Please help at breaking point

[minnie1813]

So me and my partner have been together 4 years..I have one son he has two girls 8 and 5 no children together. For the first 2 years his ex wouldn't allow him to have the girls it was a nightmare. Now we have them every single weekend Fri to Sunday. I have a two bed house so I sleep in with my son (10) his girls have our bedroom and sleep with him. The situation now is too much for me I can't cope every single weekend I basically have to pack my stuff as they sleep in as they go to bed so late, I have to be out sat and Sunday morning for my sons football. The house is a total mess they are nice girls but just don't respect anything clothes get chucked everywhere, rubbish gets left, they don't flush toilets. Which to me at their age should just be normal to do those things. It takes me most of Sunday to tidy the house get rid of the sticky hand prints the mess and to change all the bed sheets. Then most Sundays my partner just drops them home and goes to the pub. I feel like there is no respect for me, I do everything get the shopping in and when it comes to birthdays I wrap and buy the presents and get balloons etc. I even buy mother's days presents for them to take home. For example last weekend I washed 8 outfits that one of the girls kept changing all were dirty and messy with food. And the youngest still wears a nappy to bed and just weed in it in the morning basically because "I just wanted to do it in my nappy" which obviously meant my bed was soaked. I am at breaking point I I just cry. There is no talking to my partner he just seems to get angry even when I suggested that once in a while they go home on a Saturday and just stay the one night. I work full time and my partner now works away for most of the week and then at the weekend I can't even get into bed with him...I just don't even know anymore. ☹️

You need to ask him to move out and prioritise yourself and your son. Your DP sounds like a nightmare.

This. You are not seeing the wood for the trees. You are not responsible for housing your boyfriend and his children.

It’s no wonder that you’re at breaking point.

You have 2 issues

1. Your partner is lazy and should be doing housework like laundry. He should be parenting his kids and teaching them to tidy up. He shouldn’t be escaping to the pub while you do housework that him and his kids helped create.

2. There’s not enough space for everyone so you need him to move out or you rent/buy somewhere together with more rooms. Your son is rapidly reaching an age where he won’t like sharing a room with you and the girls are rapidly reaching an age where they won’t like sharing with their dad.

Who owns the house?

This isn’t sustainable at all OP and it just feel so overwhelming.

In a perfect world you’d go your separate ways but I know it’s not that easy when you have a child together.

I have no idea what the answer is but I just wanted to post to say that the way you are feeling is of no surprise and I hope that somehow you find a resolution 💐

Partner not husband. Kick him out. Honestly what’s he adding to your life other than to say you have a boyfriend?

Do you have a child together? I didn't see that.

This sounds awful and unsustainable in the long term. Is this your property they have moved into?

Your DP is the problem OP, it's that simple. He could fix all of this by being a decent parent and partner but he's doing neither. You are right that he doesn't respect you, he is showing you that very clearly by allowing his DC to take over your home and doing nothing to ensure you (or your poor son) are considered or comfortable. I mean this kindly but what are you doing? A partner is supposed to add good things to your life, can you honestly say he's making anything better for you and your son?

OP says no children together, so thankfully for her, it is that easy!

What exactly is your partner doing? He should be cooking for them, doing their washing etc. If they're messy be needs to either tell them to pick up after themselves or he needs to clean up after them.

I'm assuming he moved into your house because he seems like the cocklodging type. How was he housing himself and his kids before he moved in? I think he needs to move out and sort his own accommodation. This is unfair on you and your DS to have your lives flipped upside down every weekend.

No one falls in love quicker than a man who needs a roof over his head. It sounds like he has no respect for you and just sees you as a live in maid and nanny. He's completely taking the piss and you need to stop allowing him.

Going to the pub and leaving you to clean up the mess from his kids? I'm gobsmacked. Get rid of him.

You deserve better OP. He is using you.

If this is your house, tell him to leave and it’s not your problem where he moves to . I am so fed up reading about men who fight for contact with their DC then dump the hard work on their new girlfriends .
A friend of my DD is in a similar situation. Expects gf to look after his DC while he does overtime / goes to pub/ watches football/ goes cycling / whatever. If she complains he says she hates his kids.

Sounds like your dp doesn't really want a dp, he just wants a live in child minder so that he doesn't have to bother with taking care of his own dc. Ask yourself what you're actually getting from this relationship,sounds like not a lot tbh. I'd leave him and concentrate on you and you ds.

There is no need for your boyfriend to be in your child's home. Boot him out. He's a shit parent and a shit boyfriend, there is no dilemma here.

Agree with this, I can't see this improving for you.

He isn't a partner.. Or a bf.. Or even a fwb as can't be my sex with bed sharing dc... He is sponging twat. Get rid today.

He is absolutely awful OP, life is to short for this it is absolutely passing you by, think of the lovely weekends you and your son could have without him and his chaos. He's not parenting his kids and he's expecting you to pick up the pieces. Also I bet they're not getting good sleep all three in one bed, unless it happens to be a super king.

Ok it does seem obvious you need to leave but I’m assuming you don’t want to.

the space is too small, long term bigger house. short term air mattress in the front room have his girls on that and you can sleep with you partner. Late bed times, set and agree a time with your partner (hope you have TV in your room if girls are downstairs)

either stop feeding them washing them and cleaning up after them or say to partner I’ll do these meals and you do those. In our house whoever cooks the other washes.

the contact isn’t even. In the week they are at school. Their mother is dealing with them for far less time and gets every weekend off. I’d suggest EOW and more time in school holidays. You do deserve time away from his kids and do not feel like a monster for wanting it.

The pub no way would I of let that continue and I’m sure he will accuse you or controlling him but wanting / needing time with your partner is not controlling and he should want to spend the time with you!

im really sorry but he is away all week, comes home at weekend dumps his kids on you then fucks off to the pub. I don’t see he is adding quality to your life but as I say only you can decide.

either way you need to make changes before you erupt in a spectacular way. All justified but you set your own bar for how people treat you. Raise it!

Oh I didnt add it's my house he moved in with me

Easy then.
Bye bye.

Then he needs to move back out!

Ask him to leave.
Its not working
It’s your home and it’s impacting your son.

This is not fair on any of the children, parents have choices children dont

Yep off he goes. It sounds absolutely horrific . It’s hard enough when everyone is at our house which has a tonne of space. What you describe sounds like a nightmare and your partner is absolutely taking the piss. This has to stop.