. I think you should focus on making your house lovely again - throw out the mattress the girls used. Redecorate the rooms. Move your bed around and buy new bedding. Make it look lovely and it'll give you fresh impetus not to have him and his kids back in there, messing it up.

hattie43 · 08/04/2024 16:50

Well done OP you will not regret having him and his family move out . Peace is restored to your home , your sanctuary.

arethereanyleftatall · 08/04/2024 18:02

MILTOBE · 08/04/2024 16:30

You need to be aware that the next few weeks are when you'll be at your lowest and most likely to take him back. I think you should focus on making your house lovely again - throw out the mattress the girls used. Redecorate the rooms. Move your bed around and buy new bedding. Make it look lovely and it'll give you fresh impetus not to have him and his kids back in there, messing it up.

Absolutely. Just get through the next few weeks op. I was all upset over my ex and then one day (only a few weeks later after 20 years 😂) I just started skipping down the street with joy and a load off my shoulders!

Original poster
minnie1813 · 08/04/2024 18:36

Yeah I think I'm going to redecorate just make it nice and peaceful again get rid of all the sticky handprints...
Me and my ds are currently on the sofa watching tv and although I feel shit and want to cry I actually feel peaceful at the same time.

OP posts:
canyouletthedogoutplease · 08/04/2024 18:36

MILTOBE · 08/04/2024 16:30

You need to be aware that the next few weeks are when you'll be at your lowest and most likely to take him back. I think you should focus on making your house lovely again - throw out the mattress the girls used. Redecorate the rooms. Move your bed around and buy new bedding. Make it look lovely and it'll give you fresh impetus not to have him and his kids back in there, messing it up.

Amen to this.

TheShellBeach · 08/04/2024 18:41

I'm glad you're feeling peaceful.
I understand that you'll also be feeling some sadness but I think that feeling will soon diminish.

Dearg · 08/04/2024 19:10

Well done Op. Enjoy the peace, with your lovely DS. It may take time, but the lack of tension will help you get back to happiness.

Newestname002 · 09/04/2024 10:02

@minnie1813

I bet the wound-up spring of tension in both your chest and your son's will start to ease and you will both breathe easier, living in a much calmer, welcoming home. You will have your own bed again (new mattress, new lovely bedding), newly decorated to completely change the ambiance of your reclaimed home. And your son, having his own space (and privacy) again.

Hold onto your future for both of you and, if you haven't already, change those locks. 🌹

rainbowstardrops · 09/04/2024 10:43

Well done, it sounds as if you made the right decision OP. You'll look back on this and realise you did the right thing.

geoger · 10/04/2024 09:46

Well done OP!!! You’ve absolutely done the best thing. Focus on your son and yourself, claim your house back and don’t ever let this waste of space man ever cross your doorway again

candycane222 · 10/04/2024 21:20

Very relieved on your behalf to hear this update. Feel a bit sorry for the next woman he manages to prey on, but lets hope she is as strong as you and also sends him on his way!

Isthisit22 · 26/04/2024 21:02

Well done OP. You are a strong woman, showing her son that this is not the way women should be treated in a relationship.
Your ex is a total user. He’s used your house, used you as a maid and childcare. Please don’t ever take him back. Your poor son should never have had to lose his bedroom every weekend.

MeridianB · 27/04/2024 14:09

harriethoyle · 21/03/2024 09:36

You need to ask him to move out and prioritise yourself and your son. Your DP sounds like a nightmare.

First post nails it. This will get worse, not better. Your quality time with your son is impacted all the time. Time to get rid of this disrespectful man and enjoy freedom and peace for you and your son.

MeridianB · 27/04/2024 14:11

minnie1813 · 08/04/2024 09:45

UPDATE 2....

He has gone I packed up his stuff and put it in the shed for him to come and get.
He is very heartless and I feel so sad and can't stop crying but as my friend told me...short term pain for a long term gain! 😢

And so happy to see this. Well done, OP. Stay strong. Think of all the free time and peace you and DS can have without this rabble. You deserve better. Focus on yourself and your son now. You have done the right thing.

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